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I still wouldn't have discussed it with you. And my opinion isn't merely academic. But I'm different than many people; I am not a believer of today's society in which dirty laundry is run up the local flag pole.
Hindsight being 20/20, perhaps some people do admit to things like for the attention, if that's what you're getting at. But I also wouldn't say that that's the norm, especially with something as traumatizing as this. A lot of people just need to talk about it.
Now I will say that I completely agree with you about everyone always wanting to know the dirty little secrets about this or that. According to the entertainment media, anyway.
If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
Yes, it would bother me. I've been in two relationships with women who were sexually abused early in their lives and they both had issues. Looking back, too much work to get involved with that sort of thing again.
If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
Wow.... definitely a post I NEVER thought I'd see ANYWHERE on the internet!!!
I am officially gobsmacked as they say in the British Isles!
Yes, it would bother me. I've been in two relationships with women who were sexually abused early in their lives and they both had issues. Looking back, too much work to get involved with that sort of thing again.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,012,452 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
I would never share that information with a date. Never. We'd have to be in a very serious relationship to discuss that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
I still wouldn't have discussed it with you. And my opinion isn't merely academic. But I'm different than many people; I am not a believer of today's society in which dirty laundry is run up the local flag pole.
Agreed on both counts. Although, I wouldn't consider being a rape victim dirty laundry, I do know what you're saying.
No, it wouldn't make me pull away from her. Both my wife and my late wife were molested as children, and both became beautiful, loving adults. They had issues and suffered from it, but I think dealing with it made them stronger women.
All depends on what stage of the relationship she revealed this to me. If we're already close then it wouldn't change anything. In the early stages of getting to know her I'd probably tread lightly and look for signs of emotional or mental damage. It's just human nature. Same as if I was making friends with a guy. If I have a life long friend who tells me he was molested as a kid or raped in prison he's still my friend just the same. If I just met a guy who I'm getting to know as a friend and he tells me he was gang raped in prison I have to think that it affected him in some way and I'd be looking for signs of instability or questionable behavior. Not proud of that answer but a person doesn't go through something like that without being affected in a dramatic and significant way. Not saying we wouldn't be friends or that I wouldn't date a woman who had been gang raped, but I'd be a bit more observant early on.
The question sort of sounds like a woman is damaged goods if she suffered the misfortune to have been raped which also seems to penalize her for a crime in which she was the victim. I'm not quite sure what the OP is really getting at. As far as I'm concerned it wouldn't be an issue for me at all and I would be interested in the qualities that might make us compatible as a couple as opposed to any crimes that had been committed against her in the past.
Like many often do, MG, you also talk about how things SHOULD be. However, that's not how they ARE! I have read some personal stories on this subject and yes, the victim was penalized one more time for her misfortune! In a way it's similar to the cases of couples losing a child or having a severely handicapped child. In theory the misfortune should bring the together; in practice a good 80% of them split (the number is from a recent article I read, not out of thin air).
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,012,452 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
All depends on what stage of the relationship she revealed this to me. If we're already close then it wouldn't change anything. In the early stages of getting to know her I'd probably tread lightly and look for signs of emotional or mental damage. It's just human nature. Same as if I was making friends with a guy. If I have a life long friend who tells me he was molested as a kid or raped in prison he's still my friend just the same. If I just met a guy who I'm getting to know as a friend and he tells me he was gang raped in prison I have to think that it affected him in some way and I'd be looking for signs of instability or questionable behavior. Not proud of that answer but a person doesn't go through something like that without being affected in a dramatic and significant way.
See, I don't understand this....logic (I use the word loosely). If you don't see signs of instability or questionable behavior in your friend or girlfriend who might have told you further into your relationship, why would you assume the worst in people whom you don't already know?
Just about everyone's been through something traumatizing that could label them 'damaged goods' or cause signs of emotional or mental damage. Should we look at everyone as possible damaged goods?
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