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The biggest discriminators I have run into with my 12 year old son who has ADHD and AS is from my own family, most of whom think I spoil him and that's why he acts as he does.
Yes, people who don't believe in AS and ADHD are a pain. I have both disorders and was raised by parents who didn't understand and just didn't like me because I wasn't like them. Of course I am 53, so AS wasn't a known disorder then.
I teach in a private school for students with disabilities and this year I took my son out of an AS classroom in public school and enrolled him in the school I teach in. The difference is striking. Although the public school treated him very well and he was doing well in the school, the ability to get to know peers in a small setting has made him into a very happy camper and very accepting of himself and others. The social aspect is difficult to control in a public school setting. With under 50 students in our school, most of whom have disabilities themselves, and the openness with which our students and staff discuss difficulties with learning and social situations, my son has bloomed. All our students love coming to school because it is a place where they are accepted as themselves.
I recommend openness about their learning difficulties and differences. When children see you are honest and accepting of them they learn they are good people, even if other people may look at them funny. My husband and I have always been open about the disabilities we have in our family and my son isn't bothered by feelings of inadequacy, as I have always been because I knew my parents themselves didn't accept me.
Besides all this, AS kids tend to have a terrific sense of humor and a very creative side that other, non-AS kids don't have. Build on their strengths!
I totally agree! We found our son gets along better with people either 2 years or more younger and the same older. Ooops gotta go, wife calling about candle wax on the table runner.....
The biggest discriminators I have run into with my 12 year old son who has ADHD and AS is from my own family, most of whom think I spoil him and that's why he acts as he does.
Yes, people who don't believe in AS and ADHD are a pain. I have both disorders and was raised by parents who didn't understand and just didn't like me because I wasn't like them. Of course I am 53, so AS wasn't a known disorder then.
I teach in a private school for students with disabilities and this year I took my son out of an AS classroom in public school and enrolled him in the school I teach in. The difference is striking. Although the public school treated him very well and he was doing well in the school, the ability to get to know peers in a small setting has made him into a very happy camper and very accepting of himself and others. The social aspect is difficult to control in a public school setting. With under 50 students in our school, most of whom have disabilities themselves, and the openness with which our students and staff discuss difficulties with learning and social situations, my son has bloomed. All our students love coming to school because it is a place where they are accepted as themselves.
I recommend openness about their learning difficulties and differences. When children see you are honest and accepting of them they learn they are good people, even if other people may look at them funny. My husband and I have always been open about the disabilities we have in our family and my son isn't bothered by feelings of inadequacy, as I have always been because I knew my parents themselves didn't accept me.
Besides all this, AS kids tend to have a terrific sense of humor and a very creative side that other, non-AS kids don't have. Build on their strengths!
The above could have been written by me, except that I haven't put my son in a school for kids like him. I'm thinking about it though.
My husband (my son's stepfather) doesn't understand AS. He thinks I spoil my son. It can be very exhausting constantly trying to explain to people my son's behaviors. He appears to be very intelligent, so they think he is just being difficult.
The other day, at soccer practice, the coach thought he was being stubborn and made him run around the field twice. I felt really bad for him. The coach wouldn't let him explain. I didn't let him run. I took him home. He had gone into meltdown by that point anyways.
I have a son with AS and the worst part is that he watches kids play but cannot/will not join them. They do not invite him nor does he know how to get invited, though his teachers are working with his social skills.
He is the sweetest, kindest child, like many AS kids. But he cannot relate to his peers and is always afraid of 'being crushed' by someone because he may say the wrong thing so he would rather stay alone then speak to them.
My husband and I recently founded a AS support group here in Central VT/Western NH. I urge you parents (or older people with AS) to find a support group. If the OP lives in Philly, he or she can find a group to help him.
No one is alone...we're all in this together as parents.
PS We have no family support either. They do not think anything is wrong with our son or if there is 'it's our fault...'
I have a son with AS and the worst part is that he watches kids play but cannot/will not join them. They do not invite him nor does he know how to get invited, though his teachers are working with his social skills.
He is the sweetest, kindest child, like many AS kids. But he cannot relate to his peers and is always afraid of 'being crushed' by someone because he may say the wrong thing so he would rather stay alone then speak to them.
