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First, this is not a recent event since the OP states that one man lived in the nursing home for 10 years. Laws have changed.
I agree that we do not have all of the information . The OP does not claim to have all the information.
My neighbor across the street was removed from her home, deemed incompetent, and died in a nursing home. Her family now live in her house. We moved here about the same time. She bought a house and came to be close to her daughter. It was a disappointment.
In the year before she went away she would come over very upset whenever her daughter took her to the doctor. This was a new doctor, one who didn't know her. Before that, she drove herself to the doctor. She had "heart trouble".
Anyway, she would come over crying and tell me that "they" said she had Altzheimer's. I said to her, you live by yourself, you drive, you keep your house neat as a pin, you are always appropriately dressed, etc. You know you have heart trouble. So she would perk up and go home and life would go on.
She was depressed about moving away from friends and family and she was lonesome. She wanted to be with her children and they also got on her nerves. They didn't mind leaving their small children with her when they wanted a sitter.
She went into the hospital, was not cooperative, went to a nursing home and died. That's not all of the story but that's all I know. Her children and grandchildren now live in her house and drive her new car. It's buzzing over there. Why didn't they visit before.
We hear many stories about people who cannot help or get help for aging, incompetent parents. I don't think people who manage to get things done by any means are as anxious to share their experiences.
I don't doubt that there are ways around all of the barriers you all throw up to the situation being as the OP describes it. It is part of a story but the end is the same. In some places, some people can do things that are not meant to be done.
boogie'smom
Last edited by newcomputer; 08-13-2015 at 01:37 PM..
Reason: forgot to sign it
I am sure there is more to story than that has without right of attorney they could not sell anything. Just as they can not be held in any facility without a court hearing.
That would be my guess. I remember my dear grandmother, who lived with her youngest daughter in the five years before she passed. She was very willful and did not want to sign any powers of attorney, medical or financial, which my aunt (who was supplying Grandma with free care, room, and board) felt she needed. She finally took Grandma to an eldercare physician who gave her tests and who must have essentially declared Grandma incompetent because my aunt got her POAs after that. But to the day she died Grandma told people she had not signed over any of her rights to her children. My mother and I would never have known about the doctor's visit except that my aunt told us. Grandma had her pride and if she had to lie to feel it was intact, she did.
That would be my guess. I remember my dear grandmother, who lived with her youngest daughter in the five years before she passed. She was very willful and did not want to sign any powers of attorney, medical or financial, which my aunt (who was supplying Grandma with free care, room, and board) felt she needed. She finally took Grandma to an eldercare physician who gave her tests and who must have essentially declared Grandma incompetent because my aunt got her POAs after that. But to the day she died Grandma told people she had not signed over any of her rights to her children. My mother and I would never have known about the doctor's visit except that my aunt told us. Grandma had her pride and if she had to lie to feel it was intact, she did.
I am not saying anything was done wrong here, but I have a question: If you are declared incompetent, do you have to sign papers giving POA? Isn't that the point of having someone declared incompetent? Maybe Grandma didn't know that she was no longer in control of her own affairs.
I had a patient a couple weeks ago who seemed totally normal and with it.
I was confused why she was there until someone mentioned this lady and then she completely lost her s*** and started a nutty tirade about how that woman was having an affair with her husband's ghost and would dress up like a couch to spy on her.
Be careful... lots of people out on a good show of being normal.
I recall reading that. It wasn't "random strangers." The professional conservators were appointed by the court, AFTER the person was declared incompetent, to handle their financial affairs. The assets were drained by their fees and sometimes misuse of funds, for example, buying things the elders didn't really need.
But again, I repeat, they were appointed by the court.
So, sure, kids could theoretically do the same thing if they are appointed conservators or if they have POA. But incompetent elders with dementia also falsely accuse their children. I was accused of all kinds of things when all I was trying to do was keep my parents safe and their money safe from them and for them so it would last as long as they needed.
Beware paranoia. It's ugly.
The "professional conservator" racket is alive and well in corrupt states, such as CT.
This is a different instance, where probate court judges routinely apportion probate cases to their
buddies, who strip the estate (and split the proceeds with said judges) over a period of several years.
The "professional conservator" racket is alive and well in corrupt states, such as CT.
This is a different instance, where probate court judges routinely apportion probate cases to their
buddies, who strip the estate (and split the proceeds with said judges) over a period of several years.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO DIE IN CONNECTICUT!!!
BINGO!
I knew it had something to do with the state it was in!
Be aware that nursing homes themselves can claim legal guardianship over a patient, and get access to the elder's funds. This is just now coming to light in the news.
I am not saying anything was done wrong here, but I have a question: If you are declared incompetent, do you have to sign papers giving POA? Isn't that the point of having someone declared incompetent? Maybe Grandma didn't know that she was no longer in control of her own affairs.
I don't think my aunt was trying to hide it because she was open with her siblings about it. She would have assumed at any time they might have discussed it with Grandma. And Grandma wasn't so far gone she wouldn't have known why she was at the doctor. As it turned out, the POAs were irrelevant. Grandma died about a year later in her favorite chair with the day's mail in her lap. My uncle found her when he came home from work and he thought she was sleeping. She had a long-standing will, so there was no funny business in terms of her modest estate. Obviously she was luckier than some.
I wish the OP would ask his friends how their families were so easily able to send to their parents to the nursing home/senior community without their knowledge. Then come please back and report to us exactly how it was done.
My eighty year old friend who lives in Portland has to constantly fly back to California where her 92 year old sister lives because her sister suffers from some kind of dementia and gets to the point where she can't really take care of herself. There is a social worker who tries to help her but the sister is stubborn and fights her. So my friend has to take the trip to California to calm her sister down and try to persuade her to do what she is supposed to do.
They have been trying to persuade the sister in California for a couple of years now to go into an assisted care facility but she refuses. She is in an apartment where the social and health care worker looks in on her but she should be in a safer environment. Still, no one can force her to move. My friend can't do anything without her consent. She certainly cannot just drop her off at a facility and tell her that's where she will live. So my neighbor has to shuttle back and forth to California when things get particularly bad.
There just has to be more to this story.
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