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We have a house together, were married. I guess it's easy to divorce. Im a christian, divorce gets in the way. and if anyone knows what im talking about. thats the last thing that I want. but on the other hand it's for me to hear and know that she talks to this other guy. I think im more religious toward my faith than she is.
But I dont want to let god down, and yes it sounds stupid to some people. but It's true, I dont want to dissapoint jesus. I want this to work out and be married forever until we die. I owe him that. and I love this woman dearly. It kills me to know what I know about her and the other man.
You honestly think this is what Jesus wants for you? Statements like this make people turn away from God. Jesus himself said that in the case of adultery, divorce is acceptable. Your wife has committed adultery. You can divorce her without disappointing God and leave yourself open to the woman God has for you, rather than the woman you want for you.
We have a house together, were married. I guess it's easy to divorce. Im a christian, divorce gets in the way. and if anyone knows what im talking about. thats the last thing that I want. but on the other hand it's for me to hear and know that she talks to this other guy. I think im more religious toward my faith than she is.
But I dont want to let god down, and yes it sounds stupid to some people. but It's true, I dont want to dissapoint jesus. I want this to work out and be married forever until we die. I owe him that. and I love this woman dearly. It kills me to know what I know about her and the other man.
I understand where you are at. I'm on the other side of this. I am a Christian who had an emotional affair w/a guy from work. Long story so I won't go into it. But, I guess I can see things from her perspective:
#1 - She's very confused. She has strong feelings for him but is married. I can tell you that she feels completely confused & conflicted. She doesn't know which way is up. There may have already been issues in your marriage but this other guy is adding to the confusion. (I know -- because that's where I am at)
#2 - As a Christian, she feels really conflicted about divorce. Yet, she feels like staying married is going to be impossible.
#3 - The more you pressure her, the more she wants to get away. The more you try to tell her how much you love her, the more space she needs. I strongly suggest backing off -- even recommending a separation so she sees YOU are serious about moving on if she can't handle being married to you.
#4 - The separation may help her see the "real" situation -- i.e...is this guy really going to be there for her. Probably not. Only then can she start to see you in a different way.
#5 - You can't talk her into loving you. She has to figure it out on her own.
#6 - Continuing to text the other guy is going to leave her in a state of confusion forever. You need to let her know that if she wants to continue texting him, then you need to separate or divorce. THere can't be three of you in the marriage which is what there is right now.
#7 - Ask her again to try counseling. Individual counseling is what she needs more than marriage counseling right now. She is very confused. I am in it now and it is helping.
I say all this like it is easy but it isn't. I am in her shoes & I don't know what to do either. I feel little for my husband, although there were other issues in that he was verbally abusive. But, we have 20+ years together, so its not easy to walk away. I wish you luck but you deserve a good life too. For her to stay in it (in her current state) is living a lie -- God doesn't want that either. And, yes, she has technically had an affair & that is reason for divorce.
I never heard od an emotional relationship. but I guess it's true. she told me she was ready for marriage, but your right she says she thinks about him. he always texts and e mails hersaying that he loves her. and EVERYTIME it works with him.
It really hurt my feelings she she told him that she loved him and still has feelings for him. she said I dont deserve her. What am I suppose to do though? she says counsling will not work with us. she confuses me soo much.
Do not be confused. She is telling you it is over without actually saying those words for some reason. "I need to find myself, you don't deserve me, counseling won't work for us..." that's what those things mean. I realize that hurts to hear, but that is the truth, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can begin to heal and find someone who loves you back.
My wife I have been with for 5 years and I are fighting alot. Ive only been married to her for 1 year. over the time she will say "she needs to find herself" and she needs wants to leave me. I recentley found out that she still talks to her former first love bf she had for 4 years.
she says she still loves him and has feelings for him. and he always texts her and she use to lie about it. but now she came clean and told me she loved him. she always goes back and fourth between the two of us. but now she is married to me. she dosent want a divorce nor do I. we are both 23. this man lives in another state. but it still bothers the heck out of me. I thought once we were married that would be the end of him. but it's not. I dont know what to do. we have a house, no kids... I love my wife very much. but this is very tough to hear her say she loves another man. What do you guys think is going on here?
Sometimes you just gotta cash in and walk away, as hard as that may be. I could never EVER be with a women who loved another man.
Sorry, life sure sucks a fat one at times - things will get better, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamerschris
We have a house together, were married. I guess it's easy to divorce. Im a christian, divorce gets in the way. and if anyone knows what im talking about. thats the last thing that I want. but on the other hand it's for me to hear and know that she talks to this other guy. I think im more religious toward my faith than she is.
But I dont want to let god down, and yes it sounds stupid to some people. but It's true, I dont want to dissapoint jesus. I want this to work out and be married forever until we die. I owe him that. and I love this woman dearly. It kills me to know what I know about her and the other man.
Please don't take this is an insult to your faith, but what does it have anything to do with the fact that you may have chosen the wrong person to marry? You maybe made a mistake, the best thing you could do is move on and find the right person for you.
Would it make sense to buy a car which turned out to be a piece of **** and just deal with it because of your contractual commitment? Of course not...
I was with a woman one time and we broke up and did the on and off shyt for a while. She met some other guy and couldn't decide who she wanted.
I made the decision easier for her.
Yep, tried to rep ya. I wish more people would just realize how short life is and that they won't go to hell for ending a marriage/relationship in the name of their own sanity and happiness.
Your wife went from Ma and Pa to you... If you don't get this fixed up soon, 9 years from now she will leave you and take everything you earned. Currently you are old hat and the old guy is some wild hero, since he ain't old hat. I was there....
Wow this is a tuff situation. I applaud the OP for loving his wife even though she admitted to being in love with another man. I have a friend who married a man, but has always remained in love with another. Her marriage has suffered over the years as a result of her maintaining an emotional attachment to a man who is not her husband. She was in her early 20s when she and her husband were married and another man has been in their marriage for well over 10 years. Their marriage does better when she does not have any contact with the other man, but once she makes contact her marriage suffers. If I were in such a situation I would have to ask some hard questions of my spouse. Can she leave this man behind and make u and ur marriage her first priority? And if she says yes then u need to see evidence. If she says no or she is uncertain, then u have some hard choices to make. Only u can decide what u can live with. Good luck
Your wife went from Ma and Pa to you... If you don't get this fixed up soon, 9 years from now she will leave you and take everything you earned. Currently you are old hat and the old guy is some wild hero, since he ain't old hat. I was there....
Thanks, there is a lot of truth in what you say
Here's another problem I see... he says they are both 23 and have been together 5 years, which means they were all of 18 when they got together.
He goes on to say her "first love" was someone she was with for 4 years, which means she met THAT guy at 14. This girl (she is not yet a real woman) has basically only known these two guys her entire life and went from being in her parents home to her husbands - big mistake. She had no "me" time - not enough time to grow up and establish her own autonomy - become a true individual.
Sadly, what is happening with her right now is COMPLETELY understandable and to be expected given all these circumstances - she is simply growing up - it had to happen eventually.
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