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Need some advice from strangers who don't know me and can look at this situation unbiased. I live in a fairly affluent neighborhood in central San Diego. We bought our house 4 years ago. The houses are nearly 30 years old, tract housing in a great school district. We are nearly 20-30 years younger than every neighbor on our block who bought their homes brand new. In fact our next door neighbor was the first buyer in the neighborhood (he's in his 70's). Which brings me to my question. This particular neighbor approached me approx 4 months after we moved in asking for us to pay for half of a new fence that borders our yard. After just spending our young life savings on the down payment and me with no job, I thought it was a bit unfair that this original owner had the nerve to ask me for a couple thousand dollars to replace a 30 year old fence that the previous 2 owners could have helped out with (the fence was leaning at an angle into our yard indicating that the neighbor probably had something up against it for years). Anyways, I asked for an estimate and told him I would talk to the husband to see how much we could pitch in. Since that conversation, he ceased to talk, wave or acknowledge us for a couple of years until one day the fence was torn down without our knowledge and another put up 2 days later. Whatever.
Over the past year this neighbor has continuously had a 4th or 5th car park into our driveway (mind you they are unable to park cars in the garage due to hoarding behavior and have several people living in the house), nearly a foot or 2 of the back trunk clearly into the dip so much so that backing my car out of the garage has become difficult. Instead of being able to back straight out into the street, I have to jocky the car 2 to 3 times out of my own driveway! Most of the time we ignore it, but the neighbor is now taking up more space each time and pushing the limit. Finally approached the neighbor by ringing the doorbell after having enough of it, and one of the occupants claimed his wife parked the car and even admitted she parked in our driveway. Simply asked them to move up as they NEVER park into their own driveway! No big deal. Just move the car. We are polite and as these people live next to us, we don't want to start a war.
Five minutes later, the owner rings our doorbell and starts yelling at us about how the car was only a foot into it and it's ok for us to move around his car, now he's going to park on both sides of our driveway and block us in, blah blah. He's yelling, waving his arms. I told him to stop and that he was being disrespectful of our property, there was no need for him to act like a child (after listening to his tantrum for a few minutes). Expressed that we were neighbors and we weren't trying to be difficult, yada, yada. I pointed out that the week prior I came home from work to find one of their cars completely parked across and blocking my driveway so much so that I was willing to sideswipe my car just to prove a point that he can't keep taking advantage of my property (the keyless entry flashed the lights to show that they "weren't staying long" and that the car might be moved shortly, parked just temporarily). My thoughts are there is something fundamentally wrong with his brain and he probably thinks he owns the entire block because he was the first one in the neighborhood. Maybe he's still pissed that we didn't help with the fence although he never approached us again regarding payment. Maybe his life sucks because he's probably supporting 2 generations who are currently living in his house and have no plans to leave.
My question is: If this happens again, do we politely ask them to move the car again or do we just call a tow truck? My family says, yes, call a truck....I'm thinking that will cause retaliation and a mini-war. Do I call the police to ticket the car? Help!
Before you really start getting into this, tread lightly. This guy sounds like he may be difficult to compromise with.
Absolutely document what is happening by taking pictures (make sure dates are there if not already). Try and avoid talk with them until you have sufficiently documented how many times this happened (maybe over the course of a month as an example)
After the photos, write a letter to the owner explaining the situation and how much distress it has caused you and your family. In the letter DO NOT threaten but simply explain the situation. Make the letter fairly short and to the point (no more than 1 page).
Give them a time frame to resolve the situation and let them know that you have documented all instances of their infringement.
If there is no action taken, recourse will be taken with the city/HOA whatever.
Remember do NOT talk to them about any of it. Let the paper trail do the talking. Respect the process and its VERY likely that his crazy old codger will respect your process and how you are handling it.
I know from personal experience working with our neighborhood group and have had legal counsel on the matter.
Before you really start getting into this, tread lightly. This guy sounds like he may be difficult to compromise with.
Absolutely document what is happening by taking pictures (make sure dates are there if not already). Try and avoid talk with them until you have sufficiently documented how many times this happened (maybe over the course of a month as an example)
After the photos, write a letter to the owner explaining the situation and how much distress it has caused you and your family. In the letter DO NOT threaten but simply explain the situation. Make the letter fairly short and to the point (no more than 1 page).
Give them a time frame to resolve the situation and let them know that you have documented all instances of their infringement.
If there is no action taken, recourse will be taken with the city/HOA whatever.
Remember do NOT talk to them about any of it. Let the paper trail do the talking. Respect the process and its VERY likely that his crazy old codger will respect your process and how you are handling it.
I know from personal experience working with our neighborhood group and have had legal counsel on the matter.
Good luck.
Great thoughts! No, we do not have an HOA, but I will surely document with pics in the future and I have all the dates/times of the occurances (never really thought this guy would lay into us like this after not speaking to us for 3 years). If the problem persists, at least I will have that documentation. I did begin to write a "friendly" letter to him, but hubby says leave it alone for now until something else happens. We have never and would never threaten someone and like to keep the peace, so the tone of any future correspondence would be professional and to the point. I have young kids and need to protect my family so I'm thinking if he has the nerve to knock on my door again with profanity, I will just call the cops. We have family in law enforcement, so we might have to bring their ideas into the process as well.
