I have a major dilemma and it is taking it's toll on me. (Sarasota: hotel, living in)

[YeahMon]

The only replies I got back that weren't anti-anything I said, were from mr&mrssunshine, kbuild, and ladywithafan. KEVIN&SARAH2 came close, but since he isn't facing a dilemma, his answer fell to one side too.

I don't need a minister or counselor. They are no different than talking to you guys.


Maybe I was a bit vague in my OP, but I intended to ask for ideas on how I might persuade her to change her mind.

This is one of those damned if I do, damned if I don't deals.

[ZaraZoteBuccaneer]

I'm surprised to read your post and it's hitting home for me. I know what it feels like to be called somewhere. Read my thread. I'm looking for increased happiness myself only I have a wife who is begging to leave. But she wasn't begging for Florida.... so I get your predicament.

I love my wife and I want her to feel "heard" all the time. I spend countless hours talking with her and listening and I think this is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Maybe some of this is better intended for the relationship forum but when the two are actually doing everythinig together then you truly become one person in everything including ambitions. You are feeling yourself pulling away from her. You are starting to soul search and finding Florida fits you. There's nothing wrong with that and maybe you are meant to be there someday. But how you handle getting there will deeply affect who you will become.

Don't choose this as the way of getting there (by settling for an ultimatum being thrown at you and storming off on your own. Make a decision to stay with your family. I have no respect for people who do not respect their commitment for marriage. I personally think your situation can be resolved and that once you and your wife become closer, she'll follow you. A wife who is elevated will always submit. It's the natural way of things

[YeahMon]

Let me add this. My oldest is from my previous marriage, and I have custody. She is 11. She wants to go. My youngest is 10 months old. She doesn't know what state she lives in anyway, so she won't care either way.

This is all about my stubborn wife. And the way the law works, it will usually side with the mother on any decision regarding a child.

[YeahMon]

Originally Posted by ZaraZoteBuccaneer

I'm surprised to read your post and it's hitting home for me. I know what it feels like to be called somewhere. Read my thread. I'm looking for increased happiness myself only I have a wife who is begging to leave. But she wasn't begging for Florida.... so I get your predicament.

I love my wife and I want her to feel "heard" all the time. I spend countless hours talking with her and listening and I think this is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Maybe some of this is better intended for the relationship forum but when the two are actually doing everythinig together then you truly become one person in everything including ambitions. You are feeling yourself pulling away from her. You are starting to soul search and finding Florida fits you. There's nothing wrong with that and maybe you are meant to be there someday. But how you handle getting there will deeply affect who you will become.

Don't choose this as the way of getting there (by settling for an ultimatum being thrown at you and storming off on your own. Make a decision to stay with your family. I have no respect for people who do not respect their commitment for marriage. I personally think your situation can be resolved and that once you and your wife become closer, she'll follow you. A wife who is elevated will always submit. It's the natural way of things

For this post, I salute you.

I think you understand what I meant in my OP.

Thank you for your input.

[ZaraZoteBuccaneer]

Originally Posted by DixonCox

Let me add this. ...
This is all about my stubborn wife...

Ok this is the "elevation" I was talking about. Be the bigger person, look forward to your ideal perfect way of making this possible and then don't settle for anything less than that. With a whole lot of patience, a huge amount of humility, some hevenly guidance and lot and lots of love towards your kids, you will get there. Just start your first step toward Florida with the words "Honey, I'm sorry and I love you" It will be a long journey from that point on..... but it can happen. Any other road will not be fun to take. Trust me dude.

[culturedmom]

Dixon, I am sorry you are so unhappy. There is nothing worse then being discontent in ones skin. But I think you should rethink your defensiveness. Yes some people here have been a bit harsh, but as they say, the truth hurts, even if it is only their truth. I've moved around quite a bit. Grew up in SoFl, lived in North Florida, Arkansas, Arizona, Virginia, and now I'm back in Florida. The one thing I learned was that the one constant is family. I know you feel like you would be happy in Florida, but happiness is not a place or a thing or, in your case, the weather. And I think that is what everyone has tried to convey to you, wether it be through harsh words or with sympathy.

The truth is, you are a parent. That is your primary responsability. You need to work on finding happiness with what you ahve and who you are with.

G-d Bless and I hope you make the mature and right decision.

[ZaraZoteBuccaneer]

Originally Posted by DixonCox

For this post, I salute you.

I think you understand what I meant in my OP.

Thank you for your input.

Thanks to you too. You're going to be fine. DM me sometime. I don't know much about you but I think this is totally possible for you. Just maybe not in the timeframe you would prefer. I know alot about wrong timeframes. My thread sayes it all....

[YeahMon]

Originally Posted by culturedmom

Dixon, I am sorry you are so unhappy. There is nothing worse then being discontent in ones skin. But I think you should rethink your defensiveness. Yes some people here have been a bit harsh, but as they say, the truth hurts, even if it is only their truth. I've moved around quite a bit. Grew up in SoFl, lived in North Florida, Arkansas, Arizona, Virginia, and now I'm back in Florida. The one thing I learned was that the one constant is family. I know you feel like you would be happy in Florida, but happiness is not a place or a thing or, in your case, the weather. And I think that is what everyone has tried to convey to you, wether it be through harsh words or with sympathy.

The truth is, you are a parent. That is your primary responsability. You need to work on finding happiness with what you ahve and who you are with.

G-d Bless and I hope you make the mature and right decision.

Thanks.

There was no truth to some of the remarks. Just hate and misunderstanding. I wasn't looking for sympathy by unloading my feelings on here - just someone to talk to about it. Not to be called a bad dad, or a rotten husband. I can take the heat, but I have to have done something to deserve it. Not post a hypothetical situation on a message board only to be bombarded by accusations.

[KEVINandSARAH2]

Originally Posted by DixonCox

You are missing it. Please remove yourself from my discussion.

I fell real bad about what your dealing with I have no respect for any one who would choose there own happyness over your 10 month old do the right thing and revive your family and i'm sure your wife will come some day maybe i'm harsh that way i know what it's like when a dad notice is said dad not FATHER picks his selfish reasons over his family is it worth your family for some fun in the sun if you say yes then there better off with out you

[YeahMon]

Originally Posted by KEVINandSARAH2

I fell real bad about what your dealing with I have no respect for any one who would choose there own happyness over your 10 month old do the right thing and revive your family and i'm sure your wife will come some day maybe i'm harsh that way i know what it's like when a dad notice is said dad not FATHER picks his selfish reasons over his family is it worth your family for some fun in the sun if you say yes then there better off with out you

I have no respect for people who write a giant run-on sentence full of grammatical errors. Especially in a day and age of spell checkers.