Explains why you end up with unavailable partners, and gives advice on breaking the pattern.
How Come My Praise Doesn't Register With You?
[B]I'm So Proud Of You[/B]
Simon was thrilled to hear that his partner had achieved her goal of losing 10 pounds. He was proud of her, and gave her a big smile, a hug and congratulated her warmly.
[B]The Praise Falls On Deaf Ears[/B]
Joanne began talking about all the chores she had to do the next day. She didn't register that her husband had taken in her achievement and reacted in a positive way.
[B]Simon Feels Rejected[/B]
Rejected, Simon withdrew and later on he told her how bad he felt that his praise had gone over her head. He knew how much she longed to be acknowledged and deservedly so. But how much more of this can he take? How much longer can he bear to give and give, without any hope of being heard?
[B]Shocked, Joanne's Eyes Are Opened[/B]
Shocked, Joanne was dumbfounded. She had no idea she was turning a deaf ear to validating comments and a blind eye to warm gestures.
[B]Joanne Makes Simon's Love Unavailable[/B]
Unconsciously, Joanne was making Simon's love and affection unavailable to herself. It was a big eye opener.
[B]The Couple Agree to Watch This Space[/B]
Simon and Joanne have agreed to talk about this every time it happens. Maybe she will learn to hear and trust the messages. But Joanne still needs to figure out why she doesn't register what she yearns for. She can't do it alone. She [URL="http://www.drjeanetteraymond.com/contact.html"]needs to figure it out [/URL]in a context where she doesn't have any baggage to sort out.
[B]How Long Can Simon Be Joanne's Mirror?[/B]
Simon can act as a mirror reflecting how she deflects his validations. But he is her husband and he has feelings of wanting to be acknowledged too. He needs an incentive to continue trying with Joanne so that they both get seen and heard. He can't be a clean and clear mirror for ever. Sometimes his stuff will fog up the glass and then neither of them will be able to see straight. That's the danger sign for this couple.
[B]Joanne's Fears Keep Simon Out[/B]
I wonder what Joanne is afraid Of? What if her head gets big with praise? Maybe she will give up trying? Or maybe she will realize how strong and resourceful she really is!
What may happen if she accepts her fortitude? Comment and let me know your experiences?
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Simon was thrilled to hear that his partner had achieved her goal of losing 10 pounds. He was proud of her, and gave her a big smile, a hug and congratulated her warmly.
[B]The Praise Falls On Deaf Ears[/B]
Joanne began talking about all the chores she had to do the next day. She didn't register that her husband had taken in her achievement and reacted in a positive way.
[B]Simon Feels Rejected[/B]
Rejected, Simon withdrew and later on he told her how bad he felt that his praise had gone over her head. He knew how much she longed to be acknowledged and deservedly so. But how much more of this can he take? How much longer can he bear to give and give, without any hope of being heard?
[B]Shocked, Joanne's Eyes Are Opened[/B]
Shocked, Joanne was dumbfounded. She had no idea she was turning a deaf ear to validating comments and a blind eye to warm gestures.
[B]Joanne Makes Simon's Love Unavailable[/B]
Unconsciously, Joanne was making Simon's love and affection unavailable to herself. It was a big eye opener.
[B]The Couple Agree to Watch This Space[/B]
Simon and Joanne have agreed to talk about this every time it happens. Maybe she will learn to hear and trust the messages. But Joanne still needs to figure out why she doesn't register what she yearns for. She can't do it alone. She [URL="http://www.drjeanetteraymond.com/contact.html"]needs to figure it out [/URL]in a context where she doesn't have any baggage to sort out.
[B]How Long Can Simon Be Joanne's Mirror?[/B]
Simon can act as a mirror reflecting how she deflects his validations. But he is her husband and he has feelings of wanting to be acknowledged too. He needs an incentive to continue trying with Joanne so that they both get seen and heard. He can't be a clean and clear mirror for ever. Sometimes his stuff will fog up the glass and then neither of them will be able to see straight. That's the danger sign for this couple.
[B]Joanne's Fears Keep Simon Out[/B]
I wonder what Joanne is afraid Of? What if her head gets big with praise? Maybe she will give up trying? Or maybe she will realize how strong and resourceful she really is!
What may happen if she accepts her fortitude? Comment and let me know your experiences?
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I can relate to that since I talk to people in a daily basis about how to get in shape and one of the main points is to have support from your partner or close friends. If you don't have a circle of people like minded it will be difficult achieve success physically and emotionally.Posted 02-20-2009 at 01:22 PM by Alfredoz
