Question for Guys - Rape (wife, girlfriend, loving, children)
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If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
I dont know about changing my feelings immediately but I would have to wonder if it would somehow have a negative impact on the relationship down the line.
Plus what woman would tell her man this? It would easily fall under TMI. I mean the past is your past anything more than family and friend and career history, would be potentially damning to the relationship.
If it's someone I didn't know and was casually dating and she just dropped that bomb on me, most likely will see her as damaged goods and probably end up dropping her. Too many other opportunities out there without that kind of baggage. If she's absolutely sane and great in all other ways and it doesn't affect her mentally, emotionally, or sexually then I might be able to look past it. If she's frigid and brings it up more than the one time she notifies you about it and plays the sympathy card, nope, not playing that game.
Yeah that's on the money. Some people who have horrible life experiences tend to go thru life w/ a whoa way's me attitude, playing or feeling like they are the victim their entire lives, instead of getting help and trying your darn-est to move forward in life.
But that's easy for all of us to say, since we haven't had to walk a day in their shoes!
I actually dated a girl for a while who had been sexually molested by a family member when she was really young. I felt angry that someone would do something like that to her, and that she had to go through that more than anything else.
But I will say one thing, and I hope I don't get cast out for saying it. While I really liked her, and while she could lead a perfectly normal life, the incident did mess her up pretty good. She had trouble with relationships and other things. I knew another girl who was raped only a year or so before I met her in high school, and she was suicidal and had to go to counseling for it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that people who've undergone such tragedies need friends to be there for them, to talk about it, just to be there, etc. But knowing what I know now, I'm very hesitant to think that I would ever form a lasting relationship with a victim of sexual molestation, rape, whatever. There's just too much emotional baggage there. I hope I'm wrong though.
If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
It wouldnt matter to me and I dont think it would matter to most other men either.
Now, if she developed some issues that obviously affects the sex life then there would be some serious issue. But, if she did have some problems about it, we'd probably not get to the point of being in a relationship because I would not get in a relationship with any woman who has issues about sex.
Well we were also friends for a while before, and I think she was more open than most people on top of that.
I still wouldn't have discussed it with you. And my opinion isn't merely academic. But I'm different than many people; I am not a believer of today's society in which dirty laundry is run up the local flag pole.
She would get much more sympathy and forbearance from me. Knowing that someone one I cared about was hurt by worthless trash in the past does matter. Hopefully the event has not scarred emotionally the woman to the point where all men are suspect. If that is the case it might make a relationship difficult. But I would not blame the poor gal for that.
If you found out that the woman you are dating was gang raped when she was younger, would it change your feelings towards her. I know a lot of guys say it doesn't matter but deep down, I think it does matter to most men.
When most men say that it doesn't bother them, I believe them. But there are some men like me who it will bother.
I dated a women who was sexually abused as a child. There were subsequent effects in terms of her ability to express intimacy and just how she acted sexually with me. That relationship was just a lot of work and in many respects I came out of it feeling like I put in a lot more into it than I got out of it.
Before I dated her, I would have said and meant, that the fact that some women was raped wouldn't have any impact on my ability to date a person. I wasn't lying. I sincerely believed that. I wanted to be as virtuous as my ideals.
But I have to say now that I dated the girl was previously sexually abused that I probably would now have serious reservations about dating someone who was raped.
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