Parenting in the UK and the Continent. What's poppin' there nowadays?... (home, high school)
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So if American higher ed institutions want EC-s, I was simply curious whether higher ed institutions in Europe have been heading in the same direction.
They were certainly not like that in my time.
I just did some quick research via google and it's clear that UK universities do take extracurricular activities into consideration.
I have no experience in current parenting not having children of my own but when you apply to a university here you have to write a page or so about yourself saying why you want to study the course and about yourself as a person, what your interests are, etc. The top universities are very competitive to get into because so many more people these days apply and so many more get top grades thanks to our too-easy A-level exams, so people do have to advertise themselves as an all-rounder, though from what I've read of the US it's not nearly as bad as over there. In my case I had a lecturer, one of the old school sadly no longer alive, tell me he'd found reading personal statements from 17-year-olds all trying to put themselves forward as enlightened, mature global citizen supermen as "nauseating meaningless w@nk" and he no longer bothered reading them
I had what you might consider an ordinary middle-class childhood in this country 15-20 years ago and my parents tried to encourage me to learn the piano, learn French, join the Cub Scouts, play football (soccer) but never pressured me to, and thank God there was never the idea that it was for anything more than a fun hobby for me, not for impressing some future boss. Growing up with parents like the OP described sounds like a nightmareish recipe for teenage rebellion or a future nervous breakdown to me.
Overall I don't think the obsession with organised activities for children is as bad here but I've never thought of the UK as a child-friendly society really. This is the country which used to send children down mines or up chimneys, and even now puts four-year-olds in school and expects them to sit still and concentrate, and still thinks you can lock ten-year-olds up as prisoners and expect them to turn out well-balanced adults. When in continental Europe I've always noticed how much happier families seem, and this study on child well-being in 21 industrialised nations backs that up:
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I can't speak for the UK, but here in Australia university tends to be a place you just go to to get qualified in the specific course you are interested in taking to lead to a specific job and career. While you can get involved in the guild and some of the clubs, there's not really as much as a collegiate tradition as is found in the US or the UK. We don't have such prestigious institutions as Oxford, Cambridge, Yale or Harvard. Most local students do not live in campus. Many stay with their parents and commute, if they haven't already moved out.
It's pretty common for kids to play sports outside school, or take music lessons, but I'm not sure if they're even the majority. I'm not sure if we follow after the British or the American system more in this respect.
In India, schooling is very much focused towards studies, studies and more studies. As a kid, we spent most of our time studying in the classroom, save for a weekly P.T. Session and maybe a field-trip or two a year. The emphasis then was definitely more towards cramming in as much as possible and then regurgitating it all out during the exams.
Things have changed since then. The EC activities that are the norm in US are slowly gaining acceptance in India, and in a good way. Remember, there is hardly any sports scholarship in India or the concept of grooming world class athletes right from school. EC activities like these are encouraging the Indian children to look beyond career as a Doctor / Engineer and do what they like to do most.
Having said that, I believe even with our flawed education system, me and my friends did pretty well for ourselves. We have stable, well-earning jobs. Even though I did end up being an engineer, I devote most of my free time blogging about video-games. My friends are in careers as varied as IIT / IIM graduate engineers to Bollywood movie directors and even food-writers.
Universities in Canada are public, and as such the criteria for admissions is fairly standardized and not very subjective. You don't get much of this "he/she looks like he would be a good fit for our uni because of blablabla" thing going on here.
The core of the difference is in the entrance requirements of each country's' universities. If the UK's universities had similar entrance requirements, I'm certain the same percentage of parents would be utilizing extracurricular activities for the sole purpose of helping their children get into the best universities. Alternately, if the US's universities stopped taking extracurricular activities into consideration, that same percentage of parents would switch their focus on academic achievement via giving their children extra homework, etc.
As a mother who has raised children into adulthood, I can say that those parents are the minority. Maybe certain regions of the country have a greater portion of competitive parents but I'm sure that applies to different areas of any country. For the most part, American parents do hope their children will find a career or talent through extracurriculars. But there are many other benefits. Achieving a special talent builds self confidence. Certain extracurriculars help with academics, such as music helps children with math. And the social aspect, which you already touched upon, can't be deminished.
