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It's her mom's money. Maybe her mom thinks 30k on a big wedding in town where all her friends can come is worth it, but 10k to travel someplace and not get to have a big local wedding is NOT worth it?
We all value things differently. It's not an unemotional, dollars and cents thing.
That's fine.
What is not fine is how many people on this thread want to demonize the OP for expressing a preference about her wedding to her mom.
I actually don't find this a slap in the face. When you ask somebody to go to a destination you are asking each person to spend 1k+ on travel and all accomodations. It's just not cool to assume that they will be willing to do that AND finance the wedding. Lots of people have small weddings, and then followed by after wedding parties for people who can't go.
Um, so all your friends have their weddings in YOUR town and at your convenience?
Are you aware that a flight to Montana costs more than a flight to Hawaii or the Carib?
No. I do get it. CPGs point about destination weddings is good advice for the general public, but it can't be applied universally.
You are ASSUMING that the OP has no idea if her guests can afford travel expenses or how they feel about it. Perhaps she has information you don't have and thinks a destination wedding is a good fit for them.
There are destination weddings where guests are inconvenienced because they don't have the time or money. Of course, they can decline to go.
There are also destination weddings where the guests are thrilled because they have the time and money and really want to go on the trip.
None of you has the slightest idea which category the OPs guests fall into.
You missed the point, AGAIN, even though I highlighted it!
Here is what cpg said that you need to hear: The point is that you're asking her to not only write the check, but to pay for something that she fundamentally disagrees with.
Nobody is "demonizing" the OP, we are simply pointing out the reality of the situation for her.
I have made NO mention of guests and have no idea what you are yammering about above
Last edited by lovesMountains; 04-22-2011 at 10:02 AM..
Reason: spelling!
You are ASSUMING that the OP has no idea if her guests can afford travel expenses or how they feel about it. Perhaps she has information you don't have and thinks a destination wedding is a good fit for them.
None of you has the slightest idea which category the OPs guests fall into.
My fiances mom told her brother, and sister the day we told her...they were all ready to go! In fact, my fiances uncle already has a place for most of them to stay at! My 3 friends want to go and def promised to me that they would be there.. my sister doesn't seem too thrilled b/c she's single and has no one to hang out and meet guys with! (thats what she said).. My parents already don't really think of it as good too. BUT if things change and no one can afford it, I'm sure me and my fiance can do it without bridesmaids/groomsmen. I bet that I'm going to get married in the USVI with just me, my friends, fiance and his family...I can see it. But if that does happen, I'll be happy no matter what
You missed the point, AGAIN, even though I highlighted it!
Here is what cpg said that you need to hear: The point is that you're asking her to not only write the check, but to pay for something that she fundamentally disagrees with.
Nobody is "demonizing" the OP, we are simply pointing out the reality of the situation for her.
I have made NO mention of guests and have no idea what you are yammering about above
You keep talking about the OP EXPECTING her mom to pay, when all she has done is tell her mom what her preference is. She has stated that she will pay for it herself if mom won't agree.
I can't count the lectures the OP has been given about "expecting" her mom to pay a huge amount.
And you have not even once talked about her mom's self-centeredness. Not once.
LovesMountains, you told me to read what CPG said. CPG talked about guests being inconvenienced by travel costs for a destination wedding.
That's what I am "yammering" about. Why would you tell me to read CPGs post and not even know what CPG wrote?
Last edited by Shooting Stars; 04-22-2011 at 10:28 AM..
That's the problem with destination weddings, after all. If you have it in Hawaii or Italy or the Virgin Islands, you're not only asking people to spend a lot more money to attend than if you had it in your home town, but you're also essentially telling them where and when they are going to be taking their vacation. After all, you can fly anywhere in the continental United States for a three-day weekend. But once you start asking people to go overseas, it becomes an entirely different kettle of fish in terms of inconvenience. I mean, heck, only 30% of Americans even have passports. So you're telling them to go through a major pain in the ass before they even step on the plane.
You keep talking about the OP EXPECTING her mom to pay, when all she has done is tell her mom what her preference is. She has stated that she will pay for it herself if mom won't agree.
I can't count the lectures the OP has been given about "expecting" her mom to pay a huge amount.
And you have not even once talked about her mom's self-centeredness. Not once.
LovesMountains, you told me to read what CPG said. CPG talked about guests being inconvenienced by travel costs for a destination wedding.
That's what I am "yammering" about. Why would you tell me to read CPGs post and not even know what CPG wrote?
I highlighted the part of his post the you needed to "get", though his point about weddings being a milestone in families was very good too. You really cannot underestimate what he wrote: The point is that you're asking her to not only write the check, but to pay for something that she fundamentally disagrees with
Whether or not mom is self-centered is beside the point.
In fact, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything.
It's mom's money, mom gets to say how it will be spent.
Our OP gets sayso when she has her own money.
Since she's already stated she will save and pay for the event herself, there is no reason to continue being all up in arms about her mom
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