Hypothetical Question of the Day: Should a person date if in love with someone else? (women, attracted)
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Depends. Some people feel love for another FOREVER, especially if they can't have them. It the fantasy they love however.
I say date, casually of course, until you feel as if you could love another as well. If you wait to stop loving the first person you may be alone forever.
If a person is in love with or has strong feelings for someone else, should he/she be dating other people? Is it fair to the other person?
For instance, you care deeply about someone you cannot be with - your ex wife/husband, someone who is married, someone who lives on another continent, someone who is just not interested/available. Should you try to date even though your heart belongs to someone else? Or should you date in order to try to get over the unavailable person? And is it fair to the other person you get involved with if you know you don't care about him/her the way you care about this other person?
Disclaimer: I believe in "polyamory" (which is the concept of being able to love fully more than one person - this is not to be confused w/ swinging or just messing around - it's about true abiding love relationships).
I have a dear friend who I will love forever as will he me. We've gone through many phases of our relationship and are now at strictly friends in a pretty sterile sense - while we are finding our new footing in this new place we are in.
We will always have a place in one another's hearts. But, we will continue on in our lives (we also live long distance from one another) & will each love another. My loving him will never take away from my capacity to love my future King - I have room enough in my heart, soul, spirit to love each differently & fully.
So, in this capacity, yes, I think you can date others if you still have love for someone else. Loving him has helped shape me into the woman I am today - my future King will embrace that fact - not reject it. Our capacity to continue loving one another despite the end of our relationship as it was also contributes to my capacity to fully love & embrace my true mate when his slow butt finally finds me! lol
It isn't a competition. There's enough love to keep each of our hearts overflowing...
I wouldn't date another person if I loved/had strong feelings for someone else. I feel I'd be wasting someone's time if I wasn't into giving my full, undivided attention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie3
If a person is in love with or has strong feelings for someone else, should he/she be dating other people? Is it fair to the other person?
For instance, you care deeply about someone you cannot be with - your ex wife/husband, someone who is married, someone who lives on another continent, someone who is just not interested/available. Should you try to date even though your heart belongs to someone else? Or should you date in order to try to get over the unavailable person? And is it fair to the other person you get involved with if you know you don't care about him/her the way you care about this other person?
If a person is in love with or has strong feelings for someone else, should he/she be dating other people? Is it fair to the other person?
For instance, you care deeply about someone you cannot be with - your ex wife/husband, someone who is married, someone who lives on another continent, someone who is just not interested/available. Should you try to date even though your heart belongs to someone else? Or should you date in order to try to get over the unavailable person? And is it fair to the other person you get involved with if you know you don't care about him/her the way you care about this other person?
Not only that you should date if have strong feelings for an unavailable person, you must date. Eventually you will find someone who is even better and you will have even stronger feelings for him and he will be available to you and it will be a much better situation and you will forget all about the other man.
There are 2 sure ways to get over someone you are in love with and who is unavailable:
1) Time.
2) Another man.
I don't believe in soulmates concept. I think there are a lot of wonderful people who you can connect with.
Not only that you should date if have strong feelings for an unavailable person, you must date. Eventually you will find someone who is even better and you will have even stronger feelings for him and he will be available to you and it will be a much better situation and you will forget all about the other man.
There are 2 sure ways to get over someone you are in love with and who is unavailable:
1) Time.
2) Another man.
I don't believe in soulmates concept. I think there are a lot of wonderful people who you can connect with.
I disagree, the way to get over someone is not to replace them with someone else. That's how rebounds happen and I think it promotes the unhealthy idea that you NEED someone else to make you happy - that you can't be happy on your own and not having strong feelings for someone else.
I say no - until you are emotionally free you shouldn't date anybody else exclusively. Now maybe you could have a string of first dates only, just to stay busy
The problem is this conception of dating meaning "searching for spouse"
After a breakup, one of the healthiest things you can do is get off your depressed ass and meet new people, probably get some, and keep moving on with your life.
I disagree, the way to get over someone is not to replace them with someone else. That's how rebounds happen and I think it promotes the unhealthy idea that you NEED someone else to make you happy - that you can't be happy on your own and not having strong feelings for someone else.
I'm not advising her to jump into rebound relationships right away, but I do think dating is very important part of recovery. Newsflash: majority of women do need someone else to make them happy. As well as men. We can deny all we want, but it's true. When someone is suffering over an unavailable person, they NEED to date, they need companionship of an opposite sex. They just need to be honest and not drag this person into a relationship, but date they must. That's my personal opinion.
I was reading this book "Eat, Pray, Love" where the author is traveling 3 countries to "find" herself and towards the end of the book she finds a man and only then I truly believe that she is happy.
We don't need to travel the world to do soul searching, but I think male companionship is an important part of a recovery. Men need women and women need men. Fact of life.
Newsflash: majority of women do need someone else to make them happy. As well as men.
In the long run, yes, I agree people need a life partner to be happy and satisfied with their life - but short term? No, I don't agree. I strongly feel that only desperate people who are not happy with themselves as individuals need a romantic interest/partner 100% of the time to be happy. You can claim your opinion as "fact of life" all you want, it's still your opinion and I still disagree with it.
The problem is this conception of dating meaning "searching for spouse"
Because that's just what it means to some people. Some people don't like to casually date, there's nothing wrong with that.
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