Letting go as you scale down for retirement (grandparent, psycho, adults)
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That stuff about the Depression grates on me. My parents were Depression-Era, and yes, they did go through a "phase" where they held onto everything. but that was decades ago. do realize that space has value, too. And don't forget to factor in the cost of moving and storing useless items.
I guess clutter is a sore point for me. Twice I had to clear out people's belonging after they died, it just about did me in. they had all their life to sort, prune, etc, but left it for me to figure out. what they had a lifetime to sort, I had just a few weekends to figure out. They did't want to part with a piece of useless junk because it might have a use some day, after all, they went through the Depression.
So, fast forward to the present, which is the only place any of us can live. Here I am, struggling to balance a budget and maintain a household, and peolple dump their junk on me because they didn't want to sort it. I don't have all the time in the world, my job, family, and household matter, too. So I end up hiring moving companies, storage facilities, etc, anything to make a quick turnaround. I can't sell this and that on Ebay, CraigsList, etc, when I'm out of state, have just a few days, and a job to get back to.
So, because they went through the Depression decades ago, I can spend thousands to clear out their junk.
And yes, it can cost thousands. hauling off stuff isn't free. If so much can be done with it, why didn't they? they just left their mess for me, and use that old excuse about the Depression to justify not keeping their environment reasonable.
You didn't live through the depression so you cannot possibly understand. I asked one of my older brothers what it was like (I was born in 1948). This is what he told me.
"We lived in a 12x12 basement with a roof over it and a stairway leading down into it. No windows, no running water, no electricity, except for what dad stole. All the neighbors essentially lived the same way. No one had any money. No one had a job. Food was scarce and you had to guard your garden if you had one."
This 12x12 room held two adults and three young boys.
"Dad finally found some old pipe and connected to the water line." (illegally) "The city found out and placed a water meter in the line. We couldn't afford to pay for it so dad ran another line around the meter. Dad would, on a regular basis, climb the pole out front and connect to the electrical line. The city had workers that walked all over town to look for this and would climb the pole and disconnect it. Dad would wait a day and climb the pole again. This was very common as there was no other way to get fresh water or electricity. Most of our neighbors did the same things."
"We stayed warm in winter with a pot belly stove dad got somewhere. We never did find out where it came from. We burned scavenged wood and borrowed coal. We were fortunate that one of the neighbor's sons worked where he could get coal and they shared."
Most people during the depression had nothing. Not what we consider nothing today, they literally had nothing. Think of the people living under bridges or in their cars today. Something like that, only nationwide. My parents were actually pretty lucky because my father had a good job just before it all hit and had started building that house. When the bottom fell out he already had the first floor flooring in place so all he had to do was make the basement as livable as possible.
We cannot possibly understand the psychology behind the affect that era had on our ancestors.
You should be damned thankful you have a budget to balance and a household to maintain.
I have been cleaning out my house for 5 yrs, in between the kids storing their stuff here and then clearing it out, back again, etc. Once you're seriously cleaned out, then it's one final sweep through from top to bottom b/c that's the serious level, almost like losing the final 10 lb of weight. One thing to think about though is getting rid of "goods" that are expenesive to replace---blankets, quilts, cookware, rugged clothes, good coats and shoes, curtains, glass canning jars, etc. These cost a lot to buy again. My thought at this final pass-through is: If I can seriously use this item in the next 10 yrs (or share it or give it away in an emergency like another great depression), I will definitely keep it. Otherwise it goes. This means books, dishes, knicknacks--these are not survival items. With the economy the way it's going, we want to be sure we keep what's essential. Candles, kerosene lamps, etc...in case the grid goes down. The hard part for me is papers (writings, others' writings, etc). I have boxes of that...
The most difficult things for me to get rid of when I moved to a smaller apartment were my books. I had some wonderful ones I had schlepped with me from Chicago to Portland some 30 years before. But there was no room and they had to go.
Even in my small place though, I keep collecting them but I sell them back to the bookstore or mostly give them to charity as often as possible. I don't care much for our libraries; they just don't have what I want when I want it.
