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I hate to say this, but if a friend starts digging his own grave, and no matter how much you have tried to pull them out of it, they continue digging deeper, it might be time to disassociate yourself lest that friend pull you down with him. I have realized with age that we can only be friends with those who happen to be in the same circumstances as we are at the same time, notice how when you get married, all of a sudden, your single friends who used to be best buds, are no longer and you find yourself connecting more with married couples, and then when you have kids but other married couples don't, you again spin out of that orbit and become friends with yet another set, and then when your married friends start having kids, you reconnect. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating deserting our friends, and I would go to amazing lengths to help my friends out to get back on their feet, but when they clearly feel comfortable in their element no matter how bad it seems to you or the rest of the world, perhaps, the best course of action is to leave them there for a while and see how they will survive without your support. You know what they say, misery loves company, so stop being that company.
There's one generic piece of advice I tell people, even very close friends, about their excuses for these types of things. It applies to looking for jobs, getting raises, losing weight, going back to school, getting promotions, anything that involves accomplishing some sort of objective.
If you want it badly enough, you will make it happen. If you can't make it happen, then you don't want it badly enough.
Your friend doesn't want to find a direction in life, he just likes to complain about it. If he really REALLY wanted to change things he would muster up the willpower and do something about it. PERIOD.
Why would you want to help him if he doesn't want to help himself? Let him learn this lesson and he will live a much better life for it.
If you want it badly enough, you will make it happen. If you can't make it happen, then you don't want it badly enough.
The book "The Secret" does claim that, but it is an outright lie. Let's apply it to a few situations.
A senior citizen, who is 82, really wants to be an NFL player. He really, really, really wants to be one. But he'll never be one. Not because he doesn't want it badly enough, but because he is too old and started too late.
I really, really, really, really, want to be a fashion model. Will never happen because I lack the genetic makeup required for such a job.
Okay, how about those aspiring actors in NY and LA. Are they just not making it because they do not want it badly enough? And what about someone dying from cancer? Are they dying because they don't want to live badly enough?
the book "the secret" does claim that, but it is an outright lie. Let's apply it to a few situations.
A senior citizen, who is 82, really wants to be an nfl player. He really, really, really wants to be one. But he'll never be one. Not because he doesn't want it badly enough, but because he is too old and started too late.
I really, really, really, really, want to be a fashion model. Will never happen because i lack the genetic makeup required for such a job.
Okay, how about those aspiring actors in ny and la. Are they just not making it because they do not want it badly enough? And what about someone dying from cancer? Are they dying because they don't want to live badly enough?
OP, I don't really know if there is anything you alone can do to help. You can try talking to him and taking him out to see how the other side lives.
Try to stay away from enabling him and justifying his thoughts of not working in a dead end job. There can be good value derived from working any job. Maybe you can help, I don't know but your friend's real motivation needs to come from within himself if it's going to last more than a couple months. He needs his own motivation, whatever that is...perhaps his girlfriend leaving him would be good motivation, perhaps having a kid would be. If nothing changes, get him a pair of skinny jeans and a fixie for his birthday.
As babysladkaya said, sometimes you have to move on and disassociate yourself, as guilty as that may make you feel. It is obviously affecting you, or else you wouldn't be posting about it and seeking advice, and at some point, you have to make sure that he doesn't drag you down with him.
I can relate. I have a friend who makes your friend look like Elon Musk or Donald Trump by comparison. Seriously. He has just never wanted to do anything with his life but sit on the couch playing video games. Unlike your friend, he doesn't have a degree, because they're too much work, and he doesn't have a dead-end job either, because working is not nearly as much fun as getting to the Boss level on every video game made on every platform made. At one point, he wanted to work where I was working, so I asked him to give me his resume so that I could pass it on. He said that he didn't have one. At that point, I just didn't know how to respond. Of course, he wouldn't remedy the situation by figuring out how to get one or make one, because once again, that was just too much work. And of course, he lamented the fact that his life was going nowhere. It was when I asked him to give me a resume and found that he didn't have one that I realized that knowing him, talking to him, and being associated with him was just really, really depressing. I think it's inspiring when people try and try and try and fail, but keep trying, but when someone won't even try, it's hard to have any sympathy for them, and embarrassing to be associated with them.
Unlike your friend, though, he had family money and still does, which is why he can afford to not work. He will be just fine without me. In fact, I'm sure he'll always be a doing a lot better than me.
The book "The Secret" does claim that, but it is an outright lie. Let's apply it to a few situations.
A senior citizen, who is 82, really wants to be an NFL player. He really, really, really wants to be one. But he'll never be one. Not because he doesn't want it badly enough, but because he is too old and started too late.
I really, really, really, really, want to be a fashion model. Will never happen because I lack the genetic makeup required for such a job.
Okay, how about those aspiring actors in NY and LA. Are they just not making it because they do not want it badly enough? And what about someone dying from cancer? Are they dying because they don't want to live badly enough?
This comment really just shows you don't understand what I said.
Why can't you be a fashion model?
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