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Law school - you're currently residing in one of my possible futures lol. Tell me, is it as dank and solemn as some people have divulged to me? Seriously though, congrats.
I can see how one would be unmotivated and uncertain to date. A quick perusal at half of the threads in this forum is enough to make anyone run away into the embrace of a hermitic life. The dating world is kind of like a bunch of blind people running around and bumping into each other, then blaming the other person for bumping into them. Le sigh. Still, there is always light! Dating should be fun - and it is. Jump in the game, tiger! Ahh, was that a cheesy cheer lol? I'm in a peppy mood and it's bubbling over into my posts.
And let's just say that I attend a college in the Research Triangle.
Thank you,
Yup law school. Not attending yet, but I have been accepted for next year so I will let you know when I go though it. (I am pretty much committed at this point).
I agree with your description of dating. That is in part why I am uncertain and unmotivated. You never know who you will run into and what they will want and if it is compatible with what you want. Then there are people who string you along, that is the worst. Even so you are right I might as well go for it because when you do find a good person it is great, if only for a while...now if only I had the time (just kidding).
A college in the Research Triangle...hmm...that doesn't narrow it down much. I am a townie in Chapel Hill grew up and went to high school here then came back because it seemed sensible at the time.
Oh, c'mon now... you make it sound as if half of the men are in prison!
. Nah...I was just adding up the probabilities that lessen the dating pool for women.
More men than women get killed in reckless (or work) accidents.
No stigma for a man to be a bachelor.
More men don't mind being in a "sex-only" relationship.
More men are focused on sports or are work aholics.
etc.
Yup law school. Not attending yet, but I have been accepted for next year so I will let you know when I go though it. (I am pretty much committed at this point).
I agree with your description of dating. That is in part why I am uncertain and unmotivated. You never know who you will run into and what they will want and if it is compatible with what you want. Then there are people who string you along, that is the worst. Even so you are right I might as well go for it because when you do find a good person it is great, if only for a while...now if only I had the time (just kidding).
A college in the Research Triangle...hmm...that doesn't narrow it down much. I am a townie in Chapel Hill grew up and went to high school here then came back because it seemed sensible at the time.
I just narrowed it down to 3 universities haha!! Did you go to East Chapel Hill High? I have a few friends that go/went there and they made it sound like the paradise of high schools. Something about a mural?
My curiosity is getting the best of me. . . where are you planning on going to LS? Feel free not to divulge.
Stay positive about dating. You can't meet the right person if you don't meet anyone at all.
I just narrowed it down to 3 universities haha!! Did you go to East Chapel Hill High? I have a few friends that go/went there and they made it sound like the paradise of high schools. Something about a mural?
My curiosity is getting the best of me. . . where are you planning on going to LS? Feel free not to divulge.
Stay positive about dating. You can't meet the right person if you don't meet anyone at all.
3 that is a good clue. Now I think you have narrowed it down to three, UNC, Duke, and NC State, as they are the most widely known, before that we had at least 7 if you include NC Central, Campbell, Meredith and Shaw.
Yup, I graduated from East Chapel Hill High, but that was a while ago. They did have a mural in cafeteria, but I do not remember anything special about it. I did like it there though, the instructors were wonderful and it was a great place academically.
Currently several interest me so I am uncertain where exactly I will go. On top of that I have a few I had applied to I have not heard from, but have written them off because I have been accepted to better schools, though that could change if they give me a lot of money. My favorites currently are ASU, UNC, U of AZ, Temple and American.
. Nah...I was just adding up the probabilities that lessen the dating pool for women.
More men than women get killed in reckless (or work) accidents.
No stigma for a man to be a bachelor.
More men don't mind being in a "sex-only" relationship.
More men are focused on sports or are work aholics.
etc.
Hi vicket,
Don't forget we are a militant society and send many of our men overseas. A small but significant amount are maimed or killed each year. Other pressures are foreign competition and porn.
There is one great hope however. With the fat epidemic any woman that chooses to stand out can do so rather easily especially with an out going personality. Several women report here how they have an easy and care free love life even as they are older. Its the ones mired in self delusion and self pity that will suffer the most.
I am in a similar boat. I have had relationships and I would like to think of myself as a wonderful person even if I do not always live up to it.
Looking at myself impartially, I have to say specifically in my case it is due to a combination of worrying about relationship outcomes and lack of effort. To be honest while it might be nice to have a girlfriend and there are times I would really like to have someone special most of the time I do not mind being single and even question if it is worth the investment I would need to make in a relationship at this time. On top of that, I have a rather transient lifestyle which is may cause problems and while I have been fortunate enough not to have seriously dated a dysfunctional person I know many people who have and that possibility worries me. Now if an attractive woman approached me and asked me on a date that would be another story, but I doubt that would happen.