My dream is to be able to afford a Kindle. Then I can download as many books as I like for little money. And I can keep them. Also, the fonts are adjustable and I find as I get older, the publishing houses seem to be producing books with smaller and smaller type. LOL.
You didn't live through the depression so you cannot possibly understand. I asked one of my older brothers what it was like (I was born in 1948). This is what he told me.
"We lived in a 12x12 basement with a roof over it and a stairway leading down into it. No windows, no running water, no electricity, except for what dad stole. All the neighbors essentially lived the same way. No one had any money. No one had a job. Food was scarce and you had to guard your garden if you had one."
This 12x12 room held two adults and three young boys.
"Dad finally found some old pipe and connected to the water line." (illegally) "The city found out and placed a water meter in the line. We couldn't afford to pay for it so dad ran another line around the meter. Dad would, on a regular basis, climb the pole out front and connect to the electrical line. The city had workers that walked all over town to look for this and would climb the pole and disconnect it. Dad would wait a day and climb the pole again. This was very common as there was no other way to get fresh water or electricity. Most of our neighbors did the same things."
"We stayed warm in winter with a pot belly stove dad got somewhere. We never did find out where it came from. We burned scavenged wood and borrowed coal. We were fortunate that one of the neighbor's sons worked where he could get coal and they shared."
Most people during the depression had nothing. Not what we consider nothing today, they literally had nothing. Think of the people living under bridges or in their cars today. Something like that, only nationwide. My parents were actually pretty lucky because my father had a good job just before it all hit and had started building that house. When the bottom fell out he already had the first floor flooring in place so all he had to do was make the basement as livable as possible.
We cannot possibly understand the psychology behind the affect that era had on our ancestors.
You should be damned thankful you have a budget to balance and a household to maintain.
My mom at the age of 16 was the only one in her family of four to be able to find a job during the Depression. She supported the entire family for quite awhile. That's why although her kids and grandkids teased her about hording cans of tuna, toliet paper and various and sundry other things, we understood. It must have been really scary to live through those times.
Having been nearly homeless once myself, I can understand why people never feel really secure after living though something like that. I sometimes find myself buying more food than I need just because now I can.
I'm curious...as you people have neared your retirement transition....Have you noticed that what once was so very important is now of no importance to you? What changes have you noticed in yourself that you never thought would change? Did you accumulate things when you were younger and now can't believe that at one time you believed that they were so important?
This strange craving for moving my stuff around and out has led me to read Feng Shui books to help me sort out what is important and not-so-important. It will be interesting to read about other people's retirement epiphanies in this thread. Perhaps yours has nothing to do with clutter and stuff...but something else.
Yes, I had this identical epiphany.
What was so very important to me, what to a degree defined me, is of little or no importance now. Also, the monetary value of an item has no bearing on it's current emotional value. Some of the most unlikely items bearing sentimental value are priceless now. But generally, having "things" I don't really want is a huge burden, a drag, an anchor I want to shed.
I've given much to my daughter and will give her more. I've noticed that some of the items that did/do hold much sentimental value for me obviously have none for her. I'm debating asking for some of them back. They represent parts of my life.
I think these "things" represent chapters of our lives, and while they may not be important now, they resurrect the time in which they were acquired, from whom they were acquired, and form the trigger for memories of our past.
I have struggled with separating myself from a ridiculous amount of accumulation, but have realized significant success over the past 5 years. It's a very slow process, one that is very emotional.
You didn't live through the depression so you cannot possibly understand. I asked one of my older brothers what it was like (I was born in 1948). This is what he told me.
"We lived in a 12x12 basement with a roof over it and a stairway leading down into it. No windows, no running water, no electricity, except for what dad stole. All the neighbors essentially lived the same way. No one had any money. No one had a job. Food was scarce and you had to guard your garden if you had one."
This 12x12 room held two adults and three young boys.
