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I dont know about guys, but the guy will tell a girl that it is okay, and usually being the master theologian that he is (he may even have a GED), what can a girl do?
You can say the same thing about death. But that doesn't mean it's good. In fact, show me a non-selfish reason why sex outside of marriage is a good thing. Seriously. Please show me how sex outside of marriage is good for society. Does it help marriage? I dont THINK so! With divorce rates going up, Up, UP since the sexual revolution, you'd be hard pressed to say practicing before marriage helps the marriage.
You can't find any positive effect that premarital sex has for the general population, save the selfish act itself. Fact is, it's entirely an act of self-gratification. One that involves two self-involved individuals who are both mutually using each other for self-gratification. The act does nothing for anyone else.
But it can AND DOES affect the rest of the world. This casual permissive attitude towards sex (EVEN WITH CONTRACEPTION*) causes MILLIONS of unexpected pregnancies each year IN THE US ALONE!!!! And YOU BECHA that this affects EVERYONE!!! Have you not noticed gangs and crime going up? The epidemic of kids raised to single mothers? These aren't disconnected events. And if our society treated sex with more respect, it wouldn't be so bad.
Sex IS good. But only within the healthy stable confines of marriage, where the couple is better prepared for the likely event of pregnancy.
*43,000,000 women are said to be engaging in regular sex. 38,000,000 are said to be using some form of contraceptive. Of those 38,000,000 women who do use contraception, they collectively engage in so much sex that almost 2 and a half million of them will become pregnant within a year.
That is 6.55% or 1 out of every 15 women. And that includes sterilization, which is largely used by married couples. If we just look at condom use or the pill, the numbers get SIGNIFICANTLY worse! The pill raises the chances of getting pregnant to 1 in 12. The condom is 1 in 6!!!!
No WONDER girls are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. It's not education! 89% of them are USING contraception! But millions STILL get pregnant! JUST in the US!!
Actually, you are mistaken. Statistically speaking, the parts of the United States where people marry later and do not have religious issues with sex outside of marriage (mostly the coasts and urban areas) have the lowest divorce rates and teen pregnancy rates.
Even anecdotally speaking, all the people I know who married young just so they could justify having sex ended up in either miserable marriages or divorce. I'm sure there are some for whom it has worked fine, but socially speaking it's not a wise policy encourage waiting until marriage for sex.
I dont know about guys, but the guy will tell a girl that it is okay, and usually being the master theologian that he is (he may even have a GED), what can a girl do?
There's a sexism in this post rooted in some idea that women are just vulnerable flowers waiting to be deceived by men. The reality is that women are often the initiators.
Isn't all sex for pleasure? Even after you get married - it's still for pleasure... right? I mean - even when my husband and I were trying to get pregnant - it was still pleasurable.
Yes, but if you get pregnant, then you are better prepared to care for the child. And since family is the cornerstone of society, sex within the confines if marriage is BENEFICIAL to society. You can't say the same thing about sex outside of marriage.
And finally, these days, if you don't want to get pregnant, and you are married, you are more likely to be willing to get the ultimate form of contraception, sterilization.
Actually, you are mistaken. Statistically speaking, the parts of the United States where people marry later and do not have religious issues with sex outside of marriage (mostly the coasts and urban areas) have the lowest divorce rates and teen pregnancy rates.
Haha. Very clever looking at the regions instead of the individuals. You're going to have to do better than that.
Here. Why don't you take a look at data that's a bit more direct and relevant.
http://www.ampartnership.org/resourcecenter/news/134-divorce-and-premarital-sex.html (broken link)
Although it's admittedly a religious site, it uses secular scientific studies to back up its claims.
Seems there is a secular reason to obey religious rules.
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Even anecdotally speaking, all the people I know who married young just so they could justify having sex ended up in either miserable marriages or divorce. I'm sure there are some for whom it has worked fine, but socially speaking it's not a wise policy encourage waiting until marriage for sex.
Please don't take my posts out of context. Those kids got married for the wrong reason. And they didn't thoroughly investigate each other before they took the plunge. I said if you do your homework, you don't need sex to determine if your BF/GF is suitable for you. They didn't do their homework. THAT is why their marriages failed, not that they didn't have sex before marriage.