Merry Christmas and best of luck to you on whichever path you choose to pursue.
Thanks, Randomstudent. Great food for thought. Love your honesty. I can relate. My life has also be pretty transient. Maybe people assume that I am the one who won't stick around. Yes and no. I won't stick around for abuse or drama in various forms, but I am absolutely faithful in a solid relationship that is good for both people.
For now, I think I need to enjoy "flying solo" again, while keeping my heart open to all possibilities. I just have to learn to stop tormenting myself and getting it all twisted, thinking that there must be something wrong with me or wrong with being single. Nope. Time to learn to accept life on life's terms, as they say, while never losing that spark of hope or openness.
I have two single women friends...both are BEAUTIFUL, funny and socially approachable. Both have better than decent jobs. Both are good and thoughtful friends.
But they are less than easy going. I think they make men feel like they have to "walk on eggshells".
I have another good friend who is about 30 pounds overweight and not the most polished person in the world...but she rarely lacks for male company.
I am not saying she doesn't ever get crabby, but she is just waaay more accepting of men. I think they feel comfortable around her.
Not directed at the OP, just contributing to the thread.
Also don't forget the cold hard facts of nature.
There are simply not enough hetero, non-incarcerated, healthy and intelligent men to go around.
Thanks for being so respectful, vicket, and insightful. Ironically, you described me almost to a tee. Some find me beautiful. I don't know about that. I am cute/attractive, funny and socially approachable, thoughtful, etc. Yet I do have some basic standards when it comes to ltr's. Basic to me, maybe, but becoming more and more rare these days: faithfulness, honesty, shared decision-making, compatibility, chemistry (if you get my drift), give and take, both people moving toward shared and/or mutually-supported goals, etc. Some people say that I am too strict or woefully old-fashioned. I don't get it. If this is old-fashioned or if my expectations are too high or unrealistic, then I had better come to terms with being single the rest of my life. lol. Who knows?
Not that there is anything wrong with being single. I enjoy it myself, except for these blasted holidays and vacations (which I think are grossly over-rated). I've enjoyed my single life for a long time. Now, strangely, I find myself wishing I had someone to cuddle with right now, on this cold, rainy, snowy, solitary Wisconsin Christmas day--someone I could share my otherwise great life with--a real love partner or mate.
So, today, on yet another solitary Christmas day I find myself doing some real soul-searching. I just googled this book title: If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single? I found the table of contents on amazon.com, and it has me exploring why or how an otherwise happy and together person always winds up alone. I mean, I am seriously asking myself here what internal blocks am I harboring deep down? Do I really not want to be in a relationship? Is that why I am drawn to people who I must know, again deep down, can't commit or be there for me or with me consistently?
Aaaaaaargh! lol
So, what do you think? Why are there so many wonderful people out here who are "challenged" in this area? I meet all these charming, funny, smart, and, yes, sexy people on the job, in the arts, in classes, yadda yadda. They flirt with me, get crushes on me, throw out little hints, etc.; and they almost all turn out to be truly dysfunctional when it comes to romance or intimacy. I'm afraid I might be one of them because anyone I find myself attracted to either gets turned off all of a sudden, runs screaming for the hills, disappears after the chase is over, or tries to gobble me up or smother me. I know I'm capable of loving and being loved. I have had some very good long-term relationships in the past.
I look around me, everywhere (NYC, Madison, etc. I travel.), and I see so many truly messed up people (angry, b*tchy, childish, etc.) in lasting relationships. What do they know about relationships and jumping in there that the rest of us seem to be missing?
Dang, I sound so Sex and the City today (Remember Carrie's column?). But seriously, if I'm so wonderful why am I still single? I hate this expression, but how do people "get in their own way" when it comes to relationships?
Join the club.
I know one day it would get better though.
I think my problem in thus regard is thus:
- I'm not socially forward as I could be. I'm not shy, and I like/enjoy human contact. But I'm very stoical and not necessarily the king of conversation. I think this puts women off, since for them it's too much hard work.
- I don't make as much effort to meet people as I like. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I think from now I have to be more proactive.
- I'm not socially forward as I could be. I'm not shy, and I like/enjoy human contact. But I'm very stoical and not necessarily the king of conversation. I think this puts women off, since for them it's too much hard work.
- I don't make as much effort to meet people as I like. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I think from now I have to be more proactive.
Thank you so much. Love your honesty. All the best to you in the New Year.
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. Nah...I was just adding up the probabilities that lessen the dating pool for women.
