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I will never understand the need to go into debt to get married or spending thousands of dollars for a wedding. 26,000 for a wedding or 5,000 that would be a nice trip on a world cruise with lush accommodation
I'm getting married in 2015. If people I invite, don't come because they can't afford a gift AND the cost associated with attending, they don't know me. I'd rather have your presence than your presents. If you can't afford either, then politely decline. Making disparaging remarks about the betrothed is uncalled for.
I also don't understand why I have to buy people shower gifts & give a money gift at the wedding. I feel it's outrageous. I'm getting married in a month, with a small wedding (25 people). My mom wanted to throw me a shower, & I refused. The people who are coming, I'm assuming will be giving some kind of gift...so why hold a party requiring them to give me more gifts? Can someone explain this to me?
I also don't understand why I have to buy people shower gifts & give a money gift at the wedding. I feel it's outrageous. I'm getting married in a month, with a small wedding (25 people). My mom wanted to throw me a shower, & I refused. The people who are coming, I'm assuming will be giving some kind of gift...so why hold a party requiring them to give me more gifts? Can someone explain this to me?
I feel the same as you. My future MIL insisted on having an engagement brunch that we wanted no part of. SO conceded, only if it was immediate family, so in the end, it wasn't unlike all of us getting together for a regular visit anyway, where all the attention was on our baby nephew anyway. But we did not want extended family and friends invited to a gathering we really didn't want and don't believe in, because most events feel like a gift grab and there's no need to have multiple occasions to honour someone's wedding. IMO it's so over-the-top.
I think tradition is why people want to have showers, the difference being that back in the day, a toaster or an iron was a wedding gift, whereas now they'd be "part" of a shower gift.
(As an aside, traditionally the mother of the bride shouldn't host a shower because that is definitely seen as a gift-grab. Usually that would fall to bridesmaids or an aunt to host and moms and sisters can "help".)
When the shower thing started, it was basically women leaving their parent's homes to marry and set up a house. They didn't have anything at all, so guests would get together and shower the bride with small things. Common gifts were a set of mixing bowls or some tea towels and dish cloths, measuring cups and spoons -- small kitchen things -- and the gifts themselves were worth small amounts of money.
But if you had to buy everything at once to outfit a working kitchen, it would be a lot of money.
And wedding gifts were more expensive.
BUT -- today, most women have already set up their kitchens and showers have become much bigger deals. Back when I worked at the bank, shower gifts for one bride were Waterford Crystal pieces in $200 range and her wedding gifts were in the $500 range.
When the shower thing started, it was basically women leaving their parent's homes to marry and set up a house. They didn't have anything at all, so guests would get together and shower the bride with small things. Common gifts were a set of mixing bowls or some tea towels and dish cloths, measuring cups and spoons -- small kitchen things -- and the gifts themselves were worth small amounts of money.
And now its mostly just a bunch of stuff that they really don't need since a lot of people are already out of their parents' house when they get married. I'm going to a shower in a few weeks, and when I looked up the bride's registry it was really just a bunch of junk. I'm having a hard time deciding what to get, because I want to get her something nice but its hard to do when her registry is Duck Dynasty merchandise and DVDs of cartoon shows. Her registry reads like a 14 year old's Christmas list, which just makes the shower of a well off 30 year old seem like a pointless gift grab.
And now its mostly just a bunch of stuff that they really don't need since a lot of people are already out of their parents' house when they get married. I'm going to a shower in a few weeks, and when I looked up the bride's registry it was really just a bunch of junk. I'm having a hard time deciding what to get, because I want to get her something nice but its hard to do when her registry is Duck Dynasty merchandise and DVDs of cartoon shows. Her registry reads like a 14 year old's Christmas list, which just makes the shower of a well off 30 year old seem like a pointless gift grab.
Wow, seriously? I agree, looks like a gift grab to me.
Not always. In certain cases, I'd rather save the cash. Attending a wedding sometimes has more costs than benefits. When I am invited to wedding, I assess the costs vs. benefits to me. I skip more weddings than I actually attend and it doesn't hurt the personal relationships.
For my H and I, weddings cost around $1500 to attend after airfare and hotel. We've been to so many this year. It's slowing down.
Don't get me wrong though, I love them!
I think those hosting the wedding need to remember the great sacrifice their guests make, and in turn be good hosts. People cut so many corners so they can invite more people, and the only ones who suffer are their guests who traveled so far for their 5 hour event.
By "poorly hosted" I mean truly cutting big corners. I don't think I need to list them.
But if the wedding is local, then you have to subtract $300 from the amount above and the wedding becomes a more manageable $239. I would only travel to a wedding somewhere and stay on a hotel for a very close and special friend or family member, not anyone...
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