"Dad finally found some old pipe and connected to the water line." (illegally) "The city found out and placed a water meter in the line. We couldn't afford to pay for it so dad ran another line around the meter. Dad would, on a regular basis, climb the pole out front and connect to the electrical line. The city had workers that walked all over town to look for this and would climb the pole and disconnect it. Dad would wait a day and climb the pole again. This was very common as there was no other way to get fresh water or electricity. Most of our neighbors did the same things."
"We stayed warm in winter with a pot belly stove dad got somewhere. We never did find out where it came from. We burned scavenged wood and borrowed coal. We were fortunate that one of the neighbor's sons worked where he could get coal and they shared."
Most people during the depression had nothing. Not what we consider nothing today, they literally had nothing. Think of the people living under bridges or in their cars today. Something like that, only nationwide. My parents were actually pretty lucky because my father had a good job just before it all hit and had started building that house. When the bottom fell out he already had the first floor flooring in place so all he had to do was make the basement as livable as possible.
We cannot possibly understand the psychology behind the affect that era had on our ancestors.
You should be damned thankful you have a budget to balance and a household to maintain.
Although I did not live through the depression (born in 1946) I can empathize with your older brother's memories. I was raised in the projects in LA and occasionally had to steal food to survive. The problem with this psychology is that it NEVER leaves you. I am extremely fortunate now with a good education, great house, supportive wife, and I don't miss any meals.
Despite my material success compared to my childhood, it is very hard not to fall back into the fear of doing without from those days. This makes for a real psychological barrier to downsizing. Intelectually it is logical. However, emotionally there is a paranoid fear that you could be thrown back into that poverty.
I hardly moved with anything when I retired. I wanted to start over fresh when I moved from Maryland to Tennessee and that included new furniture. At the time, I had 6 weeks from retirement date to move date. It seemed like a monumental task. I had clothes and shoes I hadn't worn in 20 years, magazine collections and junk I had moved to that apartment from my previous apartment, 12 years before that, that I hadn't touched in those 12 years. I wasn't going to make the same mistake of having the movers bring stuff I hadn't touched to Tennessee. I lived up a flight of stairs and had to get in my car to go to the dumpster. How was I going to get rid of old appliances and electronics and dishes and pots and pans? I couldn't lift them nevermind carry them down a flight of stairs. How many trips up and down those stairs would I have to make if I did it one at a time? As it is I had a computer/printer/scanner/monitor graveyard in my apartment simply because it was hard for me to carry those things down the stairs when I replaced them with newer stuff that had been delivered to my door (meaning I never carried them up the stairs).
I discovered a company called Got Junk and fell in love with it. There are other companies just like it in other states. What a life saver! They came 3 times. I had them come and take my bedroom set and dining room set and the old appliances (vacuums, kitchen appliances like toaster oven, etc.)/electronics first, along with some trash bags of clothes. I finally parted with my hockey stick collection. I slept on the couch and ate in front of the TV for 4 weeks after their first visit. They removed about 70 trash bags worth of junk on that first visit in addition to the things previously mentioned. That left my bedroom as an empty room staging area for packing the things I was taking with me and the dining room area for the things they would pick up on their second visit. Oh yeah, and after I picked through the clothes in my closet, they cleaned out the closets for me. I didn't even have to take the stuff off hangars or put shoes in bags. Same with the junk in my balcony closet. They'll even come and clean out your basement and yard, for you, if you have a house, and you don't have to pack it up, they'll do it. If you are throwing it out, they'll take it away.
On their second visit about a week before I moved they came for everything else I was throwing out. I put the stuff in trash bags or plastic milk cartons and they took it down the stairs and put it on their truck.
On my moving day, they came right before the mover and took out my desk, the TV stand, the sofa I was sitting and sleeping on for 4 weeks, the end tables, the lamps and some last minute discard decisions (like dishes).
After they left and the mover left, Stanley Steamer came and did my carpets with nothing in the apartment. Ater 12 years they looked like new.
Point being, you don't have to do it all yourself. You just have to make the decision about what you will keep. If you are willing to pay, there are companies like Got Junk that will take the physical pain out of what will seem insurmountable to you. They are worth every penny.
