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My point is, most people who get DUI are not recklessly driving drunk nor people of low character, they are regular every day people doing every day things like going out to dinner.
I understand your point - they were not sloppy drunk. And I suspect we can agree on the smaller percentage of DUI drivers who are indeed sloppy drunk. But let's talk about the people who you say are not recklessly driving drunk.
Yet, their driving performance was impaired, as that provided the circumstances necessary to be pulled over in the first place. They rate themselves as unimpaired, but they are not reliable evaluators of their own capabilities. The LEO who pulled them over is a far better evaluator.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I don't think that by itself should have any bearing on whether you can do a job.
Let's say you could magically go back in time and talk to yourself when you were, say, 18 years of age. And you told yourself way back then about just how expensive ALF is now in 2022. And you also told yourself way back then just how much money you would need to accumulate over your lifetime to fund a comfortable retirement. And you also told yourself about investing in the stock market & real estate & precious metals & art & other such things. And you also educated your young self about how investments grow exponentially over time.
Armed with this knowledge, would you have done anything differently with your life, financially speaking? Would you have done things to prepare your financial situation so that you indeed can have a financially comfortable retirement, including paying the costs of ALF?
A slightly different question - why don't our public schools arm each graduating senior with the above information so that each 18 year old knows the financial hill they must climb?
When I was 18 years old, I couldn't imagine myself ever becoming old, I doubted that I would make it to 50. Saving for Assisted Living in my old age would not have even been on my radar. And if they had tried to teach me about saving for my own nursing home expenses in school I would have zoned out completely on that lesson.
For whatever reason, around the age of 25, I started contributing to my 401K and I also had a job that was earning me a pension. I couldn't "afford" to save for my retirement as I was earning peanuts at the time, but I did it anyway. But before the age of 25 I would not have been receptive to any kind of planning for my old age.
Let's say you could magically go back in time and talk to yourself when you were, say, 18 years of age. And you told yourself way back then about just how expensive ALF is now in 2022. And you also told yourself way back then just how much money you would need to accumulate over your lifetime to fund a comfortable retirement. And you also told yourself about investing in the stock market & real estate & precious metals & art & other such things. And you also educated your young self about how investments grow exponentially over time.
Armed with this knowledge, would you have done anything differently with your life, financially speaking? Would you have done things to prepare your financial situation so that you indeed can have a financially comfortable retirement, including paying the costs of ALF?
A slightly different question - why don't our public schools arm each graduating senior with the above information so that each 18 year old knows the financial hill they must climb?
Good points. We didn't know anything about investing when we were young. That was something other people did. My parents didn't gamble in the stock market, either. I think they were both sketchy about the stock market because they were Depression-era kids. They bought a few different lots when the Poconos lake communities began to become a thing back in the '60s and '70s, and that was their investment.
I didn't even know what "the SATs" meant when the other kids were talking about taking them, lol, let alone worrying about retirement.
When I got my job with a regional public transportation agency at 20 after getting out of secretarial school, I knew there were good health benefits and a state retirement system, but I didn't give a rat's ass about either of those things. They were paying about $25 a week more than other jobs I'd been offered, and you started out with 13 days a year vacation. THAT'S what I wanted to hear at 20. I thought I'd work there for a short time and then get married and have kids. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
A few years in, I needed a doctor appointment and some blood tests, and I was shocked at how much this all cost, but then I found out that most of it was covered by the health insurance I'd ignored and became grateful for that. Eventually I came to realize the value of the public retirement system of which I was part, and by the time I retired from that agency with 37 years of service, I knew how fortunate I was to have that pension coming.
Let's say you could magically go back in time and talk to yourself when you were, say, 18 years of age. And you told yourself way back then about just how expensive ALF is now in 2022. And you also told yourself way back then just how much money you would need to accumulate over your lifetime to fund a comfortable retirement. And you also told yourself about investing in the stock market & real estate & precious metals & art & other such things. And you also educated your young self about how investments grow exponentially over time.
Armed with this knowledge, would you have done anything differently with your life, financially speaking? Would you have done things to prepare your financial situation so that you indeed can have a financially comfortable retirement, including paying the costs of ALF?
A slightly different question - why don't our public schools arm each graduating senior with the above information so that each 18 year old knows the financial hill they must climb?
I was a mess at 18, had quit school and floundering not knowing how to get through the day let alone planning for old age, drugs, promiscuity etc. It really messed me up losing my dad and the lack of supervision from a working mom who was still young and also trying to date, and an angry brother who often took that out on me. It took me until my late 20s to get myself together. Even then I made some poor decisions because I had poor self esteem and had never really been prepared to function as an adult. It was a lot of trial and error. Many of your posts seem to presume a certain cookie-cutter life that a lot of people don’t have growing up.
