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So his accountant told him to rent a warehouse space with an office. When he asked why he would waste so much money just to store a few toys his accountant told him it was cheaper than a divorce. So he rented the space and still goes to work, though with little to do each day.
Retire from the hassle, not going to do something each day. If you've had a great low contact marriage for years, find someplace to tinker...even if it's out of the house, with a club or a hobby.
My wife is a "joiner" and a doer. On average, she has 15 entries to her calendar each week and makes it to every event.
I am very content to have perhaps two entries on my calendar and to spend my time at home or talking to neighbors.
We do a few things together, eat all of our meals together and the like. However, I have no intention of joining those activities of my wife that I don't want to do.
I've talked about this before. My wife and I had 20 hour part-time jobs with schedules that gave us one full day together during the week for day trips or things we wanted to do. Sometimes we had a couple half-days as well. I had a four day weekend each week. She worked with books...something she loved to do. We both had social contacts and a network outside of our home and things of interest that we shared that we wouldn't have had otherwise. I used to joke that I had just enough work, just enough wife and just enough free time...but it was true. (She felt the same way, I think)
There are lots of volunteer opportunities and probably dozens of part-time job opportunities. Try the city government -- they might call it "seasonal" employment but that's just a payroll code. After my wife passed I volunteered to walk the dogs at the local dog pound a couple days a week -- good exercise and they needed to be walked.
At this point in my life, reading this seems kind of sad. I would love to have a companion. I have a "roommate", but that has been over for years. We do get along, but we don't do anything together anymore. We just live here and split bills.
He has cancer, so I will be around to help him out, but that isn't what I want. Boo-hoo!
I have a couple of older friends and relatives that are divorced or widowed and they have said that they do not want a person in their lives either. Just their friends and kids. Seriously - isn't there more to life than that?
At this point in my life, reading this seems kind of sad. I would love to have a companion. I have a "roommate", but that has been over for years. We do get along, but we don't do anything together anymore. We just live here and split bills.
He has cancer, so I will be around to help him out, but that isn't what I want. Boo-hoo!
I have a couple of older friends and relatives that are divorced or widowed and they have said that they do not want a person in their lives either. Just their friends and kids. Seriously - isn't there more to life than that?
Yes there is more to life than friends and kids (grand or not). There is a whole world of stuff out there. It is all a matter of a person's perspective. How they see themselves in the world.
At this point in my life, reading this seems kind of sad. I would love to have a companion. I have a "roommate", but that has been over for years. We do get along, but we don't do anything together anymore. We just live here and split bills.
He has cancer, so I will be around to help him out, but that isn't what I want. Boo-hoo!
I have a couple of older friends and relatives that are divorced or widowed and they have said that they do not want a person in their lives either. Just their friends and kids. Seriously - isn't there more to lifethan that?
Sure, and lots of people have more than that. Personally, I think I've been living alone for so long I'm not sure I could abide another person in my home. I don't feel any 'need' for a "companion", I'm too lazy to get out and about much and won't unless I HAVE to. I think about going and doing things but that's as far as it gets.
I think my ex and I had it pretty good when it came to having our own space. He was gone for six or seven months every year so I got PLENTY of "space". lol I did get to see him here and there if I was willing to travel or he got close enough to home to 'visit'. The other six months of the year he mostly worked but often didn't and we would be together 24/7 for most of it. We got along great. When he really needed his space he'd take off on a week long camping trip. When I did I'd go visit kids and family. But we liked being together and had some super fall/winter vacations over the years.
I am with you 5150 ... as I was thinking pretty much the same thing about the OP and several others who posted afterwards about being married ( as I see it ) to themselves.. The Wife and I are happy to be retired and to now have unlimited time we "can " spend with each other.. When we sail our sailboat its together when the Powerboat goes out, we are both on it, same goes for Motorcycle and Scuba Diving.. We look for things to do together even if its just sit and each read a book...That's why we got married.. She didn't need my income and I didn't want just another GF with benefits..... I worked a lot of overtime in my day but it was most often spent on Vacations TOGETHER.. lets do the math...12 hrs work + 2 hours lunch and commute = 14 hrs... Dinner 1 hr now its 15 hrs.... Sleeping for 5 hrs makes it 20 leaving 4 hours a day for wife and other interest? Now I understand the OP's chosen board name hahahahahaha
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150
So you were a workaholic, ignored your wife for all those years and now you have a situation.