My biggest clearout was when I was moving overseas to get married and live in my dh's fully furnished house. So I had to sell or give away most of my household stuff, lots of clothes I never wore, linens, blankets, towels, some of my books (that was hard!), all my furniture, my car.
I hardly moved with anything when I retired. I wanted to start over fresh when I moved from Maryland to Tennessee and that included new furniture. At the time, I had 6 weeks from retirement date to move date. It seemed like a monumental task. I had clothes and shoes I hadn't worn in 20 years, magazine collections and junk I had moved to that apartment from my previous apartment, 12 years before that, that I hadn't touched in those 12 years. I wasn't going to make the same mistake of having the movers bring stuff I hadn't touched to Tennessee. I lived up a flight of stairs and had to get in my car to go to the dumpster. How was I going to get rid of old appliances and electronics and dishes and pots and pans? I couldn't lift them nevermind carry them down a flight of stairs. How many trips up and down those stairs would I have to make if I did it one at a time? As it is I had a computer/printer/scanner/monitor graveyard in my apartment simply because it was hard for me to carry those things down the stairs when I replaced them with newer stuff that had been delivered to my door (meaning I never carried them up the stairs).
I discovered a company called Got Junk and fell in love with it. There are other companies just like it in other states. What a life saver! They came 3 times. I had them come and take my bedroom set and dining room set and the old appliances (vacuums, kitchen appliances like toaster oven, etc.)/electronics first, along with some trash bags of clothes. I finally parted with my hockey stick collection. I slept on the couch and ate in front of the TV for 4 weeks after their first visit. They removed about 70 trash bags worth of junk on that first visit in addition to the things previously mentioned. That left my bedroom as an empty room staging area for packing the things I was taking with me and the dining room area for the things they would pick up on their second visit. Oh yeah, and after I picked through the clothes in my closet, they cleaned out the closets for me. I didn't even have to take the stuff off hangars or put shoes in bags. Same with the junk in my balcony closet. They'll even come and clean out your basement and yard, for you, if you have a house, and you don't have to pack it up, they'll do it. If you are throwing it out, they'll take it away.
On their second visit about a week before I moved they came for everything else I was throwing out. I put the stuff in trash bags or plastic milk cartons and they took it down the stairs and put it on their truck.
On my moving day, they came right before the mover and took out my desk, the TV stand, the sofa I was sitting and sleeping on for 4 weeks, the end tables, the lamps and some last minute discard decisions (like dishes).
After they left and the mover left, Stanley Steamer came and did my carpets with nothing in the apartment. Ater 12 years they looked like new.
Point being, you don't have to do it all yourself. You just have to make the decision about what you will keep. If you are willing to pay, there are companies like Got Junk that will take the physical pain out of what will seem insurmountable to you. They are worth every penny.
Wow, great post, thanks! Can you tell us approx how much it cost for each visit? I wish I had them when my mom moved and after she passed away...the grown kids had to take all the stuff to goodwill, etc. I will never forget those ordeals, and I didn't even do any lifting, just directing. This is a huge lesson for boomers getting older!!!
My grandparents lived in the same house for over 50 years, from the day they got married until they couldn't live on their own anymore. It was a very large house, having been added on to multiple times over the years. I would guess it was probably well over 6000 square feet.
After the house was vacated, my parents did most of the work sorting, boxing for storage and/or discarding the entire contents of the house. It took weeks. My dad would take one truckload and go to the recycler, or DI, and then one truckload to the dump, rinse and repeat ad infinitum.
My point is, if you move, you discard. Its those who stay in the same place after retirement who tend to not go through this process.
For some people, the downsizing or "letting go" is on a different scale than others. My parents are reaching retirement age, and the recently "downsized" into a 3300 square foot house. For me on the other hand, I don't like lots of space or lots of stuff to begin with. If I went through a "letting go" process on the same scale as my parent's was, hubby and I would have 3 books, a computer and a bed in a studio apartment. Like many others on here, my books will be among the very last things I ever part with.
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