My husband and I recently founded a AS support group here in Central VT/Western NH. I urge you parents (or older people with AS) to find a support group. If the OP lives in Philly, he or she can find a group to help him.
No one is alone...we're all in this together as parents.
PS We have no family support either. They do not think anything is wrong with our son or if there is 'it's our fault...'
I can relate, our son went through the same things and kind of still does at 17. Unfortunately our sweet kind child pretty much had all that beat out of him by the time he was 14 or 15 so we're having to try and put him back in touch with that kind, trusting side.
That's one big reason I wished we'd home schooled him, school really ruined him in my opinon.
I can relate, our son went through the same things and kind of still does at 17. Unfortunately our sweet kind child pretty much had all that beat out of him by the time he was 14 or 15 so we're having to try and put him back in touch with that kind, trusting side.
That's one big reason I wished we'd home schooled him, school really ruined him in my opinon.
Yep, that is what I am afraid of. I think if it got that bad, I would home school him. Good luck with your child. I think he will be okay.
I can relate, our son went through the same things and kind of still does at 17. Unfortunately our sweet kind child pretty much had all that beat out of him by the time he was 14 or 15 so we're having to try and put him back in touch with that kind, trusting side.
That's one big reason I wished we'd home schooled him, school really ruined him in my opinon.
Ours is in Elementary school in a special education program designed for kids like ours. When Middle School starts we're probably going to home school him for the exact reason you just posted. I seriously cannot see my AS children in the teen scene. He's way to behind for that and far too naive about how things are, nor does he "get it" very easily.
Like Gypsy's child, mine tend to prefer to stay at home and avoid interacting with peers at all. As the peers get older, they get more intimidating and I hear more and more how they wish they could still be little when everyone just got along unconditionally. Sad.
I can relate, our son went through the same things and kind of still does at 17. Unfortunately our sweet kind child pretty much had all that beat out of him by the time he was 14 or 15 so we're having to try and put him back in touch with that kind, trusting side.
That's one big reason I wished we'd home schooled him, school really ruined him in my opinon.
That was my experience too. High school was terrible for my son. I didn't realize how bad it was until after he graduated and started telling me some of the things that had happened.
My son's psychiatrist, who knows more about Asperger's kids than anyone I've ever met, and works almost exclusively with autistic children, said that a large percentage of his Asperger boys are into video games. This has to do with their motor skills as well as the way they process information. They like these games because they're concrete and do not require abstract thinking. I have the same problem with my son.
The above could have been written by me, except that I haven't put my son in a school for kids like him. I'm thinking about it though.
My husband (my son's stepfather) doesn't understand AS. He thinks I spoil my son. It can be very exhausting constantly trying to explain to people my son's behaviors. He appears to be very intelligent, so they think he is just being difficult.
The other day, at soccer practice, the coach thought he was being stubborn and made him run around the field twice. I felt really bad for him. The coach wouldn't let him explain. I didn't let him run. I took him home. He had gone into meltdown by that point anyways.
A have a suggestion: Find a book about Aspergers that explains the symptoms pretty simply, copy the pertinent pages, and give them to anyone who treats your son like that. I don't mean to say be oppositional, approach them with the idea that you are helping them to understand how to work with your son. "I found this information about autism, and I thought you might like to learn more about why these kids act like they do. It might help my son do better in your class." Something like that. Most teachers are genuinely concerned with teaching students and they will respond to something that will help them do this. Always advocate for your son in a non-threatening manner and with information from learned sources as your shield. My heart aches for these children who are made to feel they're not as good as other kids. We need to stand up for them.
I've been on these boards before, but I've never been to this one. I'm so glad to see other parents of AS kids like me. Sometimes, I feel so alone, most people have never even heard of Aspergers.
My 9 year old has Asperger's and I've had a lot of people mumble under their breath about him. Like most parents, I realized something was "off" about him at a young age. He wasn't diagnosed until last year mostly due to me being his biggest advocate and insisting that he wasn't just ADD. Now that I know his condition, we work with it. We were truly blessed with a wonderful teacher this year who is completely understanding and keeps him in check. We still have a long road ahead of us, but we're getting there.
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