So many "Elder Orphans" in our society (dump, grandpa, husband)
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I thought 'elder orphans' were mostly defined in the first category below:
An elder orphan is someone without a spouse or partner, and without children, and without living relatives of significance with whom they interact or live nearby and/or without any living relatives.
Some people without a spouse and whose children are not active in their life have wanted to be included in the definition. (but they might have living relatives in their life)
Occasionally a married couple whose children are not active in their lives have wanted to be included in the definition. But I think they maybe have not conceived of no spouse, no children, no relatives. Having a spouse or partner makes them completely different from first category above.
Obviously there is a continuum. And anyone on the farthest reaches is resentful of those with even a modicum more support than what they have.
Perhaps the best way is some type of "graded" forum of different sections:
"True Elder Orphans"
"Orphans with Partner but no kids"
"Orphans with Spouse but no kids"
"Orphans with no Partner/Spouse but kids they aren't close to"
...etc.
Obviously there is a continuum. And anyone on the farthest reaches is resentful of those with even a modicum more support than what they have.
Perhaps the best way is some type of "graded" forum of different sections:
"True Elder Orphans"
"Orphans with Partner but no kids"
"Orphans with Spouse but no kids"
"Orphans with no Partner/Spouse but kids they aren't close to"
...etc.
Why can't people accept what an elder orphan is? No partner, spouse, or kids. Why have a graded forum? They can go to one for their situation. People with no kids, people with kids far away, married people no kids. Go to those forums instead of ruining one for elder orphans.
Why can't people accept what an elder orphan is? No partner, spouse, or kids. Why have a graded forum? They can go to one for their situation. People with no kids, people with kids far away, married people no kids. Go to those forums instead of ruining one for elder orphans.
I just posted on another thread in this forum that I am about to leave the FB "Elder Orphans" group because so many are posting there who do not fit this description. We are not supposed to post pictures of our pets there but so far the administrator has allowed people to post pictures of their families and friends who are accessible to them.
This group is morphing into just another general interest group for older people.
Why can't people accept what an elder orphan is? No partner, spouse, or kids. Why have a graded forum? They can go to one for their situation. People with no kids, people with kids far away, married people no kids. Go to those forums instead of ruining one for elder orphans.
I agree. I think some seek to lord it over the less fortunate or gloat about what they have. We all know people like that, don't we?
In the context of this and other "elder orphan" threads, it is interesting to reflect on some recent threads in Retirement and also Relationships forums, where residents of age-restricted low-income housing have reported issues with unfriendly or demanding neighbors, and feeling alone and isolated.
It seems to me that many of these residents are the real-life "Old, poor, and alone" people for whom the term "elder orphan" was created.
If the elder-orphan FB page is so popular, then I start to wonder why supportive, caring elder-orphan communities haven't already sprung up in these residential buildings where the orphans are living side by side.
Virtual communities are fine and dandy, but what about real life? What would get in the way of creating such a community in a residential building?
In the context of this and other "elder orphan" threads, it is interesting to reflect on some recent threads in Retirement and also Relationships forums, where residents of age-restricted low-income housing have reported issues with unfriendly or demanding neighbors, and feeling alone and isolated.
It seems to me that many of these residents are the real-life "Old, poor, and alone" people for whom the term "elder orphan" was created.
If the elder-orphan FB page is so popular, then I start to wonder why supportive, caring elder-orphan communities haven't already sprung up in these residential buildings where the orphans are living side by side.
Virtual communities are fine and dandy, but what about real life? What would get in the way of creating such a community in a residential building?
It could be because it is a low income building. I've seen the same threads. I never see similar threads for active adult communities, at least the larger ones, where many have organizations in place to serve the ones that need help.
Do the people in low income buildings have the ability, money, and skills to start the things that are needed?
Why can't people accept what an elder orphan is? No partner, spouse, or kids. Why have a graded forum? They can go to one for their situation. People with no kids, people with kids far away, married people no kids. Go to those forums instead of ruining one for elder orphans.
Ideally, I agree. But if you make it easy for the interloping orphan wannabes (and isn't that just sad?!) to get into their "correct" forum then things might be a bit tidier and not so irritating.
As for the Elder Orphans facebook page.....a lot of the people (women) on there are married and have kids. If you ask they why they are there its because they "feel" like orphans or think they will be more or less orphans in the future and want to know how to handle it. But because what seems like the preponderance of people aren't actually orphans the whole thing is disfunctional and argumentative and there are no ideas or support. I can't figure out if these familied women just have some sort of entitlement issue, want to lord their familied status over the real orphans or if this is some sad commentary on how marriage and kids don't actually mean anything in terms of feeling alone.
Someone called this "humble-bragging." Very aptly put.
Anyway, I quit, seemed useless. Whoever started that page used the moniker Elder Orphans (probably from the article) and then allowed any and all join. Sort of like starting a page titled "Motorcycle club" and letting people with bicycles, cars and skateboards join.
You have it exactly right.
Carol, the creator of the group could put limitations on membership but instead she seems to defend just about anyone who wants to join. It's become more of just a group of "Elders" rather than "Elder Orphans."
It's kind of aggravating that while she has said she doesn't want people "cluttering up" the pages with pictures of pets that are very important to many elder orphans, she is open to any and all people who don't fit the definition of "Elder Orphans" joining up and posting about their friends and families.
It could be because it is a low income building. I've seen the same threads. I never see similar threads for active adult communities, at least the larger ones, where many have organizations in place to serve the ones that need help.
Do the people in low income buildings have the ability, money, and skills to start the things that are needed?
There are activities galore in my low-income building that enable people to meet on common grounds. I am not into bingo and cards or parties offered but I have joined the acting and writers' groups where I have met some great people. No real friends yet like the ones I left behind in my former city but I have the opportunity to find some eventually. Meantime I don't have to be alone if I don't want to.
Some of the opportunities, BTW, were created not by the Senior Center in the building or the management of the apartment complex but rather by the tenants themselves. As an example one woman gathered together a group of people who volunteer to distribute pet food to those who run short from time to time with their budget. Her group also pet-sits for people who go on vacation or find themselves needing someone to take care of their pets as a result of an unexpected hospitalization.
We have people here from high school graduates to Masters Degrees. Being low-income does not mean lack of ability or skills.
There are activities galore in my low-income building that enable people to meet on common grounds. I am not into bingo and cards or parties offered but I have joined the acting and writers' groups where I have met some great people. No real friends yet like the ones I left behind in my former city but I have the opportunity to find some eventually. Meantime I don't have to be alone if I don't want to.
Some of the opportunities, BTW, were created not by the Senior Center in the building or the management of the apartment complex but rather by the tenants themselves. As an example one woman gathered together a group of people who volunteer to distribute pet food to those who run short from time to time with their budget. Her group also pet-sits for people who go on vacation or find themselves needing someone to take care of their pets as a result of an unexpected hospitalization.
We have people here from high school graduates to Masters Degrees. Being low-income does not mean lack of ability or skills.
I meant the residents starting the programs such as yours did but I guess it did not come out that way. The pet group sounds like a great idea and I am sure there is a need for it.
From other posts about income based housing you sound like an exception in that people are helping others and get along with each other. Yours is the first post I recall that wasn't a complaint about income based housing and the actions of the people living there.
I think you are also an exception in education levels of the residents.
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