Can Our Grown Children Become Our Worst Enemies?

[Lodestar 77]

Originally Posted by fundamentallyspeaking

If you are worried about your kids, I'd get to know a worker at your local Area on Aging. That's a PA State agency that provides services to the elderly. But I'm sure every state has its equivalent. If the worker knows you are competent, they will advocate for you when needed. My mother is out of her mind from drug use in the 70's but I take care of her. I volunteered to go through the Area on Aging for help, because I want to do the right thing. They helped me find a senior center so I can work during the day without worrying about her. They also recommend adult daycare facilities, but those are more for lower functioning or physically incapacitated. Anyway, if you are fully functioning, I would call them myself. As to having someone take care of your money, I would do it myself for as long as possible. As a therapist, I had to work with a woman who worked with someone who was supposed to take care of the money and she ended up taking the woman's car. I told my client how important it was to report the woman and she did.
In Pennsylvania they also have payees. Agencies like Service Access & Management or Meca are fiduciaries who pay your bills for you, put some in savings and then give you the rest. There is a monthly fee though of about $20. Many of my clients with mental issues used this service, but this would be a great idea if you questions the motives of children as well. Besides this, they can help you set aside money for funeral expenses. We only go through a fiduciary for the Veteran's money as they owed my mom a lump sum of back money and this set my mind at ease. I just call and tell them what my mom needs the money for and they yah or nay the request. They only refused to pay for her husband's funeral to date. And the rationale was that she is living and needs the money herself. Which makes sense.
Anyway, it's also important to set the terms out at the get go, if you have to go through a relative. For example, my mother gets Social Security and Veterans' which go for the bills, groceries and entertainment, but she also gets an inheritance and that is 100% hers to spend on whatever she wants. If ever she runs out of the that money during the month though, I supplement her anyway from my own money or from Social Security money, as she is elderly and should have fun.
The rules can be changed if you both consent and if it is in your best interest. For example, eating out used to come out of her inheritance money, but I started to take it out of the SS, Veteran's but usually my money instead as it took up too much of her fun money. Now she is able to save money even.
But as I said, if for any reason you suspect that your money won't go for you, I'd contact both the Area no Aging for help with getting set up with a fiduciary. It would also be helpful to contact an attorney for a will so that your things are not sold or discarded. A living will would also be helpful so that your health wishes are also followed while you are still of sound mind to choose.
My dad raised me well, but if it were me and my kids (they are selfish teens now), I'd go through a fiduciary. But who knows how they will turn out as adults.

This much information needs to be written in paragraphs. It was so difficult to read/follow that I didn't. Just a tip since you are new to this forum.