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If you have no kids then you are living an absolute dream life. I would love to have a wife who worked 40-50 hours a week to provide for both of us, whilst I do ALL the household chores including shopping and ALL DIY stuff needed to be done. No problems. I would do it with a smile on my face.
I am also the contractor for the renovation of our home. It's a FULL TIME JOB to do that and take care of both of our lives.
I don't think there's a "normal" or "abnormal" way to treat this. Your husband apparently believes that since he works, you can do all the house work plus renovations and it's an even trade. Do YOU think it is?
I work at home and my wife works outside the home. She feels about like your husband does, although she'll cook a meal now and then, and sometimes (rarely) do a small load of laundry and/or will accompany me to the grocery store. Since my business has been down the past couple years, I don't mind. I usually have time to do housework, lawn care, maintenance, run errands, keep our cars cleaned, lubed and filled with gas, etc. and still get my work done. The house could be cleaner, but neither of us complain.
It's really between the two of you, not what's MOST normal.
As for the sandwiches, my wife and I used to have an understanding. If she cooked dinner, I cleaned up the cooking mess. If I cooked, she cleaned up the mess. But we've gotten away from that. When I cook, I prefer to wash dishes as I go, and I'd rather clean up a mess than look at it.
If you have kids at home he should help. If it is just you and him ,I would think you could do the house work in 1 hour everyday then you would have the rest of the day to do the home repairs. If I were home all day and my husband had to make himself a sandwich when he came home I don't think I would complain if I had to wipe up some crumbs and put the mayo in the fridge.
Even whe I stayed home with kids I did 95% of the housework, had dinner on the table every day at 5:00. I did the dishes while he took a shower and we had a peaceful evening together with the kids. He took out the trash and if something broke he fixed it.
I stay home (no kids). My DH not only cleans up after himself, on his days off he insists on helping with housework too. I wish I could get him to stop but he says it's only a partnership if he helps me. Go figure. Not that I don't appreciate the help, but it's completely unnecessary.
I am also the home fixer upper person. We just recently sold our most recent project and are current in short term rental so there is virtually nothing for me to do beyond normal cleaning. He still insists on helping. I'm lucky.
Not normal. He's taking advantage. I know someone that went through this although she couldn't work due to disabilities. She still was expected to do everything. He loved it, his own personal slave. She felt guilty and pushed herself until she had a mental and physical breakdown. Then she left him.
I'm a believer in a stay at home wife taking care of the home, but you are renovating the home and that is a job in itself. I think hubby needs a little talking to.
Rennovating is a lot of work, especially if you're in the trenches as well. I think some missed that point or haven't rennovated before.
Hi Braunwyn,
General contracting for a single house is not a lot of work. As a Jute I was in the business. If she is doing some of the work, than yes, that is a job.
Please express your concerns to your husband, communicate, does your husband know your feelings on this. Just because your husband works, does not mean, he cannot lend a helping hand, I love it when couples pitch in to help each other out. My husband works, cooks marvelously, cleans, and i don't ask him to, is a plumber, electrician, contractor, home remodler, lays beautiful floor tile, paints like a pro, does it all, but i don't ask him to, i try to help him in any way that i can. Just because your husband works, does not get him off the hook, at home. Please talk to him.
My husband and I use to work full time until he lost his job, we had to move and then I had to quit my job. Since then, I have sacrificed getting a job and stayed home for the past year to renovate our entire home. I am the contractor.
My husband in the past couple of years has stopped doing EVERYTHING. What I mean by that, is he works and that's it. I do grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands of any kind, doctors appts, cleaning the cat box, as well as cleaning up after him. You name it, I do it. If he makes a sandwich, I clean it up. Get the picture?
I plan on heading back to work when the renovations are done.
So, since I have never been in a traditional role type relationship, is this normal?
When my husband worked and I stayed home, all he did was go to work and school, period. I did everything else including making sure his financial aid was processed and make up his school schedule every term. I didn't mind because the less he had to do the lower his stress level was and he had a very stressful job. I was better at keeping the house together and our lives organized so it worked for us. Now if he made a sandwich he would clean up after himself, and very rarely would he do any othe household chores. And to be honest after he surprised me by doing the laundry (including my dry clean only clothes ) I sort of forbade him from ever helping with household stuff again.
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) I sort of forbade him from ever helping with household stuff again. 