I paid off student loans until I was 45, so got a very late start saving anything for retirement. I lost tens of thousands of what I did save due to medical expenses and being unable to work for 10 months before and after my back surgery in 2016. I had to liquidate my Roth just to survive.
Having worked in a school district for five years, I think the reason they don’t teach things like that is because of both the emphasis today on passing standardized national tests and the difficulty passing school budgets. Schools are eliminating classes such as art, music etc. to concentrate purely on academics. I would be willing to bet that there would be parents that would complain about those kind of life lessons in any case, because there’s an increasing emphasis now among the public that school should only be concentrating on academics and leave everything else to parents. Which of course presumes that every kid has involved parents, which many do not. I think teaching finances is a good idea.
I don’t think most 18-year-olds can even fathom that they’re going to be old infirm one day.
That sounds very tough, and I’m sure you’re feeling a lot of uncertainty and also guilt. Does he have funds to hire more help including hiring a snowplow or something to come when the snow comes?
I don't feel guilt and don't get that remark. I didn't do anything wrong. I feel SAD because I was supposed to live out my life here in this beautiful place, and that got snatched from us by illness.
I don't think you read all of my post. He ALREADY pays someone to plow the driveway and has since he moved here nine years ago. Whenever it snows, the guy just shows up. That's not the problem. The problem is that the snow can get three or four feet deep, and it has to be shoveled away from the garage door, at least, and if we stayed here all winter the way we used to, someone--ME--would have to shovel a walk for the PSWs and nurse who would be coming. I am 64. I can shovel some, but do we really need ME keeling over facedown in the snow? Before last year, I would get up in the morning and shovel a little and he would go out later and shovel some more, but we could go for days without worrying about anyone coming here, so it didn't matter. It was mostly shoveling to make a path to the bird feeders or for the now-deceased dog to be able to go pee.
He does have the funds to pay someone, but this is the boonies. It's not like there are people who will come here and do that whenever it snows. This isn't my townhouse in Jersey where I wake up at 5 a.m. after a snowstorm and there are three Mexicans outside shoveling my walk and front porch, lol. Sometimes in January and February, it might snow at some point every day. And it won't melt until April.
So, we have no choice but to close up this house for the winter and spend the winter in the house in the Toronto suburbs where his sons live. Which is an awful lot like Jersey but without good Italian food.
But...to the topic...at least the government sends out the nurse and the PSWs. They have a shortage here, though, too.
ETA: With the influx of Ukrainian refugees coming into Canada, I suggested to my bf, who is of Ukrainian descent, that he sponsor a nice big strong young Uke man to stay here and take care of us! He just gave me a funny look.
I don't feel guilt and don't get that remark. I didn't do anything wrong. I feel SAD because I was supposed to live out my life here in this beautiful place, and that got snatched from us by illness.
I don't think you read all of my post. He ALREADY pays someone to plow the driveway and has since he moved here nine years ago. Whenever it snows, the guy just shows up. That's not the problem. The problem is that the snow can get three or four feet deep, and it has to be shoveled away from the garage door, at least, and if we stayed here all winter the way we used to, someone--ME--would have to shovel a walk for the PSWs and nurse who would be coming. I am 64. I can shovel some, but do we really need ME keeling over facedown in the snow? Before last year, I would get up in the morning and shovel a little and he would go out later and shovel some more, but we could go for days without worrying about anyone coming here, so it didn't matter. It was mostly shoveling to make a path to the bird feeders or for the now-deceased dog to be able to go pee.
He does have the funds to pay someone, but this is the boonies. It's not like there are people running around in the woods with shovels who will come here and do that whenever it snows. This isn't like my townhouse in Jersey, lol, where I wake up at 5 a.m. after a snowstorm and there are three Mexicans shoveling my walk and front porch. Sometimes in January and February, it might snow at some point every day. And it won't melt until April.
So, we have no choice but to close up this house for the winter and spend the winter in the house in the Toronto suburbs where his sons live. Which is an awful lot like Jersey but without good Italian food.
I meant guilt because you can’t do it by yourself. I know you have the driveway plowed, I was talking about hiring someone to shovel all those other areas you mentioned. Sorry I wasn’t trying to be offensive.
I meant guilt because you can’t do it by yourself. I know you have the driveway plowed, I was talking about hiring someone to shovel all those other areas you mentioned. Sorry I wasn’t trying to be offensive.
