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My xhusband & I moved to Bradenton back in 1991. We both loved the water/beach/warm climate. However, I always felt due to my love for him, I would have moved anywhere because it really doesn't matter where you live if you're with the one you love & they feel the same. And, I would still stand by that thought.
We lived in Morgantown, WV prior to FL. He was originally from Long Island & me from Detroit. I've lived in NYC prior to WV & FL...being adventuresome at heart, I'm one to try anywhere, it just happened to turn out at this point to be FL. I've been in Florida now for 19 years..OMG!
Not sure where else to be at the moment as the rest of the U.S. isn't doing a whole lot better.
I enjoy Sarasota tremendously. I focus on attending a wide range of functions to keep myself amused here. Everyone has this mindset that it's totally seniors. NOT TRUE. I have a lot of events come to me by way of my facebook groups. It's a great place to raise a family as well. There's tons of family activities going on all over the county as well.....
There's many a person who've uprooted themselves from somewhere else & made their way in Florida; good luck!
First of all, have your thought of the legal repercussions of your leaving alone? That is considered Abandonment. You will not only be abandoning your wife in the marriage, but your children as well. You also could not take one of them with you. She could have you arrested for that. That is abduction. Something to think about.
You say you feel trapped with the cold weather in Indiana. How does your wife feel about the cold? Does she prefer cooler weather? You didn't mention that because if she doesn't like hot humid weather year round, SHE is one who is going to feel trapped inside. It won't be just the few months of winter up north as you feel, but year round of hot weather in Florida. If that is the case, you will be going out with the kids all alone while she is "stuck" inside in AC.
You say that the neighbors are talking to her. Again, bad situation. Nobody should be talked into something they don't want to do. Even if she does go along with it, if it is not what she really wants, it is only a matter of time before she will regret it.
Your children are young. Stay with them while they are young. They grow up very quickly. Vacation here all you want in the meantime. With that you will be able to see how your wife really feels about Florida. Talk to her about in the intervening years. I would put off making any decisions until your kids are grown up. That may sound like a long time to you, but believe me it happens in the blink of an eye. I know a lot of people are saying she should be the one compromising, but the top priority right now should not be you or your wife but you kids. Do what is best for THEM right now. Your needs and wants can wait.
First of all, have your thought of the legal repercussions of your leaving alone? That is considered Abandonment. You will not only be abandoning your wife in the marriage, but your children as well. You also could not take one of them with you. She could have you arrested for that. That is abduction. Something to think about.
You say you feel trapped with the cold weather in Indiana. How does your wife feel about the cold? Does she prefer cooler weather? You didn't mention that because if she doesn't like hot humid weather year round, SHE is one who is going to feel trapped inside. It won't be just the few months of winter up north as you feel, but year round of hot weather in Florida. If that is the case, you will be going out with the kids all alone while she is "stuck" inside in AC.
You say that the neighbors are talking to her. Again, bad situation. Nobody should be talked into something they don't want to do. Even if she does go along with it, if it is not what she really wants, it is only a matter of time before she will regret it.
Your children are young. Stay with them while they are young. They grow up very quickly. Vacation here all you want in the meantime. With that you will be able to see how your wife really feels about Florida. Talk to her about in the intervening years. I would put off making any decisions until your kids are grown up. That may sound like a long time to you, but believe me it happens in the blink of an eye. I know a lot of people are saying she should be the one compromising, but the top priority right now should not be you or your wife but you kids. Do what is best for THEM right now. Your needs and wants can wait.
There would be no legal-repercussions, as I am the guardian of my oldest daughter. My wife is not her mother. That is not abandonment. Our summers in Indiana, are just as hot as they are in Florida. My wife has no problems here. There is this myth that it is 100 times worse, but in fact, I think it is actually worse here. We not only have extreme humidity, but we get the heat, the bugs, and no coastal breeze.
The neighbors used to live in Florida. They are not trying to talk her into it, only listening to both sides, neutrally. They don't tell me to do anything either. They just listen, and offer advice if asked for it.
If I wait until my children are grown, I will be nearly 60 years old (if I make it that long) and ready to croak. I want to enjoy Florida while I am still young. And there are young children in Florida too. A few more won't make the state sink.
Have you talked to your wife's parents about this? I ask because my husband and I have talked about moving to FL for probably the last 10 years ourselves (he's originally from there) but I haven't wanted to take my son away from my parents because they're so close. However, my mom and dad have told me if we want to move to FL we need to at least try it (it doesn't hurt that they may one day move down there too if we did).
My dad would be the first to tell me that I need to be with my husband and family (not that I can't make decisions for myself but well, I am the only girl and very close to my parents) if you did decide to leave and your wife decided to not budge and stay (for whatever her reasons were) her parents/other family members would be the ones left to pick up the pieces if you did leave. Maybe if you explained your point of view to them (how miserable you are there, your SAD/Chrohn's, etc.) they would understand and try to persuade her as well.
Well just a thought whatever it's worth. We're in the opposite position, we both want to go but we're in a lease until next April and would need to find jobs first. I hope it works out for you, I think she's just not thinking this through and is hoping to bury her head in the sand, but if she really loves you and wants her family (immediate not parents, siblings, etc.) to stay together, I don't see how she could not say she would at least try it.
