Question for Guys - Rape (married, child, friends, personal)
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See, I don't understand this....logic (I use the word loosely). If you don't see signs of instability or questionable behavior in your friend or girlfriend who might have told you further into your relationship, why would you assume the worst in people whom you don't already know?
It's not really about potential emotional difficulties, Whyte Byrd. It's about seeing her as "damaged goods" on some, even if subconscious, level. It's a manifestation of the Madonna-sex- syndrome.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
It's not really about potential emotional difficulties, Whyte Byrd. It's about seeing her as "damaged goods" on some, even if subconscious, level. It's a manifestation of the Madonna-sex- syndrome.
Right, I added to my post to clarify that's what I was thinking. You're right.
See, I don't understand this....logic (I use the word loosely). If you don't see signs of instability or questionable behavior in your friend or girlfriend who might have told you further into your relationship, why would you assume the worst in people whom you don't already know?
I already know my friends or assuming it was a spouse or long term partner, I already know her. Revealing something that horrific would certainly surprise me and I'd feel a great deal of compassion for them.
I wouldn't assume the worst in someone I just met who shared that with me, but I would be keeping my eyes open for signs of emotional scars. That's only normal. It's unfortunate that some of us are conditioned to think that way, but like I said, it wouldn't prevent me from being that person's friend or getting involved in a relationship. I'd just be more careful early on, that's all.
It's not really about potential emotional difficulties, Whyte Byrd. It's about seeing her as "damaged goods" on some, even if subconscious, level. It's a manifestation of the Madonna-wh*ore syndrome.
That is definitely not the case for me. For some yes, but I would not look at a rape victim as damaged goods in sexual terms.
If you date long enough ,and enough women , you will be involved on some level with a woman who has been raped , The statistics are frightening, Two women who I dated in the past were raped and one had and attempted rape by gun point , and it came out pretty early in dating game. And I don't know how many just won't talk about it.
I suspect if a women really knows you can't deal with it, she won't tell you anyway ( on less its already on the "grapevine")
I don't quite see how this day would come, but even if it does, then it'll be discussed at that time. I don't consider a relationship a confession booth.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I don't quite see how this day would come, but even if it does, then it'll be discussed at that time. I don't consider a relationship a confession booth.
You know what, I agree with this. But I just had a thought that--I don't know--maybe contradicts what I thought I believed; that if you bring it up when you first meet someone, it's clear it's at the forefront of your mind? Nevertheless, should that necessarily be a red flag for someone else? I think some people spend entirely too much time looking for red flags. If they look hard enough, they'll find them.
Just about everyone's been through something traumatizing that could label them 'damaged goods' or cause signs of emotional or mental damage. Should we look at everyone as possible damaged goods?
You have to use discretion and your mileage may vary depending upon the situation.
Let's say you were interviewing babysitters for your children, and during the interview process he/she reveals that they were repeatedly raped and molested as a child. Would you still feel this was the ideal candidate to babysit your children? It doesn't make them a bad person, but you would have to wonder how that affected them and if this is the best person to leave your children with. Now if you knew this person for several years and they proved to be a good friend and never gave you reason to doubt them, you probably would be alright with them as a babysitter.
In life we judge people when we meet them, regardless of what anyone says. We use judgement to determine someone's character, compatility, credibility etc. It's a survival skill. That doesn't mean we "judge" them as a jury or God, but we do judge their decision making abilities, personal choices, and the way they choose to carry themselves to determine if they are compatible as friends or for dating.
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