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I have not seen my husband for half a year. We are from different countries and I am busy with finishing my PhD before I move to him.
He is coming for Christmas to meet me in here. And the same time he invites the female friend he met in Internet for us three to meet in a capital of my country. She is from neighbourhood country. They never met in reality. But he thinks she is a friend, calls her from overseas and sends parcels.
My husband says he wants to pay for her hotel and her tickets, because "she wants to see him." And adds that "she envies you because you have me. She wants the same man as I am, she says". According to his words the lady found her coming unappropriate, as she afraids she can influence our relationship. He is keeping insisting on her to come and is searching the transport schedule for her.
How should I react to all this? How you would react to?
I have not seen my husband for half a year. We are from different countries and I am busy with finishing my PhD before I move to him.
He is coming for Christmas to meet me in here. And the same time he invites the female friend he met in Internet for us three to meet in a capital of my country. She is from neighbourhood country. They never met in reality. But he thinks she is a friend, calls her from overseas and sends parcels. My husband says he wants to pay for her hotel and her tickets, because "she wants to see him." And adds that "she envies you because you have me. She wants the same man as I am, she says". According to his words the lady found her coming unappropriate, as she afraids she can influence our relationship. He is keeping insisting on her to come and is searching the transport schedule for her.
How should I react to all this? How you would react to?
I have not seen my husband for half a year. We are from different countries and I am busy with finishing my PhD before I move to him.
He is coming for Christmas to meet me in here. And the same time he invites the female friend he met in Internet for us three to meet in a capital of my country. She is from neighbourhood country. They never met in reality. But he thinks she is a friend, calls her from overseas and sends parcels.
My husband says he wants to pay for her hotel and her tickets, because "she wants to see him." And adds that "she envies you because you have me. She wants the same man as I am, she says". According to his words the lady found her coming unappropriate, as she afraids she can influence our relationship. He is keeping insisting on her to come and is searching the transport schedule for her.
How should I react to all this? How you would react to?
Yes, absolutely serious. I said I don't like the idea. My husband says I am overjealous and I am making the deal over nothing. He points me back to my male friend from a neighbourhood city (in his country) whom we visited. I knew that man in reality and worked for him with interpreting. We keep connection and he asks me time to time to make interpretations or translating.
I told to my husband that I was not seeking for that male friend in Internet and he nor expressed ideas of "envy" my husband, neither he would come to another country for a day just to see me.
Well, we are in conflict about the point...
Yeah, from a male perspective I gotta say this guy's not acting like he takes your relationship too seriously..... This woman has basically stated she wants your guy. He knows this and somehow doesn't think it's a problem for her to come hang out with both of you on his/your dime??? Dude doesn't sound too bright unless he's trying to set up a threesome or something. I know it sounds like a smart-alec comment, but I don't see any other logical reason for his thinking here....
VAFury, he stated her words of "envying you" with kind of laugh, telling me he assured her she won't interfere out relationship.
His first idea was to rent a 2 bedrooms for her to stay with us.
He says I am too much jealous and he does not mind my male friends, why then I mind his female friends. All goes as I look as mistrusting him and trying to overcontrol him.
Men and women can have friends of the opposite sex. However, all parties involved need to understand boundaries when one or both are married. I have a good internet friend who's married. I can assure you that if he ever insisted on paying for me to travel to see him and for my hotel room, red flags would be swinging so high in the wind - you'd see them across the US! His behavior is not respectful of you, of his friendship, or of your marriage.
You all haven't seen each other for a year and a half! He shouldn't be concentrating on anything but having you in his arms! This is all too weird!!!
bluegrassgirl, sorry my not perfect English... I meant a half of year in the initial post.
Anyway... So, do you all think there's no innocent, pure, spiritual... whatever explanation for? I still try to tell myself - maybe I should just let the things to take their course and maybe my head is stuffed with some nonsense as my husband says?
He says that a girl needs some vacation, she does not travel anywhere, so she can have some fun with us, or to find a boyfriend in the city we suppose to meet for holidays.
Just my guts tell that I really don't like a situation. I would not mind him meeting with a old female friend from reality. Internet sometimes idealize the people and I hardly understand why he is so insisting.
I guess, should I look a too "suspectful" wife if I call the girl to clarify what's going on actually? Actually I can do it - I keep her contacts.
Really, I am in lost... and I don't know how to behave.
I have not seen my husband for half a year. We are from different countries and I am busy with finishing my PhD before I move to him.
He is coming for Christmas to meet me in here. And the same time he invites the female friend he met in Internet for us three to meet in a capital of my country. She is from neighbourhood country. They never met in reality. But he thinks she is a friend, calls her from overseas and sends parcels.
My husband says he wants to pay for her hotel and her tickets, because "she wants to see him." And adds that "she envies you because you have me. She wants the same man as I am, she says". According to his words the lady found her coming unappropriate, as she afraids she can influence our relationship. He is keeping insisting on her to come and is searching the transport schedule for her.
How should I react to all this? How you would react to?
Surely you jest?
My husband would be in serious trouble if he were stupid enough to treat me this way. Unless you like this sort of thing I suggest you get a backbone and straighten your husband out.
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