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There is a flipside to this, U.S. -- that is that it's just as easy for women to invoke their period as an excuse to act out. So I think it's not in the interest of either gender to overemphasize it. Bottom line, although there are monthly hormonal changes associated with menstruation, their effect is VASTLY exaggerated in the popular imagination and basically boils down to the primordial bewilderment of how it's possible to bleed for several days -- at times, a lot -- and not die. Moreover, these hormonal changes take place over an entire month, so the belief that a woman's personality somehow changes for just a few days when she's bleeding doesn't make much sense. The most significant effects of menstruation are discomfort/pain and the obvious inconvenience. And yeah, that shortens my fuse a little, but no more so than if I have to go to work while sick with the flu -- which I do quite a bit, and which men are not immune to. It's only one of the many things that put people outside their comfort zone on a daily basis.
You have to understand why some women have a knee-jerk reaction to having their PMS brought up as a reason for their behavior -- and that reaction is certainly better than invoking PMS as a justification. It's too easy of an excuse, and it's condescending. If it's not one thing than it's another. Either a woman is on a red patch, or, if she appears too old, it must be the menopause. Either she's bitchy because she's getting too much male attention, or she's bitchy because she doesn't get it enough. Some of us are sick of being reflexively reduced to our raw biology and primitive animalistic impulses. Those kinds of attacks are employed against men, too, but it seems to me, not nearly as much as against women.
There is a flipside to this, U.S. -- that is that it's just as easy for women to invoke their period as an excuse to act out. So I think it's not in the interest of either gender to overemphasize it. Bottom line, although there are monthly hormonal changes associated with menstruation, their effect is VASTLY exaggerated in the popular imagination and basically boils down to the primordial bewilderment of how it's possible to bleed for several days -- at times, a lot -- and not die. Moreover, these hormonal changes take place over an entire month, so the belief that a woman's personality somehow changes for just a few days when she's bleeding doesn't make much sense. The most significant effects of menstruation are discomfort/pain and the obvious inconvenience. And yeah, that shortens my fuse a little, but no more so than if I have to go to work while sick with the flu -- which I do quite a bit, and which men are not immune to. It's only one of the many things that put people outside their comfort zone on a daily basis.
You have to understand why some women have a knee-jerk reaction to having their PMS brought up as a reason for their behavior -- and that reaction is certainly better than invoking PMS as a justification. It's too easy of an excuse, and it's condescending. If it's not one thing than it's another. Either a woman is on a red patch, or, if she appears too old, it must be the menopause. Either she's bitchy because she's getting too much male attention, or she's bitchy because she doesn't get it enough. Some of us are sick of being reflexively reduced to our raw biology and primitive animalistic impulses. Those kinds of attacks are employed against men, too, but it seems to me, not nearly as much as against women.
Did you just agree with me by furthering my own explanation, yet do so by explaining it to me?
bek if you yell scream and throw stuff, you are expressing yourself. if he raises his voice it is abuse. anything he says or does when you are upset can and will be used against him by the marital industrial complex
WTF is it with men and never wanting to deal with "drama"?
That is because men are drama free. Women have something engraved into their very being and nature that predisposes them to having/loving and having to always have some type of drama going on with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*
If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face.
One of the most important things women need to know is to never EVER EVER start a conversation or even a sentence with "We need to talk....." or "Can we talk about ..........." to any man. We instantly think "Oh Eff!!! Here we go again with this sh*t!". Just dont do it. If you have something to say, just say it. We will instantly think that you are nagging, complaining, being b*tchy, PMS'ing or something similar when we hear you say "We need to talk".
Im just throwing this out there - are you a complainer? A nagger? Negative? Sometimes, we guys just get to the point of just throwing our hands up and walking away (or ignoring you) if every time you open your mouth its about something negative or some drama you have going on with you.
There is a flipside to this, U.S. -- that is that it's just as easy for women to invoke their period as an excuse to act out. So I think it's not in the interest of either gender to overemphasize it. Bottom line, although there are monthly hormonal changes associated with menstruation, their effect is VASTLY exaggerated in the popular imagination and basically boils down to the primordial bewilderment of how it's possible to bleed for several days -- at times, a lot -- and not die. Moreover, these hormonal changes take place over an entire month, so the belief that a woman's personality somehow changes for just a few days when she's bleeding doesn't make much sense. The most significant effects of menstruation are discomfort/pain and the obvious inconvenience. And yeah, that shortens my fuse a little, but no more so than if I have to go to work while sick with the flu -- which I do quite a bit, and which men are not immune to. It's only one of the many things that put people outside their comfort zone on a daily basis.
