It's happening again - ugh! (dating, woman, children, feelings)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been dating this wonderful man for about 4-5 months now. We connect on just about every level, we have so much in common and we have had a great time.
Neither one of us wanted anything full time. We see each other once or twice a week when he is in town, he goes home, his life is his own and mine is mine. I was a little apprehensive at first because he has a child and I don't want to be with anyone with children, but that really wasn't a big deal since we weren't going full-steam with this.
He is becoming very attached; he wants more. My thinking is that the distance will make it impossible (he lives in another city, hours away), so nothing really has to change. I'm also monogamous by nature. While we are free to date other people, I don't like to date multiple men and he can find comfort in that. I have grown to care for him a great deal so things have progressed at a healthy pace there. Even with that, I'm not where he is.
I explained this to him and he understands, but I can tell it is bothering him. I figure he's a big boy and will tell me when he can't handle it anymore. In the meantime, we can see where it goes. But I know what my goals are and they don't allow for a full time relationship right now. I also don't have the emotional resources to accomodate more than I do now. I don't see me catching up any time soon.
I'm a little conflicted as to what to do. Thoughts?
I've been dating this wonderful man for about 4-5 months now. We connect on just about every level, we have so much in common and we have had a great time.
Neither one of us wanted anything full time. We see each other once or twice a week when he is in town, he goes home, his life is his own and mine is mine. I was a little apprehensive at first because he has a child and I don't want to be with anyone with children, but that really wasn't a big deal since we weren't going full-steam with this.
He is becoming very attached; he wants more. My thinking is that the distance will make it impossible (he lives in another city, hours away), so nothing really has to change. I'm also monogamous by nature. While we are free to date other people, I don't like to date multiple men and he can find comfort in that. I have grown to care for him a great deal so things have progressed at a healthy pace there. Even with that, I'm not where he is.
I explained this to him and he understands, but I can tell it is bothering him. I figure he's a big boy and will tell me when he can't handle it anymore. In the meantime, we can see where it goes. But I know what my goals are and they don't allow for a full time relationship right now. I also don't have the emotional resources to accomodate more than I do now. I don't see me catching up any time soon.
I'm a little conflicted as to what to do. Thoughts?
I'm sad for you, but I am also proud of you for being able to know and live by your limitations.
There really is nothing for you to do at this point. You've been honest with him and now the ball is in his court. You've done the best you could already
Can you just explain how you feel to him? If he wants more, you are being honest by laying your feelings on the line. 4-5 months is not in too deep to back off.
I was a little apprehensive at first because he has a child and I don't want to be with anyone with children, but that really wasn't a big deal since we weren't going full-steam with this.
I'm a little conflicted as to what to do. Thoughts?
Yep. You don`t want to be with anyone with children? Say goodbye and wish him well!!
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
I think 4 or 5 months is a lot of time to invest in someone when you thinkk his/her children are a deal breaker or damper, don't you? Therefore, there must be something about him and your relationship that makes you think you could possibly change your mind, don't you think? Me, I'd imagine him no longer in my life--take it months, even years down the road. Do you like what you see?
I would prefer someone with no children, but if cupid shot me with someone who has them, I'm sure I'd be fine with it. I'm just not in that place right now, nor am I looking for the type of commitment that would require me to accept a child. I made this clear up front.
Aside from my own limitations, he said his work would not allow for the maintenance of a full time relationship, so he had no problem with my preferences as he had no intention of putting his child in the mix. He doesn't want there to be any exposure until he is ready to settle down and sure that this woman is suitable to be in his child's life. I live here, he lives there, he's too busy, it just wasn't going to happen, not for a long time.
If hes pushing for more after you both agreed to the same from the get go,
he was not honest. I don't mean in the blatantly dishonest sort of way.
He misrepresented himself to get you as far as he has in the relationship
because he had a strong interest, and thought he could perhaps change
your mind over time. PPl say what they want everyday and then do the
exact opposite, your just not one of those gals.
I would prefer someone with no children, but if cupid shot me with someone who has them, I'm sure I'd be fine with it. I'm just not in that place right now, nor am I looking for the type of commitment that would require me to accept a child. I made this clear up front.
Aside from my own limitations, he said his work would not allow for the maintenance of a full time relationship, so he had no problem with my preferences as he had no intention of putting his child in the mix. He doesn't want there to be any exposure until he is ready to settle down and sure that this woman is suitable to be in his child's life. I live here, he lives there, he's too busy, it just wasn't going to happen, not for a long time.
It sounds like he is looking after his childs needs first.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