There would be no legal-repercussions, as I am the guardian of my oldest daughter. My wife is not her mother. That is not abandonment. Our summers in Indiana, are just as hot as they are in Florida. My wife has no problems here. There is this myth that it is 100 times worse, but in fact, I think it is actually worse here. We not only have extreme humidity, but we get the heat, the bugs, and no coastal breeze.
The neighbors used to live in Florida. They are not trying to talk her into it, only listening to both sides, neutrally. They don't tell me to do anything either. They just listen, and offer advice if asked for it.
If I wait until my children are grown, I will be nearly 60 years old (if I make it that long) and ready to croak. I want to enjoy Florida while I am still young. And there are young children in Florida too. A few more won't make the state sink.
with my uncle's family to escape the NYC summers, before home AC. Florida summers are a lot hotter, day by day, month after month. Be that as it may, if you have a biological child with your wife, that would still be abandonment, for both that child AND HER, if you just left them. You can consult a divorce attorney on that if you wish. It might be a good thing anyway.
Since I am coming to this with more of your wife's attitude, it might be worth it for her to post on here and give her views. My two biggest reasons for wanting to leave Florida are the weather and my family, this time my kids. I came long time ago for a BF who lived here. I only came for him. It didn't work because I couldn't take the weather and I then missed my parents. Basically, I am now in the same situation only with a husband of 35 years and grown up children living 1,500 miles away. My husband was out of work and got a job in Florida. He would have moved anywhere that gave him a job. I had a job where we were. I stayed in NY while my younger daughter went to college. When she graduated and I was supposed to move here, I fought it. I did not want to come back. I agree to by rationalized that I could "tolerate Florida by ignoring it". In the two years I have been there this time I have found that is impossible. You either embrace it and love it, or you will hate it and HIBERNATE. Just as you say you hate and hibernate in the winter in Indiana, I hate and hibernate in Florida. I do almost nothing outside with my husband. I stay home because with my SUMMER SAD (yes there is a reverse SAD), I break out in hives and a panic in the sun and heat. Fall and Winter sends me into a depression because I want the colder seasons and I am stuck with more SUMMER.
Missing family? I am on the first plane I can get on to go back all the time. My husband has been saying that I am spending more time there than here. Just as I missed my parents when I was young and single, and I never knew how much until I moved away, I now miss my kids.
I worked with a little boy from Michigan last year in school here who was placed in a special class because he was "acting out". He came to me last year, and opened up. He missed Michigan and his grandparents. He told me he missed in playing the the Fall leaves, sledding down snow covered hills, fishing with Grandpa, etc., etc. He went back to their house in Michigan every Christmas break. His Grandparents came to Florida over summer vacation, but for him it wasn't enough. I told him that he just had to make the best of it. If he felt the same way when he finished school, he could then move back to Michigan. He had tears in his eyes when he said, "That is an eternity". Is it an eternity for you too? Will it be for your child, and you wife too? I know 2 years here is an eternity for me. I am the 60 years old you talked about. I have less of an "eternity" that you, your wife, your child, or that little boy.
I compromised for my husband of 35 years to come here, but as that old saying goes, nobody else can make you happy BUT YOURSELF. I cannot be happy missing my family, my blood, or be happy not wanting to step ourside my door in the hot, humid Florida sun. If anybody cannot understand what that is like, just try to think how you felt like stepping outside in the dark, cold, snowy north. I live that 12 months of the year.
Good luck to you and your family. This is something you really need to talk a long time about. Been there, done that.
I figured there would be a story on the other side of the tracks.
You have lived in multiple places.
I have lived in the same town for 40 years. Nowhere else.
I would like to try something different.
Well, I lived in Indiana all my life too, 34 years. Grumbled about "small town life" & the cold winters, etc... Spent years vacationing in Florida & like many, always dreamed how great it would be to live there. Well, 2 years ago, we did just that- moved to Florida. I cannot tell you how terribly I miss Indiana. The grass isn't always greener, trust me. I don't hate Florida but moving away made me realize Indiana was pretty good to me. My family is still in Indiana & I miss them so much. It's common to want to get out & experience other places, I understand that.. but moving won't solve many problems (many think it will make everything all better...) And honestly, I can imagine leaving your wife & children for it. If you love Florida so much, spend summers & vacations here. Vacationing here & living here are 2 entirely different experiences. I think you will realize quickly that no place is perfect, even Florida.
And trust me, the summers in Indiana are NOT just like Florida.. don't kid yourself. I just spent the summer back in Indiana & it was lovely. Coming back to Florida last week was a big adjustment. As far as summer bugs go, Indiana bugs are laughable compared to the ones we have here. They grow em big & strange here in Florida.
With all that being said, as much as I would love to move back to Indiana, I would stay in Florida if my husband & kids would prefer it...I know my husband would do the same for me too. If I begged him to move back to Indiana, he would for me, even if it's not what he really wants. But hell, I'd live in a hut in the jungles of Guam if it meant being with my kids & hubby. It's a decision that's not all about you... you, your wife & your kids are all a team. I'd sacrifice my wants & needs to see that the rest of my family is happy in a heartbeat. But that's just me...
Last edited by PixiStix; 08-22-2009 at 08:05 AM..
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I spent my summers as a child in Hammond
