Alright bro, I'm trying to help ya out here, so I'll take your responses one at a time..
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
i feel betrayed because i don't feel in control of my life, and never have. i feel people very close to me have undermined me, and i cannot trust them.
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If you have never felt in control of your life, that's more of a reason to see a doctor. I don't know what your past situation is, and really, I don't care - it doesn't matter. What matters is today, and what you're going to do to take control of your life..
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
how do i move on? what does moving on mean?
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... and how you take control of your life is to let go of the past and move on.
Maybe we just assume that you already know how to do this, but since we're not in your situation, we can't really know what you do know. So, I'll explain the best I can here..
Moving on means that you find a way to let go of the past, that you learn how to reinvent yourself into the person who you want to be. You know who that is. You already told us who that is: It's someone who is confident and in control of their lives. Right? So now you know two things: You know where you are now, and you know where you want to be. Right now, you're depressed, in the future, you want to be confident and in control - and happy.
So, there are several ways to move on - several ways to get to be the person who you most want to be. The first is to talk to a professional. I'll come back to that.. The second is to change your environment. I quoted this in another post, but I'll quote it here again. An old history professor I had said, "If you're born in the slums, you'll die in the slums." Basically, what he was saying is that generally we are products of our environment. If all that we have ever known is disappointment, then typically, that's all we'll ever know. UNLESS, we decide to do something about it.
Right now, you're trying to do something about it. That takes balls right there.. You're asking questions, you're searching for meaning, you're trying to find a way out of this life that's been created for you. That really takes a strong person with a strong motivation. For that, you should be proud.
So, change your environment. Look closely at yourself and find out where you would most want to be, and then find somewhere that's close to that. I know that I'd like to be back in Florida right now, but that can't happen, so I bought a house out in the country and am landscaping it in a way that resembles a beach house type of landscape - even down to the color of the house and furniture inside. Maybe right now you can't go that far, but there are things that you can do. Try moving to a new neighborhood, or re-arranging the furniture in your house.. Buy some plants, or some new paintings.. It can be as simple or as complex as you want.
Change how you look. This can be a bigger deal than you think. When you go out and get a new hairstyle, buy new clothes, and even get a tan, it'll do wonders for your confidence.
Change your friends. Find people that compliment you. If you're the type that likes to read, go to bookstores and start conversations there. You get the point. Once you have good friends and have left the old behind, you'll start to feel much better, if that's the problem.
Point is, there's a thousand ways to get from point A to point B. You just have to examine them all, decide what works for you, and use what you need.
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
and one more thing, is it my fault i was abused? why is the onus on me to resolve something? If i went to a counsellor, is what they would say, and does simply "get over it" denote good counselling techniques now? 
i am an individual and i hold my own unique ways of dealing with things. i cannot help that. |
It's never anyone's fault that they've been abused. Nobody "invites" that in, but once you've been in that situation, you do have to deal with it, otherwise it'll eat away at you until there's nothing left. I mentioned ways to deal with it above, and if you need more ideas, just ask..
And again, with the counselor, I'll get to that in a second.
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
I know it is my responsibility since nobody owes anybody else anything.
I just don't know how to go about it.
and what is wrong with improving my life? isn't life about improvement and enhancement?
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We're trying to help you learn how to cope with things, and to get over them. Yes, it's your responsibility, but more than that, it's your life. Nobody can take control of your life, despite what you think. It's yours to live however you want..
Right now, you're trying to improve things.. that's awesome, I can't say how important that is. It won't be easy, but if you have the drive and determination, you'll do it. You're right, life is all about learning and growing, and you're headed in the right direction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
i don't want to take medication. i think medication is harmful.
i think a change in my lifestyle is in order. i think i need to meet more people, and be more independent and have my independence respected. i think with more associations, it would improve things a lot. it would also make me more normal in mind, attitude and wellbeing.
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So, now I'll get to the whole doctor/counselor thing. First, we'll talk about medication:
I want you to think about two different scenarios. My ex wife is bi-polar, and has to take medication to live..
She hadn't slept for almost five days. I never knew anything was wrong, as I went to bed before her and she got up before me. First couple nights, everything was fine. She was a little short with me, but I just attributed that to stress. The third night, she got real sick, and couldn't go to bed. I simply told her to take an aspirin and try to get some rest.. The fourth night, she woke me up around 4 am, kneeling by the bed, delirious - she was rambling something about Jesus and how she thought she was mother Mary. I knew something was wrong then.. I stayed up the entire night with her, trying to calm her down, and then shortly before noon I decided to take her to the hospital.
Well, on the way out, while I was putting stuff in the car, she ran away. She hid for almost nine hours. After we found her and got her to the hospital, they told me that if she didn't get rest soon that she could have serious issues later on. I won't go into details there, but you get the point. They finally diagnosed her with the Bi-Polar disorder, and gave her medicine to help control the physical side of things.
She hasn't had a problem since, and that's been almost 6 years ago.
Now, with the Bi-Polar disorder, everything goes in cycles, and each cycle gets progressively worse. Her cycles were at about every 6 to 7 months, which is very mild for people with this disorder. Imagine, knowing the situation that I just told you about, imagine that she never got the medicine and she had another cycle like that one. What would have happened? Personally, I'd rather her take the medication rather than face the alternative.
Medication, as long as it's regulated, is not harmful. It's when people take it without reason and abuse it that it becomes harmful. Think about it, if you get bit by a venomous snake, would you choose to live rather than face the agony of a painful death? If you had back problems, and the only way you could walk was to take pain medication, wouldn't you do that?
Point is, medication is just a tool to help you live a better life, but it's not a substitute for self recovery. Just as with a hammer, it is only a tool.
Again, if you've been having this problem for a long time, I highly advice talking to a professional. Sure, the first couple sessions will be lame, but the more the person gets to know you, the more they will be able to help.
If you find a good counselor/doctor/whatever, they WILL help you change your life. I know, I've been there before. But, again, you have to be willing to make the change in your life.
I think you're ready.. It's up to you do make a difference in things - this is your life, now take control of it.
My friend, I wish you the best. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to try to cover all the concerns that you expressed.
Good luck with things.
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