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A few years ago in a very respected newspaper (can't remember which one but one of the big ones like Washington Post, NY Times, LA Times) about horror stories of conservatorships by what appeared to be random strangers who took over elderly assets and drained them dry so what these children mentioned by the OP could be doing is similar to the article. So while some say this can't happen, I was astounded to read what "professional conservators" can do to elderly people not related to them, so it's quite possible kids can even easier do the same thing to their parents.
Sure. I buy that.
But that has to be set up.
It can't be "out of nowhere."
Unless we're talking about identity theft.
If there was a crime involved in the op's story, why hasn't anyone been prosecuted?
Maybe a will stating that if children put a parent into a home without their consent they will get nothing and let the children know that is in the will might help this not happen.
That wouldn't influence me in the slightest. If my parents ever need care that can only be provided in a nursing home setting, they are going to get it - and if they are mentally incompetent, they will get it whether or not they object. If that means forfeiting an inheritance, so be it. Their well being is more important than mere money.
A few years ago in a very respected newspaper (can't remember which one but one of the big ones like Washington Post, NY Times, LA Times) about horror stories of conservatorships by what appeared to be random strangers who took over elderly assets and drained them dry so what these children mentioned by the OP could be doing is similar to the article. So while some say this can't happen, I was astounded to read what "professional conservators" can do to elderly people not related to them, so it's quite possible kids can even easier do the same thing to their parents.
I recall reading that. It wasn't "random strangers." The professional conservators were appointed by the court, AFTER the person was declared incompetent, to handle their financial affairs. The assets were drained by their fees and sometimes misuse of funds, for example, buying things the elders didn't really need.
But again, I repeat, they were appointed by the court.
So, sure, kids could theoretically do the same thing if they are appointed conservators or if they have POA. But incompetent elders with dementia also falsely accuse their children. I was accused of all kinds of things when all I was trying to do was keep my parents safe and their money safe from them and for them so it would last as long as they needed.
I suppose it depends on state law but my experience is that the only way this can happen is to go before the probate judge with a medical assessment that the person is incompetent and grant legal guardianship. Power of Attorney doesn't mean you can dump a parent in a nursing home and sell their house over their objections.
A lot of people are extremely skilled at masking their dementia problems. The brighter you are, the better you are at looking normal to the outside world even if you're quite impaired. I started accompanying my mother to her routine office visits with her physician about 14 months ago. She had severe short term memory loss but was otherwise fully functional. He didn't pick up on the severity of the problem until she experienced back pain last fall and was calling his office daily forgetting that she had called the previous day. At that office visit, he took me aside and said she had a big problem. Well, duh. That is why I was here in June. When she could stick to her routine, you'd have no clue she had problems until she started looping on conversations after 10 minutes. A physician office visit doesn't last long enough to have that happen.
Something doesn't add up with the above stories. I have been a Family Physician practicing since 1987 and have been involved in cases where people REALLY needed to be in a nursing home and the hoops the family (and I) had to jump through were numerous. I find it hard to believe a mentally competent person would wind up in a nursing home against their wishes. And YES, be very careful who you assign as your power of attorney!!!
Any chance your friends are a little demented and that's why they are sticking to their story?
.
Or possibly too embarrassed to admit to you they had signed something previously, having foolishly trusted their children.
My sister in law was a pretty sneaky low life that would do those kind of things to her mother. Get her to sign things that she really shouldn't have signed.
Moral to the story---be kind and fair to your kids, they will decide/manipulate your later years.
Or possibly too embarrassed to admit to you they had signed something previously, having foolishly trusted their children.
This is always possible. I admitted that there could be things that they just didn't tell me.
Look, I know many, many such people...widows, widowers, couples...all elderly, as I do pro-bono snow plowing for seniors in the area. I usually get to know them quite well. I do not usually get to know their children well, if at all. Their children don't usually live in the same state (maybe this is related? I don't know).
But in dealing with these folks over a series of years (and the wife and I have helped them out all year long, in other ways), I would think we'd have noticed if they'd been demented. Maybe not. Most of them have very supportive, caring children. But my wife and I were just discussing these 2 families and how things ended up, and were wondering why. It seemed awfully strange; they were fine one day and gone the next.
For whoever asked, both events were preceded by minor surgery that left the parent(s) in a condition where for a couple weeks, at least, they would not just be able to walk out of the facility. There was some convalescence needed. But it dragged on and on seemingly forever, until it dawned on the elder that they were never going to leave. We visited them. Their children visited them, even the ones blamed for having set up the situation. In the end, they had nowhere else to go. Home, it seems, had gone away also.
Did you live next door to my Mom? She lived alone in a two story house and looked and acted very competent, up to a point. But, although she sometimes had her wits about her, she still needed alot of help at home and full time nursing wasn't feasible due to cost. As POA, I tried to maintain her in her house for as long as possible. But as the only "child", I was told by social services that she needed "placement." Yes, I had to tell her some partial truths to get her to leave the home. By law, I didn't have a choice. She was 100, I was in another state, and there were no other relatives. Yes, I sold her house after she left. She went to an ALF in MY STATE. So, was I the nasty daughter who did this to her??
You don't have all the facts and because you don't know the children of these people, you need to realize this was probably the only solution.. I am sure there were other related facts that you are not aware of.
Did you live next door to my Mom? She lived alone in a two story house and looked and acted very competent, up to a point. But, although she sometimes had her wits about her, she still needed alot of help at home and full time nursing wasn't feasible due to cost. As POA, I tried to maintain her in her house for as long as possible. But as the only "child", I was told by social services that she needed "placement." Yes, I had to tell her some partial truths to get her to leave the home. By law, I didn't have a choice. She was 100, I was in another state, and there were no other relatives. Yes, I sold her house after she left. She went to an ALF in MY STATE. So, was I the nasty daughter who did this to her??
You don't have all the facts and because you don't know the children of these people, you need to realize this was probably the only solution.. I am sure there were other related facts that you are not aware of.
PhxBarb: What you did for your mother was an act of love. And it takes so much courage to do the "deed". It's sad to think we may all reach this stage in life. I only hope someone would be as good to me as you were to your mother.
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