You have to understand why some women have a knee-jerk reaction to having their PMS brought up as a reason for their behavior -- and that reaction is certainly better than invoking PMS as a justification. It's too easy of an excuse, and it's condescending. If it's not one thing than it's another. Either a woman is on a red patch, or, if she appears too old, it must be the menopause. Either she's bitchy because she's getting too much male attention, or she's bitchy because she doesn't get it enough. Some of us are sick of being reflexively reduced to our raw biology and primitive animalistic impulses. Those kinds of attacks are employed against men, too, but it seems to me, not nearly as much as against women.
Can't rep you at present. But yep.
However, my guy claims to have known when I was getting close to it by my grumpiness.
Gawd, I don't miss any of that. I will say that having zero hormones flowing through the ol' body does indeed produce a nice apathy. "Oh, you're acting like a jerk? Well, I have a good book I want to read tonight. Thank you, drive through."
That is because men are drama free. Women have something engraved into their very being and nature that predisposes them to having/loving and having to always have some type of drama going on with them.
I think this has some basis in truth...I think this is why young women by nature gravitate towards what people consider to be "bad boys", yet in their older wiser years they look for someone with less drama. .... Ive always thought that young women's relationship decisions are typically motivated by the natural predilection that women have for drama.
Honestly I'd do it right now if I could, it's the aftermath that worries me the most. I have to work up the courage, and yes I know it is taking me way too long but, crap.
It's taking you so long because you're overthinking it, ma'am. Don't worry about the aftermath, except as it concerns your financial readiness to live on your own. There are so many things you're going to be able to enjoy, and it seems to me that the biggest hurdle you're going to face is being overwhelmed with your freedom and not knowing what to do first.
Sometimes you have to be like Nike and just do it. Line up a new apartment, plan the logistics of your move, and then maybe even plan a trip, even if it's for a weekend away.
With all that has been going on, and all you've written, I'm guessing you're going to be far more relieved and far, far, far happier than you're anticipating. You'll find it in the little things: Eating soup for dinner, watching your shows or listening to your music whenever you want, buying something small and frivolous like a pretty purse because you can, sleeping diagonally across the bed. Trust me, Ms. Vanilla. You can do this.
One of the most important things women need to know is to never EVER EVER start a conversation or even a sentence with "We need to talk....." or "Can we talk about ..........." to any man. We instantly think "Oh Eff!!! Here we go again with this sh*t!". Just dont do it. If you have something to say, just say it. ...
Wisdom, Lao Fu!
I mentioned it other wheres, but a reminder about the use of words. Starting from a controlling type statement, "We need to talk", is likely to put anyone on guard. The first thought is who is this "we"? It comes across as the opening salvo in a to be following complaint monologue. The same problem exists to a lesser extent with the "Can we talk about...". That one implies that you are not really asking for permission to talk about something, you are demanding it.
So perhaps the situation is not Drama it is about counter attack? The person using these verbal ploys has decided to respond to a perceived hurt by attacking the person who had done it. People are hard wired for Survival so you should be careful about putting them on the defensive. Never corner a rat unless you wished to get bit.
One of the most important things women need to know is to never EVER EVER start a conversation or even a sentence with "We need to talk....." or "Can we talk about ..........." to any man. We instantly think "Oh Eff!!! Here we go again with this sh*t!". Just dont do it.
Soooooo when I finally give my man the big talk, how should I handle it, then? Say "It's over, I'm leaving, will be back to pick up my stuff, bye"? I can't do that. We've spent 9 years with each other, been living together and sleeping in the same bed together for 7. This isn't just some 3 month fling. I feel like after such a long time, even though I know it's not working, I owe him more than that. I'd want it if someone was breaking up with me after so long, wouldn't you?
Just blurting out "I want to break up" has been on the tip of my tongue soooooooooooooo many times, but he always seems to look over at me and smile or something sweet right at that moment and I shut my mouth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne
It's taking you so long because you're overthinking it, ma'am.
Boy oh boy, am I ever.
I guess it's because he's not just some disposable person to me, even though I have accepted the fact that this isn't the relationship for me, he's someone who I do still care very much for and probably always will.
Last edited by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*; 05-27-2010 at 06:34 PM..
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