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Some background:
-We've both been married before so this will be our 2nd wedding. His first was @ the courthouse and I had a pretty big traditional wedding.
-We're paying for everything.
-We're NY based, wedding is in CA... family scattered around the country.
We are getting married again, having a 'traditional wedding' again b/c he wants it, but on a smaller scale... prob about 60 guests.
I have been married and did all these things @ my first wedding so I wanted to keep things small and laid-back. I only wanted my sister as my MOH and my niece as my flower girl but my fiancé's sisters are hurt that I did not ask them to be bridesmaids. It has nothing to do with them - I like them - it is just that I don't want a big party and everything that goes with it.
I don't understand why his sisters can't just be happy & not get all butthurt that they haven't been asked. Basically my fiancé and I got in a fight and now I have to ask them.
He is turning the wedding into something that I don't want it to be. His mom for example wants to be introduced by the DJ into the reception and wants kind of a big to-do around her... but now b/c she wants to be introduced in I feel like I have to do the same with my parents. Same with the mother-son and father-daughter dances. I didn't want to do it again but b/c he wants to now I feel like I have to. Everything is turning into how my first wedding was...
I really don't know what to do. I'm stressing out big time.
I hate to say this, but because his first wedding was at the court house, I would cut his family some slack. , as long as it does not get out of control.
Picture the reverse. You were married at the court house and your fiancé had a huge traditional, first wedding, and is now resentful because you want a nice wedding, too including your sisters want to be bride maids and your parents want to be introduced at the reception. (BTW, introducing parents at the reception does not have to be a big deal. They walk in and the DJ or someone says "John and Mary Smith, parents of the groom", "George and Sally Jones, parents of the bride" and then the wedding couple walks in and is introduced.)
Doesn't your fiancé get to have his chance to do some of those things that you already did? Assuming, that he wants to do them.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-30-2018 at 10:09 AM..
I hate to say this, but because his first wedding was at the court house, I would cut his family some slack.
, as long as it does not get out of control.
Picture the reverse. You were married at the court house and your fiancé had a huge traditional, first wedding, and is now resentful because you want a nice wedding, too including your sisters want to be bride maids and your parents want to be introduced at the reception. (BTW, introducing parents at the reception does not have to be a big deal. They walk in and the DJ or someone says "John and Mary Smith, parents of the groom", "George and Sally Jones, parents of the bride" and then the wedding couple walks in and is introduced.)
Doesn't your fiancé get to have his chance to do some of those things that you already did? Assuming, that he wants to do them.
yes but how does my bridesmaids effect him? I'm the one that has to pay for their bouquets (not cheap) now. I am not doing a coordinated dress. They can pick a simple dress all the same color that they want to wear. I don't want to stress myself out to try & coordinate a dress when this sisters do not live local to me. Ultimately it's not a really a big deal 'cuz they're all really doing is walking down the aisle but it's the principle that I've already compromised a lot on things (the locale HUGE. I wanted it closer to home but couldn't happen due to an issue with one of his sisters not being able to miss a class).
yes but how does my bridesmaids effect him? I'm the one that has to pay for their bouquets (not cheap) now. I am not doing a coordinated dress. They can pick a simple dress all the same color that they want to wear. I don't want to stress myself out to try & coordinate a dress when this sisters do not live local to me. Ultimately it's not a really a big deal 'cuz they're all really doing is walking down the aisle but it's the principle that I've already compromised a lot on things (the locale HUGE. I wanted it closer to home but couldn't happen due to an issue with one of his sisters not being able to miss a class).
If you love your fiancé and he wants his sisters to be bridesmaids what is the big deal? And, if you want to save money they do not have to carry bouquets. Or they can each carry one white rose or something similar.
Heck, one of the last weddings that I attended even the bride did not carry a bouquet. And, the attendants certainly did not have flowers. Now, that I think about it the last wedding that I attended I do not believe that the bridesmaids had flowers either.
The wedding is one day. Be prepared to focus on your marriage. My late husband and I were married for over 40 years (about 14,800 days). Do you really think that the one day of our wedding was that important in our overall life together?
I suppose you're right. It is just that I am not a planner and my fiancé is being cheap on certain things I want, like a 'day of coordinator'... he just says "oh well just put my sisters to work"... no I can't make my bridesmaids to be my slaves for the day. It is almost like he is making me ask them so they will do the work of the 'day of coordinator'.
I don't mind the extra bouquet. It's just a lot more coordinating I have to do now since we are not getting a 'day of coordinator'... harder to coordinate 6 girls instead of 2.
I'm somewhat the opposite of you. The first time I got married was at the courthouse. The second time was a bigger affair.
So I was stressing out about the bigger affair, because I, like you, was getting stressed out over all the planning and saving, and coordinating of all of THAT. I'd gotten to the point where I told my fiancé "Let's just go to the courthouse". The important thing to me was being married to him. HOW I got married to him was secondary to me. But he insisted I have a nice wedding since my first wedding was at the courthouse.
My current husband told me the same thing your fiancé told you. "Don't worry, my sisters will help". And they did. They stepped right up and helped me a lot. Big time.
(I'd be curious to know why your mom wants a special DJ announcement. I'm not sure I've heard of that before.)
All in all, even though there was a glitch or 2, it was a happy day that I look back on fondly.
I'm somewhat the opposite of you. The first time I got married was at the courthouse. The second time was a bigger affair.
So I was stressing out about the bigger affair, because I, like you, was getting stressed out over all the planning and saving, and coordinating of all of THAT. I'd gotten to the point where I told my fiancé "Let's just go to the courthouse". The important thing to me was being married to him. HOW I got married to him was secondary to me. But he insisted I have a nice wedding since my first wedding was at the courthouse.
My current husband told me the same thing your fiancé told you. "Don't worry, my sisters will help". And they did. They stepped right up and helped me a lot. Big time.
(I'd be curious to know why your mom wants a special DJ announcement. I'm not sure I've heard of that before.)
All in all, even though there was a glitch or 2, it was a happy day that I look back on fondly.
it's his mom that wants it. Probably b/c her 2 other kids never had weddings so naturally she is excited... but yeah, I find it odd.
Wait, a minute. On what planet do women actually WANT to be a bridesmaid? Most of us begrudgingly accept the invitation out of duty while mentally calculating how much we're going to have to spend on a dress and shoes we'll never wear again. I'd be thrilled to find out I was off the hook.
I agree. After about 25 or so, there's usually too much baggage to do a large, costly wedding that keeps everyone happy.
What I'm about to suggest would depend on someone's level of religion. Some religions may prohibit this.
A couple should go to Hawaii, Florida, or some other destination. Get married there, with just the couple themselves, the presider, a photographer and/or videographer, and no other guests. Then, stay in that place for a 7-10 day vacation later as the honeymoon. It's less expensive and less drama.
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