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good watch in which she says "Guys came up with 3 things that should click for them to agree for a second date while Girls had 300 different things that could cause them to not go out with a guy again"
My take on it is that women, on a first date, from the first few minutes they see a guy are evaluating him as a potential husband while men just take it as it comes. Hence women are much more judgemental right away.
Biology and Evolution say that a woman has to be much more judgmental. If they hook up with a loser, the ramifications can be lifelong. Where as a man only loses a little bit of zinc and mucous.
Speaking strictly from a science viewpoint. It's probably deeply ingrained in women to be judgmental when looking for mates.
Biology and evolution also say that in many, many species the males mate with multiple females.
So why do women get bent out of shape when I do that? You'd think they'd just fall back on their evolutionary instincts...
That's why they have boobs and can mate at all hours of the month. To keep us around. It was to a females advantage to keep the male around. For protection and food.
I sent it to friends also in our age group... the ones who have never been married were outraged. The ones who are divorced reacted the same way I did: She's got a point.
good watch in which she says "Guys came up with 3 things that should click for them to agree for a second date while Girls had 300 different things that could cause them to not go out with a guy again"
My take on it is that women, on a first date, from the first few minutes they see a guy are evaluating him as a potential husband while men just take it as it comes. Hence women are much more judgemental right away.
... or more realistic. I have to chuckle when I see the statement (assuming even that it's true, though it's pure conjecture on the part of the author) that guys would settle for women who meet 80% of their criteria for perfection. Well, what about the other 20%? Can you think in specifics? Imagine you meet a woman who is absolutely perfect in every conceivable way. Beautiful, young, fertile, rich, great cook and loooooves to clean and do laundry. Except, she has this problem where she constantly farts, real stinky and real loud. All the freakin' time. Or she has a mother from hell. Whatever -- one slight thing that isn't her fault, but that can make your life very unpleasant. Is she 80% perfect? Or more than 80%? Probably more -- but I doubt many guys will go on a second date with a serial thunder-farter, much less marry her. For both men and women, there is a myriad situations in which one little thing can be a complete deal-breaker. And it is the truth even if men don't by and large admit it.
And having preferences as far as marriage is concerned is not being "judgmental" -- it's having marital preferences, that's all. I was never attracted to short men, for example. I respect them as people, as colleagues, I don't insult them or dehumanize them -- I just would never date them. I don't "judge" them for their shortness -- just not attracted, that's all. Shortness is not a character flaw, but dating and ultimately marriage is about physical attraction too.
The author of this book suffers from a great handicap in that she's never been married. Ordinarily, I try not to argue on the basis of authority, but she really IS being theoretical. Let her follow her own advice, and I'll talk to her in 10 years. She just doesn't understand what marriage is. Being married means you spend the rest of your life legally bound to another person in the most intimate way possible. It means you spend more time with this person than with anyone else. You have sex with this person, you share a bed (presumably). His face is the first one you see in the morning when you wake up and the last one before you go to sleep. And that makes settling very hard. His halitosis may seem like too trivial a reason not to settle, but if you have to live with it every (disposable) minute of every day, and if it's something that's bothering you now, I guarantee you, it would drive you up the wall very, very fast were you to get married. His political ideas about abortion may not seemingly have any relevance to your relationship, but if you share a life together, it WILL gnaw at you just a little bit more every day, especially if you realize that political convictions don't exist in a vacuum, but are a reflection of a person's general worldview values, which includes attitudes to the opposite sex, which informs his attitude to you. Even if you are in your forties, a lifetime is a very long time to suppress a gag reflex or to cultivate resentment. Settling sounds easy when you theorize. It's a lot less attractive in real life.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Every species has it's own particular way of weeding out 'Mr. Wrong for me'. If that weren't the case, everything would just wander around like zombies mating with the first thing they bumped into. And it's not judging. No one's condemning those they reject as a mate. They're just discerning between the right one and the wrong one.
Great article! I think she's right on the money. She described me to a tee, anyway, lol. In my 20s, I was having fun, and didn't "worry" about finding Mr. Right. I just knew that he would be there someday. When I hit 30, I started thinking, "Omg, if I don't find him NOW, I may never have a family!" So at almost 34, I settled. Not the Mr. Wow This is It, but Mr. I Think He'd Make a Good Husband and Dad.
Did I do the right thing? Some days I think yes, some days no. Is it better than being alone? Yes, for sure. Would I have met someone else that would've been Mr. Right, if I'd waited a little longer? Who knows. I'll never know. Sadly I realize, like the author is saying, that if I should ever become husbandless (death or divorce), that my chances now (mid 40s with 3 kids) is WAY worse than it was then. So I guess I'll stick with the status quo, and do the best with it that I can. The alternative is probably worse anyway.
good watch in which she says "Guys came up with 3 things that should click for them to agree for a second date while Girls had 300 different things that could cause them to not go out with a guy again"
My take on it is that women, on a first date, from the first few minutes they see a guy are evaluating him as a potential husband while men just take it as it comes. Hence women are much more judgemental right away.
Hi k374,
Look at the bright side, at least women didn't select men with exterior mucus membranes. Hear, hear for picky women! I would hate to leave a slug trail.
Last edited by gwynedd1; 02-24-2010 at 02:10 PM..
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You'd think they'd just fall back on their evolutionary instincts...