Here is one the MOST dangerous verses in the Bible that has been used for centuries by the church to corner people into marriages at VERY young ages just to get to sex (biblically speaking) which many regret later on when they realize the marriage is more than just sex:
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Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I Corinthians 7:8-9
Name one sexually HEALTHY male or female who at 16, 18, 23 does not 'burn with passion' from time to time? Now, the writer does not say it is a sin to burn with passion, but some Christians will use other passages to point out that 'burn' is lust and that lusting is sinful. The suggestion here then is that in order to quench the burning, go get married and whet the appetite.
Being a former Christian myself who started out in church at age 14 and say MANY of my peers leap off into marriage as soon as they were eligible, I can tell you that the overwhelming majority of them, 20 years later, now in their late 30s and 40s are some miserable people. Before I left the church a decade or so ago, I remember some couples not sitting with each other in church, others clearly not intimate or affectionate with each other. I recall about 4 affairs and remember seeing one "brother" entering a city motel with a woman who was not his wife. Some couples moved to other churches where divorce was permitted and in the long run divorced without the guilt.
In Christianity, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex as some have stated in this thread. To do so before is considered sinful and as some have also suggested, not sensible. Well, it's not everyone who will marry at 18 or 21 or even 45 and some of those people will crave sex until they turn purple on a regular basis. What are they to do? How are they to cope with suppressing what nature has deemed natural and will NOT stop pressing until they are dead? The idea that folks MUST wait until marriage for sex is rarely sensible. That being said, if they do, they must either be taught or come to realize on their own that they are to be responsible and that as with EVERYONE, in or out of marriage, there are risks of heartbreak or an unwanted pregnancy EVEN in a marriage that might be a marriage on paper but completely devoid of love and care. While marriage MAY help is some cases. it can sometimes be a detriment to an already bad situation.
At 18 years old, the chances of getting married to this girl and spending the rest of your life with her aren't good. I'm not saying it's impossible for things to work out, but the odds are against you.
Why in the world would you want to remain a virgin until marriage? I hope you don't plan on waiting until you're in your mid 30s to get married, if this is the case. Plenty of people have sex before marriage without any dire consequences, despite all the nonsense you hear to the contrary.
I don't know one person whose lives have been ruined because they, heaven forbid, decided to have sex with their partner before marriage. Unless you're acting purely on instinct and not using your brain at all, it's never a good idea to suppress your natural urges.
I know quite a few people, presumably virgins, who've gotten married too young and ended up regretting it. Those relationships almost never last, and there is often kids involved. You don't hear a lot of the "sex before marrige is bad" fanatics making a lot of noise over that.
I don't see what the hold up is, besides her being under 18 and you being 23. You should consider yourself lucky.
At 18 years old, the chances of getting married to this girl and spending the rest of your life with her aren't good. I'm not saying it's impossible for things to work out, but the odds are against you.
You shouldn't PLAN to break up either. And if you do go into the relationship thinking it's going to succeed into marriage, and it doesn't, will you be okay losing your virginity to this girl who you did NOT marry?
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Why in the world would you want to remain a virgin until marriage? I hope you don't plan on waiting until you're in your mid 30s to get married, if this is the case.
You wait until marriage for all of the good reasons I and other people have listed.
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Plenty of people have sex before marriage without any dire consequences, despite all the nonsense you hear to the contrary.
Please. 2.5 million pregnancies each year to women who thought they were safe. Riiiight. No dire consequences.
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I don't know one person whose lives have been ruined because they, heaven forbid, decided to have sex with their partner before marriage.
Absense of evidence is not evidence of absence. Cheese. You DO know that there is a teen pregnancy problem right? Just because you don't know them, they don't exist? Come on. You can do better than that.
Actually, you can't because the ONLY logical reason to have sex before marriage is that it feels good.
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Unless you're acting purely on instinct and not using your brain at all, it's never a good idea to suppress your natural urges.
Riiight. So indulging in your natural urges to punch someone in the face, gorging yourself all the time, running that red light... it's never a good idea to suppress those urges.