No, I didn't think you were being offensive.
You are right, I always think I should be able to do everything by myself and that we shouldn't ask for help unless absolutely necessary. It has been hard to have to admit I can't take care of him by myself. I did all last year until I couldn't anymore.
But we are on a lake 15 miles from town, and there just aren't many people around in the winter. Some people have only three-season houses and the nearest neighbors, who aren't any younger than I am, are snowbirds who bail to Florida for the winter.
One night the winter before last, my bf went to the burb house to see his sons for their February birthdays, leaving me here with the pets. I stepped outside to marvel at the stars and realized the nearest person to me was probably in the one house I could see across the lake that had a light on. You can hear wolves howling here at night in winter. I fell in love with winter here, but now I just have to hang on to those memories. I thought we'd have a few years here, but no. Eh, I'm not the first person to have their dreams squashed like a bug because of age and illness.
You are right, I always think I should be able to do everything by myself and that we shouldn't ask for help unless absolutely necessary. It has been hard to have to admit I can't take care of him by myself. I did all last year until I couldn't anymore.
But we are on a lake 15 miles from town, and there just aren't many people around in the winter. Some people have only three-season houses and the nearest neighbors, who aren't any younger than I am, are snowbirds who bail to Florida for the winter.
One night the winter before last, my bf went to the burb house to see his sons for their February birthdays, leaving me here with the pets. I stepped outside to marvel at the stars and realized the nearest person to me was probably in the one house I could see across the lake that had a light on. You can hear wolves howling here at night in winter. I fell in love with winter here, but now I just have to hang on to those memories. I thought we'd have a few years here, but no. Eh, I'm not the first person to have their dreams squashed like a bug because of age and illness.
I think that you just have to focus on making things as easy as possible for yourself while you are caring for your boyfriend. The lake house isn't going anywhere, it'll be there when the snow melts. But right now it makes good sense to be in an easier maintenance home closer to doctors, shopping and other conveniences. It'll be good to have his son nearby for a backup. Just having someone around who also loves and cares about your boyfriend will mean something.
Family members have no responsibility to take care of their own simply because they are related. The whole "blood is thicker than water" philosophy is BS. Family members use it to treat their kin like trash and get away with it too long, long after their relatives would abandon them if they weren't related. If there is mutual respect, love, and caring on either side such an obligation exists. But what you are suggesting is that families sacrifice their entire lives for their relatives, and that's neither realistic nor fair.
This isn't Sparta. We don't just set our weak and feeble on a hillside and tell them, "Best of luck." As I pointed out previously, there are no other options. You, or from a parent's or parents' money, (a) pay for a home aide (b) pay to send them to an ASL or nursing home (c) family members care for them or (d) people do nothing and let them die. If there is no money at the end of the rainbow for options a or b, or there is a worker shortage because those workers decided to pursue more lucrative work than being a home aide, then you're left with option c as the ultimate cost equalizer, inconvenient as it may be. To reiterate, it's most definitely an inconvenience. Multi-generational homes don't sound like much fun to me either, but it is the best solution to the worker shortage for those who can't afford otherwise. Speculating: it might even help tame inflation .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks
My wife and I have had this discussion several times. Her mom is getting very old and although she is still in good health, it's time to make some tough decisions about the future. She lives in SC, we're moving to TN, her son lives in NC. She says she won't leave SC but we can't afford the higer (sic) cost of living in Charleston and the heat is pretty brutal compared to the mountains of Tennessee. The brother feels no obligation to her. He has kids and we don't so. . . We believe the best idea is to relocate her to Tennessee but that will take a lot of convincing.
That's correct, and I touched on that previously as well. It's insanity for a person who has major health issues to want to, whether out of stubbornness, hubris, or an alleged fear about a loss of dignity, remain in their home, especially if there is no help. It's better for them to move in with, or move closer to, family, if they are on good terms with each other. Obviously, if family ties are strained, this is less likely, or won't be happening at all. You can't control what the brother does, but you will relocate her to Tennessee if needed. However, and although your wife's mother doesn't have major health issues currently, developing some may change her mind quite quickly about her desire to remain in her home. I suspect a major health issue that requires a home aide, or else option d get initiated, would change how the brother reacts, too, but either way, they all have to make a decision on what to do. If the brother is comfortable with option d as I listed above simply because he doesn't want to lift a finger, then what can you do?
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I feel SAD because I was supposed to live out my life here in this beautiful place, and that got snatched from us by illness.