I would just like to avoid the guy at all costs...no telling if he will retaliate or flip out on us again, but we have to stand up for our rights as property owners and I hate letting crazy old people walk all over me because they think they are entitled. Thanks again for your ideas as you sound like you've had the unfortunate experience of dealing with rude neighbors.
I agree with shmoov...document everything! Pics, dates, times, etc. with a month or so data.
In the meantime, should he approach you on YOUR property and even hint at being aggressive, pull out the cell and dial 911. Protecting your family is the utmost priority. *sigh*, why does every neighborhood seem to have at least one a$$hat who makes the lives of neighbors miserable?
I have not had to deal with this directly but am involved with a community group that helps in resolving matters like this with less than desirable neighbors. Recently, its come to light that someone on our block has been naughty and the neighborhood is going through it as a group right now. Although he doesnt know it yet
The actual offense might be different but the process remains the same. It sounds like you are on the right track with documenting. That is without question your biggest ally if and when it should ever come to a situation where some type of recourse is required.
It sounds 'tough' and it actual isnt. You just really want to be in a position that legally protects you and your family. Of course should it come to that end, then you have all the ammo you need and wont have to go through another year of having to document, record and all that jazz.
There is no question that writing a letter stating the situation is the best and most effective way of getting the point across while creating that paper trail. Its one thing to say "oh we spoke on such and such date" without any documentation. Having a letter basically giving a summary of what is going on gives everyone a chance to sort of have a middle ground to respond.
There is a fine line when it comes to neighbors and being respectful of private property. I am not advocating suing someone by any means, but you have to think of the end game when all avenues have been taken. Sometimes it does mean you have to but its the absolute last resort.
Anyone coming over your house and knocking and cursing for such trivial matters is simply inexcusable in my book. This is something not unique to slums or affluent areas. These types of neighbors exist anywhere and I am sorry you have to deal with it.
I agree with your husband for the most part, but on the other hand, he might not be there receiving the knocks on the door or idle threats from the neighbor.
So long as you know the law is on your side and its always your Ace in the back pocket, you will be fine
If anything, this might be a matter of small claims.
Of course you'll still have to convince the nasty neighbor to participate, but maybe if it is explained to him that he has to choose between mediation and having his car towed, he'll see the light. Maybe.
What a nightmare situation. I had a very close friend a few years ago that had a similar type problem with his neighbor. But it got SO bad that he had to sell his house and move (as did a few other neighbors). After seeing him deal with this first hand I'm going to give you my unbiased advice.
As mentioned, DOCUMENT everything. So much so I'd recommend buying one of those motion sensor video cameras that record everything. I'd point it out to your driveway and maybe in your yard as well. This guy sounds like he has some mental issues and he might not be "all there". This will be your best defense in the event that this really escalates.
With my friend, it started out small like this but it quickly escalated. Like your neighbor, the guy was older and lived there for a long time. The thing with these types of people is they are BORED, they have nothing to do with their time but create problems for you. You are probably younger, busier, working, etc. But this old, stubborn man will make it his life's mission to annoy you until you move.
With my friend it got so bad that in the middle of the night he would get bags of dog crap thrown at his door. His tires in his cars would get flat tires as their neighbor would put nails all over his driveway and even in the street! Once he knew there was a video camera up, he got vicious and sneaky and could easily bypass the video cameras.
My friend loved his house but ultimately he had to end up selling it and moving. His life became a living hell and he had a child and it was impossible to raise a kid in that kind of environment.
Odds are this guy is going no where. And don't think just because he is 70 he will be gone soon. Some of these old-timers live to be 90 and will be a major pain in the rear for decades!
After seeing what my friend went through I'd say not to go the route they did. Typically I'd say follow the advice that people are saying to not talk to them, etc. I do NOT think that is the approach to take if you want to live here.
My advice would be to do the following. Buy a nice bottle of wine or maybe something else that you know the neighbor likes. Swallow your pride a bit. I know it's NOT your fault but just swallow your pride and take over a nice gift like that or box of chocolates or whatever.
I know this sounds crazy but I have a LOT of experience with difficult neighbors.
Go over calmly and just apologize. (I know you think I'm crazy). But just do it. Just apologize and say that you're sorry if you over-reacted about the car but explain your situation and ask if they can be more aware of it. Explain that you really love the neighborhood, your house and you really want to work things out. Offer the gift and "olive branch" and be the bigger person.
I can tell you that this works more times then "talk to my attorney". Difficult, stubborn people react much better to these types of things. Trust me. I've purchased hundreds of properties in the past and dealt with MANY difficult neighbors and this approach has almost always worked for me. Heck, in many properties the people even become really friendly and went the extra mile to watch out for the property.
Things in this type of situation can escalate quickly and get very very bitter. So rather than some of this advice just based on my experience with VERY difficult neighbors, I'd say taking the approach above might work better. If that still doesn't work then you can try some of the other approaches.
^^ this is great advice and with lots of experience. Kill the guy with kindness is a great tactic but not sure if that bridge has been crossed already based on your posts?
Plan for the worst , hope for the best. If the olive branch doesn't work, then you have the tools to move forward
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