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If you are a man, and you are dating, or in an early part of a relationship (early meaning first year or two), and you're feeling hurt, confused, or any negative emotion: then a major answer to your problem is to just stop caring.
Too many guys are worried about what the other girl thinks. This is for good reason, everyone cares about how they are perceived, but I feel men care too much about changing those perceptions, or thinking they can.
I don't mean stop caring meaning be a jerk about it and treat her poorly, but if you're dating a girl and she's doing things that are shady, you don't like, annoying, stupid, hurtful, anything negative....why do you deal with her? Just walk. Or go meet/date/see/hangout with other women. So the girl who you think is maybe cheating on you finds out you had dinner with another girl. What's the worst thing that happens? She leaves you. If she leaves you that easily, you saved yourself a trip to heartbreak trauma hospital. The pain is not worth it. And the pain comes from caring too much.
I've been just as guilty of it in the past, and unfortunately I had a lot of rough experiences that helped me see the light. But these bad experiences could've been avoided if I just had someone to give me a dose of reality and tell me to stop investing so much emotion into the situation and just letting it go.
The biggest fear is being alone forever, if this person leaves there's no guarantee you'll find another person. Well I am living and walking proof that you can be just as happy without a significant other. Actually, you will be MORE HAPPY as a single guy than dating a girl that causes you pain or confusion. Think about that. Ask yourself if it's worth caring so much, and you'll find it's not. There's nothing to worry about, and there's nothing to lose, just a few bad women out there that will hold you down.
Just Let It Go.
Example: I stopped caring when dating a girl who I never really established a committed relationship with. I could sense that she liked me, but something was holding her back. Now instead of worrying about it, I just didn't think about it, and did my own thing, and whatever happened happened. Well one day she did call and said we shouldn't date anymore but she liked me, gave me a long speech about it, yada yada, I didn't care. The reason I didn't care is because I already knew, and all that mattered was she didn't want to see me. I didn't care about the reason, cuz the reason was most likely garbage anyway. When she told me, I said "okay". That's it, she was shocked, she couldn't believe I wasn't fighting her on it, and sure enough, one of her friends told me how upset she was after she broke it off with me. She said "I think she felt worse than you do". That's the key, I didn't care, so I couldn't be hurt by it. I'm untouchable.
That's why bad boys jerks are so successful. They genuinely don't care about her. If you care, you get emotionally attached and likely to get hurt. Bad boys don't get hurt...
women encourage this behavior in men.
I think you are headed in the right direction. However, I don't think the phrase "Don't care" adequately represents your idea. More like: have some self-respect.
I think I could use this phrase instead: Have a backbone
Also....
it isn't the problem "with men." It was never my problem, for example. You have simply identified your problem, and perhaps just one of them. But, Kudos to that.
Only one problem with this philosophy and it's a big one. To love someone, you have to let them in to see the real you. All your wonderful parts as well as the pieces that are less than perfect. If you don't care and build up those walls to protect yourself, you will never know love. If you do it long enough, you will lose your emotional connection to other people completely. You have to give the person you love the ability to hurt you.
Sure you can be untouchable. But I would never wish that on anyone.
If you are a man, and you are dating, or in an early part of a relationship (early meaning first year or two), and you're feeling hurt, confused, or any negative emotion: then a major answer to your problem is to just stop caring.
Too many guys are worried about what the other girl thinks. This is for good reason, everyone cares about how they are perceived, but I feel men care too much about changing those perceptions, or thinking they can.
I don't mean stop caring meaning be a jerk about it and treat her poorly, but if you're dating a girl and she's doing things that are shady, you don't like, annoying, stupid, hurtful, anything negative....why do you deal with her? Just walk. Or go meet/date/see/hangout with other women. So the girl who you think is maybe cheating on you finds out you had dinner with another girl. What's the worst thing that happens? She leaves you. If she leaves you that easily, you saved yourself a trip to heartbreak trauma hospital. The pain is not worth it. And the pain comes from caring too much.
I've been just as guilty of it in the past, and unfortunately I had a lot of rough experiences that helped me see the light. But these bad experiences could've been avoided if I just had someone to give me a dose of reality and tell me to stop investing so much emotion into the situation and just letting it go.
The biggest fear is being alone forever, if this person leaves there's no guarantee you'll find another person. Well I am living and walking proof that you can be just as happy without a significant other. Actually, you will be MORE HAPPY as a single guy than dating a girl that causes you pain or confusion. Think about that. Ask yourself if it's worth caring so much, and you'll find it's not. There's nothing to worry about, and there's nothing to lose, just a few bad women out there that will hold you down.
Just Let It Go.
Example: I stopped caring when dating a girl who I never really established a committed relationship with. I could sense that she liked me, but something was holding her back. Now instead of worrying about it, I just didn't think about it, and did my own thing, and whatever happened happened. Well one day she did call and said we shouldn't date anymore but she liked me, gave me a long speech about it, yada yada, I didn't care. The reason I didn't care is because I already knew, and all that mattered was she didn't want to see me. I didn't care about the reason, cuz the reason was most likely garbage anyway. When she told me, I said "okay". That's it, she was shocked, she couldn't believe I wasn't fighting her on it, and sure enough, one of her friends told me how upset she was after she broke it off with me. She said "I think she felt worse than you do". That's the key, I didn't care, so I couldn't be hurt by it. I'm untouchable.
Yeah, and if you "don't care" long enough your heart will turn into a solid rock of black coal. But if you don't mind that....
I couldn't help but think that this was in response to the thread I posted earlier (especially since you responded to it).
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