The amazing thing about us, the thing that separates us from the animals, is our conquering of our urges. There's this notion today that the permissiveness permeating society today allows us the FREEDOM to do whatever it is we want. But this is completely BACKWARDS!! Slavery to your urges isn't freedom. Having the strength to control your urges and to practice restraint, THAT gives you REAL freedom!
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I know quite a few people, presumably virgins, who've gotten married too young and ended up regretting it.Those relationships almost never last, and there is often kids involved.
How many times do I have to say this?? If they'd had sex before marriage would their marriages still be intact? OF COURSE NOT!! They got married too young. THAT is why they divorced, not the fact that they waited until marriage to have sex.
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You don't hear a lot of the "sex before marrige is bad" fanatics making a lot of noise over that.
YOU don't. Because you are deaf to it. Fact is though we DO tell kids to wait, take your time, don't jump in before you are ready at the same time we tell them not to have sex before marriage.
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I don't see what the hold up is, besides her being under 18 and you being 23. You should consider yourself lucky.
Riiight. So indulging in your natural urges to punch someone in the face, gorging yourself all the time, running that red light... it's never a good idea to suppress those urges.
Oh please.....I was expecting anyone who reads these forums to have enough sense not to make such stupid comparisons.
Anything you can name would fall under the "also using your brain" part that I already mentioned. I did not say people should mindlessly follow their instincts. Apparently I need to repeat myself here.
How about you try looking at the whole picture instead of just the part that validates your beliefs.
For every horror story you can come up with about the evils of people having sex before marriage, there's 10 times as many people that engage in premarital sex and, guess what, nothing bad comes of it. But we'll just ignore that, won't we? It doesn't help make your point. Just keep looking at half the picture.
Using that logic and reasoning, I could argue that a great many people in this county have no business ever getting married....period.
Much like premarital sex, I can give you examples of how bad things can come from marriages (almost half) and end in complete disaster. Just playing by your own rule book here, perhaps we need to be avoiding them instead of sex. Just look at all the potential harm they can cause!
Yes that's stupid and silly, but no more silly than your reasoning as to why people shouldn't have sex outside of wedlock.
Okay, I am 23 years old(and a male by the way) and I have this girl as a friends who is 17 years old who I've known since January of this year(2011). I also met her parents a month later which they say that it's alright for us to remain friends until she(the girl who I'm friends with now) turns 18(which is next month in May) which will be okay for us to be a couple. Anyway, sometimes when I'm with her she is sometimes hypersexual(but not in a crazy way though) and she tries to get me to have sex with her, however most of the time I refrain from doing it with her because not only because of her age but....I want to remain a Virgin until marriage.And I also don't want to treat her like she's worthless by just using her for sex because I do respect her and take her seriously as a person and not treat her like she's nothing. She says that after she turns 18 this May on the 5th that she really wants to do it with me. Now I do want to do it with her but I would like to remain a Virgin until marriage but I think that since I've been putting her off so many times that she will go do it with someone else. I myself want to give her the best experiance and all along with me wanting to experiance sex but it's like that I have to compromise because since we're not married I don't want to lose my virginity before marriage, I don't drink nor smoke and have been that way since birth which I'm thankful for but my virginity is what makes me more rare besides those things.
Okay, I haven't read any of the answers you've gotten so far, but I can pretty much bet they're going to tell you that you're crazy not to hop into bed with this girl. My perspective is going to be different: I say, "Good for you." I wish my daughter's ex-husband had been more like you.
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, however most of the time I refrain from doing it with her because not only because of her age but....I want to remain a Virgin until marriage.And I also don't want to treat her like she's worthless by just using her for sex because I do respect her and take her seriously as a person and not treat her like she's nothing. She says that after she turns 18 this May on the 5th that she really wants to do it with me. Now I do want to do it with her but I would like to remain a Virgin until marriage but I think that since I've been putting her off so many times that she will go do it with someone else
. I myself want to give her the best experiance and all along with me wanting to experiance sex but it's like that I have to compromise because since we're not married I don't want to lose my virginity before marriage, I don't drink nor smoke and have been that way since birth which I'm thankful for but my virginity is what makes me more rare besides those things.
