Being A Homebody: Okay or Pathological?

[Osito]

Perfectly okay.

[Escort Rider]

Originally Posted by Umbria

Well, do you?

Originally Posted by boogie'smom

one of the consequences of excessively long car rides

LOL. Well no I don't. I hope that satisfies your curiosity.

[Escort Rider]

Originally Posted by boogie'smom

"We aren't hermits. We go out every day to the gym, which we love. We socialize numerous times each week. "

This is a quote from the original post.

I don't understand bringing the words recluse and isolation into this conversation. It started as a question about whether or not others liked to travel after they retired or if they were "homebodies", and if they would rather not travel, did this mean that there was something wrong with them, as a specific person who had invited the op to stay for a few days appeared to imply.

I don't think many would advocate for being an isolated, vegetating recluse. I don't think anyone has. I do admit to like sleeping in my own bed.

It's a rare thread that doesn't have some natural drift in the topic. If threads were strictly controlled for adherence to the topic in the narrowest possible sense, about three-quarters of the material in most threads would be disallowed.

[Minervah]

Originally Posted by katie45

The subject of being a homebody is entirely relative:

1) If you like your lifestyle and are comfortable with it. . . continue on with it and enjoy!

2) If you don't like your lifestyle and feel the need to be more active. . . then go for it.

The only thing I find irritating is when anyone thinks its their duty in life is to tell others how to live 'their' lives, because in the final analysis, it's no one else's business. On the opposite side of the fence, perhaps people could come to the conclusion that anyone who is constantly on the go has emotional problems because they are unable to spend time with themselves. Neither side makes any sense.

There are some who thoroughly enjoy being a homebody, but end up thinking they must invent reasons for their choice. There are no reasons to invent, because again, it's no one else's business.

I have no idea how, why, or when the debate regarding lifestyles came about. Maybe it was something said in the media about a serial killer being a loner and too many made the decision that if you're not socially active, or on the go most of the day, there must be something wrong with you. Baloney!

Being content with who we are is priceless.

I agree. You bring up some good points which are germane to the OP's question. Although some here might have a problem understanding your comments because these people are so linear and rigid in their thinking they cannot deviate even the slightest from a single concept.

Your last observation about serial killers I find especially interesting. Society does tend to look down upon the person who prefers his or her own company to being with others, yet how many times have we heard neighbors talk about a criminal who has performed some horrific crime who was friendly and threw parties for kids and met with Presidents like John Wayne Gacy or some football coach who was everyone's pal but molested team members?

It is possible that people are not afraid to be alone but are afraid of being seen being alone. Maybe that's why the OP used such a strong word like "pathological" which, to my mind, was highly inappropriate to describe people who just enjoyed staying home rather than spending time away from home.

[staywarm2]

Originally Posted by Umbria

The marketing is very different from what I have seen when visiting these places. When I was considering FL I went to the "hot" spot in Bonita Springs and the place was totally deserted. This was late Nov so the snowbirds should have been there but nobody was outside, at least they weren't out and about in the community.

Then I visited a popular spot in Leland, NC- twice on 2 different days and each time I saw 1 guy walking his dog. It looked spooky. There are things to do there but I believe people stay inside their homes and - gasp - sit on the computer <naughty>. Maybe they all sit inside and play cards. I'm sure there are events where the people all come out but this is not the normal day to day thing.

I need energy around me - not all the time - but I would shrivel up and die in a place like that. I need a location with personality and I just don't think you find that in many of these "active adult" places. I have retired couples on each side of me and you never see them outside. I get away to one of the city lakes, just about 1 mile away, and there is life - people - activity.

I must remember this when I start seriously looking for my next home.

We have noticed this also--no one outside, not only in active adult communities but also in many family neighborhoods, like the one we recently moved from. While we lived there, we often commented to each other about how we never saw anyone, even though there were 220 homes, lots of kids, and a pool and tennis courts.

I think now many adults are inside on the computer and kids are inside playing video games. We have often driven through the 3 active adult communities near us and rarely see anyone. I know there are many activities scheduled in these places, so I guess residents attend these and then go home. Also, consider the time of day you are checking out these 55+. I have often toured in the middle of the day and seen no one. Possible older people are taking a rest or a nap in the afternoon and are then dancing the night away!!

Another thing to consider is that many folks stay out of the sun now due to worries about skin cancer. So maybe we shouldn't "judge a book by its cover!"

[DaveWA]

Originally Posted by old_cold

Perhaps you would just center on your conception of 'meaningful'.
That might be where a big difference of opinion arises.

O Coming late to this thread, but Cold's query struck a chord. Looking around friends and family, I see many who need some role that adds to society to provide meaning and through that, satisfaction in their life.
Others don't need that, but seem quite happy if their social networks are active and fill their time. This can be just their immediate family.
The ones who struggle seem to have neither - no role and little social engagement. Not surprisingly, this seems more common with older singles.
Another dimension is age/health. What works whilst we are young and/or healthy retirees may prove insufficient when health issues intercede.

In reply to the original poster, my siblings and I are like Goldilocks three bears. Little sister came back from her first holiday in 12 years declaring it a waste of time and $s. Older Sis and husband are off to Iceland & UK spending the last of retirement savings before settling down to a limited SS retirement. Wife and I are in the middle, like 1 or 2 trips a year, but really enjoy getting home. Each to their own.