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We are not retired yet but I know what you mean. My husband does not want to do anything at all ever. He is perfectly content to go to work and come home and never leave the house. When he comes home, he watches movie after movie after movie. Drives me bonkers. I know when he retires I will go crazy. I volunteer one day a week, lunch with a friend another day, play trivia at a nearby bar one night a week and bar bingo another night, all without him. I recently started working at a job part time to get me out of the house. For a long time I was very angry that he did not want to do anything but I have come to accept it and realize that he is doing exactly as his parents did. When he is retired, I will make sure I have something to do for a couple of hours every day to keep from going crazy watching him do nothing.
We have an old man in our house that watches tv for 12 hours a day. First thing upon wake, last thing before bed. Nobody will say it but we're all just waiting for him to croak.
I moved down to Florida and she stayed back in Ohio to take care of her elderly parents. She flies down every couple months so we never really get tired of each other.
My husband is addicted to blogging. Arguing with anyone about anything on line. I am retired and he still works, but whenever he is home he is glued to his I-phone, and I mean, totally absorbed. As I am happy to take on the lion's share of house and yard work because I have more time, I am seeing that all this accomplishes is that he has more time to blog. Then he gets worked up about something on line and is grouchy. I am so glad to have outside interests and friends, but it is a little scary to think my life partner has so to little interest in anything other than his phone. I dread when he retires as he is totally boring. Before anyone suggests divorce, I have become aware that there comes a time when fighting it out in a divorce court is the greater of two evils, and have been down that route before. I am just grateful for my outside life and an occasional separate vacation.
My husband has his work with Habitat for Humanity and a group that builds wheelchair ramps. I give up the living room and TV to him most afternoons so he can watch what he wants.
I quilt and sew and took over the two upstairs rooms where I have a tv and all my equipment. I take trips to quilting retreats without him throughout the year and he gets his own alone time. He says he loves this too so he can do whatever he wants and enjoy a mini vacation at home.
We travel well together but each need our own alone time. Been doing similiar things all our married life and just needed the separate rooms for home after retirement.
You spent time searching for the woman of your dreams. You dated lots of people to find out what kind of person that you wanted to be with. You pick someone and start getting to know her better. Over time you realize that this is the person you want to spend all your time with. You buy a ring and ask the question. You both go to work on setting a date, planning a wedding and boom you have your life partner.
Life happens and you work your life. Now work has come to an end and it is time to get to know this life partner again.
Maybe time to start romancing the wife again. What you need to do is put her first. Put her needs first over your needs. Do what ever you can to make her happy. Forget about yourself for a while.
I have never understood why guys and girls want to get away from the one that they love. This is supposed to be your best friend. This is the person you want to share all your dreams with. This is the person you grow old with. Friends and family come and go. Even kids I have heard leave eventually. Your bride? She is with you till the end.
I don't want to pretend to be able to fix a marriage. What I am sure of is that if she is still with you then you can fix it. You can become the man that she wants to be with. What will happen is that she will become the woman that you want to be with.
My marriage has had problems over the years. I take those problems as teaching opportunities for me. I have learned a lot about me and about my wife from going thru challenges within our marriage. For me what I have learned is that she needs time with me on a regular basis. We date each week. We do things together. We work on our home, help out our kids, do things that bring us closer together. I am betting that if you were to date your bride on a weekly basis, have breakfast and at least dinner with her each day, talk to her each day a lot. Find out about her each day then you will find that she will be getting her fix of you. She will have that reassurance that you two are a team. Then you will have time to do the things that you want to do now that you are retired. Most important though is make sure her needs are met. I can not stress this enough.
If you can't do that, then get a life, find hobbies, make friends, volunteer, get a p/t job. Sitting in a man cave to get away from your wife sounds like a pretty boring retirement, and pretty insulting to your wife. We all need "me time", but don't you want to do things together too?
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