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I got engaged today and I'm an introvert and my fiance is an extrovert. While I do not want a big event I do want something. My fiance has a large family he wants to invite. I do not. I do not want videotape, but I do want photos. I don't want crazy forced but candid photos is fine. I want something to remember other than that piece of paper and the ring.
At the end of the day this wedding is about you and your groom. If your family really has an issue with it they can go kick rocks. DO what makes you happy even if that means not having them there.
Only read the first page. Back in 2006 my wife and I got married in our 30s and we too don’t like our picture taken. However we relented on photos for a wedding album. No matter how many people wanted us to smash cake in each other’s faces we just ignored them. We’re not immature kids. We had a DJ relative playing music for the reception. To help keep the guest list small we were married in a small church and the reception held at a local 100 year old bed and breakfast. To add a dignified air to the ceremony we had a harpist at the church playing at key points in the ceremony. Even our cake was reserved. The wedding cake was antique white gift boxes stacked neatly with ribbon fondant. Grooms cake was dark chocolate with chocolate dipped strawberries. We had one table with local flavor foods (we’re Cajuns) and another table of various fruits, vegetables, and berries as well as low sodium heart healthy choices for those relatives with dietary restrictions due to health. That second table was where the ice sculpture was located. Our honeymoon was a quick trip to San Antonio in February followed by several days at home to rest and relax before going back to work.
So, someone just told us that its "not worth it" to them to travel (2 hours away mind you. Not that far) because they "don't like" how we are handling this and its "not enough entertainment" for them.
Sounds like you're better off without them . When did it become our 'culture' to make our weddings into giant, expensive shows with a certain formula?? (by forumula I mean the routine of announcing the couple, throwing the bouquet, feeding each other the cake, etc). These big weddings have become the norm but they are so over the top and to me, quite tired and overdone. I look forward to smaller weddings that are unique. People have come to expect certain things from a wedding - a full meal, drinks, dancing. Sure, it can be fun for some, but it becomes so routine after having been to so many weddings. And why are the guests entitled to that? Especially if you are not expecting a big monetary gift (I've read that people feel entitled because of the gifts they give?)
OP, do what you want. If people refuse to come, I find that to be a great way to weed out who REALLY matters in your life. If you don't matter enough to them, they are not worth the trouble. My husband and I had just under 40 people. We did vows, cocktails and dinner all at the same place. No DJ, no tossing of anything, just a nice sit down dinner with family. Everyone who attended told us they loved it and that our wedding was their favorite. I did hire a photographer and she was terrible. I hate the majority of my wedding pictures. I skipped on having a bridal party, and shower, too. Why bother?
it sounds like to me that you just don't like weddings. which is just fine! they aren't for everybody. But if you knew that then your best bet would have been to just elope. You want privacy and that could have been something that would have just involved two of you. Maybe you could just do that and a small party later? and on the invites just say your list of rules, like no cameras and stuff. Invite who you want and who you think will respect your rules.
i know you said yall just don't like having pics taken and that you dont value all the wedding stuff and the wedding you want to have is your idea of fun. but it doesnt sound ilke it? the wedding you are having doesn't sound fun or joyful. by the way you describe it, it sounds like you are doing it just because you feel like you have to. you don't sound happy or excited about getting married. is getting married even something you want to do? Sorry, not trying to be rude or nosy but it doesn't sound like you want to do any of this.
you say you wanted to elope but now you are having a wedding to make your fam happy but at the wedding you dont actually want to put in anything that would make them happy lol (like pics). That seems pretty weird.
Its so interesting that the photos seem to be the sticking point for many. When my sister married, she took a cue from an elderly relative who we admired, a WW2 era bride who had a single portrait done in her gown. Sis did the same thing and it wasn't even on the actual wedding day. Everyone freaked out but its lovely. There was no photographer at the ceremony, no ridiculous expense, no "first look" tap on the shoulder series of pics, no pouting by the "pro" when the bride decided "enough already" with the poses and cut the session short, no outtakes of Aunt Jenny's slip showing when she was dancing, none of it. And you know what? She has been married happily for over a decade and says she has no regrets about not having the typical photos.
I have many other friends who did the usual albums, photojournalist style or no, and only one can tell me the last time she looked at it. Most don't even know where it is.
It may be because people feel you may regret it, years from now, if you don't have any photos, either for yourself, or to show any children you may have. Of course, the two of you know best what is important to you, and I don't think you should have to deal with a lot of criticism about this decision, or any of your other ones, for that matter. Personally, I think your plans sound lovely - low-key and elegant without being fussy. It sounds like a lot of people who are giving you a hard time, both here and IRL, could do with a healthy dose of "live and let live."
I mean, I wouldn't mind as a guest if they had a photographer or not but I would definitely think it was weird. It's a huge day in your lives... why would you not want pics of it?
Pictures aren't a big deal to everyone. I have almost no family pictures, and the few I do have, I almost never look at. I haven't kept pictures in my wallet since high school, when everyone was expected to exchange school photos with all their friends. My best "photo albums" are in my heart and my mind's eye: my memories, which are quite vivid. I get that this is not the usual thing, but it's no reason to go on raking this couple over the coals.
Last edited by Catgirl64; 04-29-2018 at 12:48 PM..
Pictures aren't a big deal to everyone. I have almost no family pictures, and the few I do have, I almost never look at. I haven't kept pictures in my wallet since high school, when everyone was expected to exchange school photos with all their friends. My best "photo albums" are in my heart and my mind's eye: my memories, which are quite vivid. I get that this is not the usual thing, but it's no reason to go on raking this couple over the coals.
Memories fade...and God Bless you for having a vivid memory but what if this couple has great-great grand kids and they want to see a photo?
I agree with another poster OP doesn't sound like she is excited about having a wedding which is fine. But if she isn't going to enjoy herself why go through with having a wedding to make others happy. It should be about OP and fiance.
At least saying you eloped would explain why there are no photos.
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. When did it become our 'culture' to make our weddings into giant, expensive shows with a certain formula?? (by forumula I mean the routine of announcing the couple, throwing the bouquet, feeding each other the cake, etc). These big weddings have become the norm but they are so over the top and to me, quite tired and overdone. I look forward to smaller weddings that are unique. People have come to expect certain things from a wedding - a full meal, drinks, dancing. Sure, it can be fun for some, but it becomes so routine after having been to so many weddings. And why are the guests entitled to that? Especially if you are not expecting a big monetary gift (I've read that people feel entitled because of the gifts they give?)