I would seek marriage counseling and maybe you guys will still be married in three years.
Mrs5150 and I have always had a balance of being together (note the aforementioned phrase) and doing things separate. We are comfortable with each other and can sit in the same room for hours saying a little and still feel connected. Just how we are.
Your OP was quite telling. Married for years without having a relationship. Living two separate lives. Mrs5150 and I skied together today. A common interest. She paints and I practice the Mandolin in the same house at the same time. We talk a bit and then do our hobbies.
I worried about that same thing before I retired in July. We rarely saw each other and living together 24/7 scared the crap out of me. Boy was I ever wrong. We are going through a second honeymoon phase now. We are having so much fun, and the sex If I need a break or have cabin fever I just go hang out with my besties. Last Saturday I had a lot of wine with one bestie, played games, and laughed until I cried. Life is really good now.
Sure, and lots of people have more than that. Personally, I think I've been living alone for so long I'm not sure I could abide another person in my home. I don't feel any 'need' for a "companion", I'm too lazy to get out and about much and won't unless I HAVE to. I think about going and doing things but that's as far as it gets.
I think my ex and I had it pretty good when it came to having our own space. He was gone for six or seven months every year so I got PLENTY of "space". lol I did get to see him here and there if I was willing to travel or he got close enough to home to 'visit'. The other six months of the year he mostly worked but often didn't and we would be together 24/7 for most of it. We got along great. When he really needed his space he'd take off on a week long camping trip. When I did I'd go visit kids and family. But we liked being together and had some super fall/winter vacations over the years.
I wonder why I have started feeling this way. Didn't before. Maybe its the medication - lol. Started back on my thyroid meds and multi-vitamin and extra vitamin D. Maybe I was in a fog before and was content to just drift along. Who knows.
But alas, I have tied myself down with too many pets for now and will just have to wait a minimum of five years.
Still mull over in my head what I want to do. Stay here and re-model. Move to the city. Decisions, decisions.
I want to live in a modern house. I loved my old house but want a change. Thought about building a very modern mini house in the back acreage and rent this one out.
My wife is a "joiner" and a doer. On average, she has 15 entries to her calendar each week and makes it to every event.
I am very content to have perhaps two entries on my calendar and to spend my time at home or talking to neighbors.
We do a few things together, eat all of our meals together and the like. However, I have no intention of joining those activities of my wife that I don't want to do.
I hear you and totally get that. I grew up in a small town, and there's basically nothing else for the retirees to do except meet in the local cafe, drink coffee and solve the world's problems. They seem to live a long time. If you wanted unnecessary stress and schedule, doing things you don't want to do and meeting with people you don't really want to meet with...you may as well keep working.
Anyway, I'd tell my wife to please give me 3 months to do nothing. I've been doing stuff for my whole life and just need a period to relax and even figure out what I want to do. Maybe later ask her to pick 1 event per week she'd like you to join her with that she thinks you'd enjoy, just to humor her. I know my wife doesn't understand the pleasure I get from those few moments when I have the house to myself and can tinker on whatever I want. (like today) What she does understand is that I'm less obnoxious when I do get that time once in awhile.
Back when I was young, energetic and happy, I worked 12 hours a day six days a week. I spent lots of time with friends and family and got involved in many church and community activities. I did not see all that much of my wife because we were each doing our own thing.
Now that we are retired, we get on each others nerves and see too much of each other. I have solved that problem somewhat by moving down to my man cave when I want to be alone but that is just not doing the trick.
So, how do you get your own space and not get on your spouses nerves when you first retire and are home alot more?
According to your thread of less than a week ago on the Relationship forum, regarding separate bedrooms and the man cave, your marriage has just "improved 100%". So now a week later you "get on each others nerves and see too much of each other". Maybe you need a whole separate house. If I were your wife I certainly wouldn't ant to spend time with someone who is "old tired and angry".
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lets do the math...12 hrs work + 2 hours lunch and commute = 14 hrs... Dinner 1 hr now its 15 hrs.... Sleeping for 5 hrs makes it 20 leaving 4 hours a day for wife and other interest? Now I understand the OP's chosen board name hahahahahaha