Just like your growing up in the UK, children didn't pursue as many extracurriculars in the US when I was growing up. Comparing the way I grew up to the way my children grew up, there was a great benefit in making friends with children who have similar interests as opposed to having mere convenience friends limited to the immediate neighborhood. My children's neighborhood friends are here and gone. But the friends they made through mutual interests have remained lifelong friends.
I recognize that you're dealing with culture shock in some ways. But I experienced these same extracurricular changes compared to my own childhood and I adapted these same changes. It sounds like you will adapt too---just kicking and screaming a bit along the way before you finally accept it.
Well... like you said: you've got to do what you've gotta do.
However, I cannot pretend that I will ever be completely at peace with this system or that I will ever get to experience it as right or beneficial. Just a necessary evil - as long as we live in this country.
I stick to my guns that children cannot build quality, authentic relationships in organized activities. The deepest, most meaningful bonds are born when NOTHING is scheduled; when children are allowed to interact through conversation and not by focusing on some "to do" list - be it "to do together". Sure, it is all too easy to speculate that a common interest can bring children closer but as soon as the goal of the "get together" ceases to exist, there is little left to further fuel the relationship.
It's like marriages run like a business. As long as it's a "goal-oriented" family (raise the kids, put them through college, pay the house off, etc) it stays intact. When all that is gone, partners can no longer relate to one another because they grew apart mentally throughout years filled with "to do" lists and zero meaningful conversations.
Again, I completely understand and agree that such activities are clearly necessary given the structure of the US higher ed system, which you described very accurately. But is this a good life for these children? I know it would not be for MY children.
Raising them to be cogs in the machine pretty much since birth is not my idea of a happy life.
And if Europe doesn't link its higher education system to athletic or other EC-based scholarships, then are those country still less likely to have this type of parenting and childhood/adolescence climate?
Last time I checked, European parents pushed academics on their kids. The higher the aspirations, the sharper the academics. But that was it.
I hope it is still like that over there, just in case we manage to relocate back to where I came from.
It would take something close to a miracle, but one can always hope.
Also, keep in mind that your children are you, you have no guarantee that they will be academically successful. By allowing them many opportunities to gain talents via extracurricular, you ensure that they will have alternatives in their future.
Trust me, my kids stand 10000 more chances to be academically successful (if anything) than to be great athletes (zero chance), amazing musicians or some other EC thing. Academics still give the best odds for making a decent life and living in this world.
When in continental Europe I've always noticed how much happier families seem, and this study on child well-being in 21 industrialised nations backs that up:
Sure. I hear you, but not for reasons cited in this article. Parents going out of their way to make children happy?... Hmmm...I cringe when I hear this line of thinking which is in fact VERY widespread in the US too.
I did see a much more relaxed, fuzzy-warmy, and personal childhood model in continental Europe growing up - and again, not because parents went out of their way to please and "honey" their kids around. But the contemporary Anglo (paricularly American) model for childhood with its obsession on organized achievements, is a nightmare as far as I am concerned. Now if only I knew how exactly to get a job in my field in continental Europe (virtually zero chance).
Perhaps because of what I wrote above, things don't appear to be as obsessive with kids' activities in Canada. I live in an upper middle class area and some kids do lots of stuff, some kids do a little, and some kids do nothing. There doesn't seem to be any guilt-tripping going on between parents, although some parents do look at (my) super-busy kids and say "maybe I should put my kids in..." and then name an activity. (If anything, it might be the parents of the non-busy kids that are envied for having extra time and money on their hands...)
Personally, as I said my kids are very busy, although this isn't really related to my wife and I using this to give them a chance to be more successful later in life. Rather, it's because we had them try out a few things when they were younger, and they ended up liking some of them a lot and getting pretty good at them. So in my case at least, it's the children that are driving the activity push, and we the parents who are setting limits with respect to time, money, logistics and, most importantly, not letting any of this affect their performance at school.
EC activities like these are encouraging the Indian children to look beyond career as a Doctor / Engineer and do what they like to do most.
Most children will dream of becoming rich, famous and glamorous - which many of these EC-s hint to. Actors, athletes, singers, musicians, etc.
By encouraging them to put so much stock in EC-s and follow what they think is their "dream", we are pretty much lying to them about the realistic odds of making a career out of such EC-s. My children would have to demonstrate Earth-shaking talent in an EC area for me to encourage them to go down that path. Most children whose parents allow them to spend obscene amounts of time in EC-s have sub-mediocre to mediocre talent.
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