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Hello All.
Thought I would give this update since I have been part of the estranged world for many years.
My son estranged for 9 years, after he met a woman and then she didnt want us (his family) in their life, so he threw us aside to make her happy.
Long story short I was mod, on an estrangement site, and seen so many parents fall for their child over and over when the child showed up on their doorstep, after years and in debt. The parents went in debt to set the child up, and low and behold the child left them again. So I seen that, yet I never thought it would happen to me, right! My son came back, and my heart was so happy.. We spent our retirement savings setting him up. He came back in big debt and not even a vehicle. So dont you know the rest of the story?
Like I said, long story short, he was here 1 year, met another woman and married her. He cannot just date for some reason. So they lived 10 minutes away till her mother moved... so she followed her. There went my son! We do hear from him now and again, like 2 weeks AFTER mother's day. I guess I have to be happy with what I get right!
If I had it to do over again, I would have given my son room and board, and helped him but not financially. He could have used my car, etc. I regret spending our savings. We didnt have much to begin with and now I feel it was thrown out the window.
Moral of the story, dont be so quick to think it wont happen to you.
Good luck.
Wow that IS a sad story and sorry he took advantage of you again. Don't give him any more money and I hope he did not leave you without anything. But at least he is keeping in touch with you and maybe just build off that? Can you ask him to slowly repay some of the support you gave him? Sometimes no matter how hard we try -- you cannot change people -- including your children. My thought would be he is still your child and if you love him, just forgive him but never fall for that trap again. Life is short.
Oh yes FrannyBear, I dont hold any grudges towards him, he is my son, but I would not financially help him again. I hope you never experience this. Life is short.
I am sorry you had this happened to you. It is heart breaking when the people we love are the ones who hurt us. It wasn't my children with me but a sibling. I now remember the words of Maya Angelou "When someone shows you who they are, believe them".
While I will always love my brother, I will not trust him.
I am sorry you had this happened to you. It is heart breaking when the people we love are the ones who hurt us. It wasn't my children with me but a sibling. I now remember the words of Maya Angelou "When someone shows you who they are, believe them".
While I will always love my brother, I will not trust him.
Eliza, you are so so right, or Maya is anyway, but I wonder why it takes so much pain before we are willing to believe them. I know now, it's my son and no matter who he is with, he will do this. One thing I heard a lot of is if they do it once, hurt you beyond measure, then they are capable of doing it again, and boy did I find that out the hard way, to be true.
I am sorry you experienced this.
Eliza, you are so so right, or Maya is anyway, but I wonder why it takes so much pain before we are willing to believe them. I know now, it's my son and no matter who he is with, he will do this. One thing I heard a lot of is if they do it once, hurt you beyond measure, then they are capable of doing it again, and boy did I find that out the hard way, to be true.
I am sorry you experienced this.
I can't remember what movie I saw it in but basically the character who portrays the mom said "it's the chance we take in loving them" How true. I know a woman who's son unfortunately committed murder, people always ask how she can "stand" by her son. She says "I abhor" what he did but I am still his mother and as such still love him as a mother. she never said he did not deserve his punishment just that she will die loving him a a son.
Never feel ashamed of the love you have for your children, that's a beautiful thing. you just know you have to set boundaries because even though they are our children, they are individual adults.
I can't remember what movie I saw it in but basically the character who portrays the mom said "it's the chance we take in loving them" How true. I know a woman who's son unfortunately committed murder, people always ask how she can "stand" by her son. She says "I abhor" what he did but I am still his mother and as such still love him as a mother. she never said he did not deserve his punishment just that she will die loving him a a son.
Never feel ashamed of the love you have for your children, that's a beautiful thing. you just know you have to set boundaries because even though they are our children, they are individual adults.
You did not mention drugs but as I am sure you know that is one of the main reasons grown kids return looking for hand outs. It NEVER works out well and the hand outs can ruin a retired couple.
You did not mention drugs but as I am sure you know that is one of the main reasons grown kids return looking for hand outs. It NEVER works out well and the hand outs can ruin a retired couple.
No, no drugs here. My son seems to be addicted to women. I have to count my blessings, right!
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
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I'm not sure what you expected. Was your grown son obligated to live near you his entire life? You made the decision to help him financially, so should you have included a clause or contract that specified he live near you? I don't understand the problem. Of course, he wants to be near the woman he loves. His bad decisions are honestly none of your business. Let me clue you into one thing too, most men are addicted to women. That's far from unusual.
No one forced you to help him financially. Hopefully, you learned from this experience and will not strain your finances (therefore enabling him) again.
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