Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with this. It could have been worse, married him and he had an affair after. However, I don't see any signs of anti-social behavior (or asocial behavior even. Anti-social is violent toward society). I just see someone who's self-absorbed and not ready to marry from this post. Maybe previous posts suggest he has more going on, I don't know. So, OP, congrats you don't have to go through a divorce instead. I know that didn't make it any easier emotionally.
Sociopaths aren't always violent. Not only do they lie often, but they tend to avoid the truth such as TT's ex. They also have trouble respecting boundaries, accepting blame, and feeling remorse. There's an absence of conscience, and sometimes they may even fake remorse to just to manipulate someone even further. They are often substance abusers as well. Not sure if TT's ex is, but she stated he was out getting drunk with his friend the night before they met, which can mean absolutely nothing, but only she would know. Whether he is or isn't can be debated all day, but he definitely shows several signs of anti-social behavior.
I'm planning to send him an e-mail telling him that I don't want to stay in touch any more because it doesn't seem like he feels any remorse for what he did and I deserve better than that.
I guess this was more of a rant and venting than anything else. Feel free to comment if you like.
Why bother?
That he hasn't already apologized makes him not worth your time. There's no sense in wasting energy thinking he'll man up to it now. He's a coward. Scrape him off the bottom of your shoe and move on.
It was only one dinner, but an enlightening one at that. If he doesn't have the sense or inclination to apologize on his own, that's all you need to cut ties. Good for you.
He would apologize if he were actually sorry. He's just lonely and you were the best thing that ever happened to him he just sees that now. I would say THERE ARE NO DO-OVERS!!!!!! He DUMPED you for the NEXT BEST thing. Say goodbye and don't look back. Yet, in the matters of hearts, very little is actually very clear. Except for this: DITCH HIM FOR GOOD!!!!!
but that's not really how you feel right? you want a friendship with him, but want him to apologize so you can not feel like a sucker for continuing the friendship. Right?
You two were fine without each other for 3 years! You were actually better! You arent meant to be. He's trying to get you back for some reason and he does not deserve you! Even if he apologizes. Iknow thats probably nice to hear, but don't do it
Hmmm, I don't really know if friendship with him would even be possible at this point. He and I are most likely never going to live in the same city again so it would be an e-mail "friendship" at best, and even that will not happen until he "mans up" and apologizes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
Shame sometimes prevents people from saying the things they should so it doesn't always mean they aren't remorseful. But that doesn't excuse that he hasn't said it. Just the same, I like the idea of moving on. I hope he learned a valuable lesson here.
I do think he feels remorse for what he did, I really do believe that but for some reason he just can't say it. He seems to be the kind of guy who just hates to admit he was wrong about anything, even if it means hurting someone even more by not admitting it. Some sort of macho ego thing that I just can't relate to
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
The guy sounds like he's got a touch of anti-social personality disorder (sociopath). For a person to do what he did to you, they would have to be just that, sociopathic. He had no regard for your feelings, wasn't sorry for what he did, is selfish, immature, and lives what appears to be a very dishonest life surrounding himself with like minded people.
I don't think that fits him. He was certainly selfish and immature, but I've seen plenty of affairs take place in relationships/marriages and my ex is nowhere near alone in actions - he has plenty of company out there. All you have to do is read these boards. Is everyone who cheats and leaves for someone else a Sociopath? Probably not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
I just see someone who's self-absorbed and not ready to marry from this post. Maybe previous posts suggest he has more going on, I don't know. So, OP, congrats you don't have to go through a divorce instead. I know that didn't make it any easier emotionally.
Yeah, I'd say "self-absorbed" describes what he was three and a half years ago for sure. I'm not sure about now, but I think things may become clearer if he ever coughs up that apology.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
I just wanted to point out one thing. You are viewing the other woman negatively when she didn't do anything to you... he did. She may not have used him at all. Maybe six months into it, she realized that he is a jackass so she fled. How great of a marriage can one have with a man who damn near left his previous woman at the altar and doesn't even feel bad about it? There is something wrong with your ex, we know that for sure. The wife, well maybe she thinks YOU are the lucky one. And really, you are.
You betcha I view her negatively. Don't get me wrong, I place the majority of blame on him. However, the things I heard about her really made my skin crawl. He told her that he was engaged but wanted to be with her and SHE told him how he should go about breaking up with me. She is one manipulative little witch. btw, my ex was her FOURTH husband. Six months into it I find it hard to believe, knowing what I know about him, that she would have thought he was a jackass. I was with him for two years and it was only during the last week of the relationship that I had any problem with him at all. It may sound strange but he was my best friend, and a damn good boyfriend/fiance (up until the cheating thing started, that is )
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
They are often substance abusers as well. Not sure if TT's ex is, but she stated he was out getting drunk with his friend the night before they met, which can mean absolutely nothing, but only she would know.
No, he didn't drink much at all when we were together. He would occasionally go out with his buddies for a few beers (maybe 4 times in a year) and that's it. He hadn't seen our "Best Man" in a couple years (and he is more of a heavy drinker/partier) so they got drunk and apparently discussed me
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk J
Darlin', you deserve a man who loves you, respects & cherish you. Not this scum.
I'm planning to send him an e-mail telling him that I don't want to stay in touch any more because it doesn't seem like he feels any remorse for what he did and I deserve better than that.
I guess this was more of a rant and venting than anything else. Feel free to comment if you like.
You betcha I view her negatively. Don't get me wrong, I place the majority of blame on him. However, the things I heard about her really made my skin crawl. He told her that he was engaged but wanted to be with her and SHE told him how he should go about breaking up with me. She is one manipulative little witch. btw, my ex was her FOURTH husband. Six months into it I find it hard to believe, knowing what I know about him, that she would have thought he was a jackass. I was with him for two years and it was only during the last week of the relationship that I had any problem with him at all. It may sound strange but he was my best friend, and a damn good boyfriend/fiance (up until the cheating thing started, that is )
How do you know what he told her, and how do you know how she responded? Do you have a credible source, one who isn't a cheating skank and as such you can believe the person? Because in your story, he and she both fall short on that requirement.
Well, I just sent the e-mail to him. I probably should have waited because I'm super tired right now, and also sick so I'm probably not really clear headed. Oh well, what's done is done and I'm off to take some Nyquil and hit the sack.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So, OP, congrats you don't have to go through a divorce instead. I know that didn't make it any easier emotionally.
)
