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Are You Experiencing Unavailable Partner Fatigue?
Posted 08-27-2008 at 06:30 PM by Doctor Jeanette
Updated 09-03-2008 at 07:53 PM by Doctor Jeanette (Put post in Blog Category)
Updated 09-03-2008 at 07:53 PM by Doctor Jeanette (Put post in Blog Category)
By Dr. Jeanette Raymond
Do you wonder why you always end up with a lover who seems really into you one minute and indifferent the next?
Does the dialogue inside you go something like this?
Isn’t anyone out there ready for commitment?
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I just have a homing instinct for emotionally unavailable partners?
There are many reasons why you may be finding yourself with a lover who becomes unavailable over and again.
The common theme is FATIGUE. You are probably chronically fatigued with relationship uncertainty.
Tired with having to look around for the right person
Tired of wondering if you are attractive outside and inside
Tired of having to find someone who makes you feel good
Tired of having to please
Tired of having to perform
Tired of waiting for the signs of loyalty and commitment
Tired of searching for evidence that you are really the one
Tired of worrying if the relationship is real, and lasting.
Lets look at the F of fatigue - The Fear Factor
I know what you are thinking! Oh no! Not that fear of abandonment stuff again. NO, it’s not about preempting being left.
It’s Fear of being found unlovable
If you work hard to be the perfect date, you are probably trying to cover up what you believe to be unattractive parts of yourself. Your whole focus is on pleasing your partner, making sure you give no cause for complaint. That’s like doing a stage act where you perform for an audience of one. Instead of being WITH your partner, you have put yourself in a costume, out of reach, something to be admired. When the music stops and the curtain falls, your partner drops the ticket stub and leaves.
By hiding the real you that your partner first fell in love with, you make yourself unavailable. So your partner drifts, makes excuses, breaks promises, and gets noticeably cooler. You feel let down, angry that your efforts have been wasted yet again and you wonder what’s wrong with you? You are right back in that self-destructive cycle that makes sure you will never experience a genuinely mutual committed relationship.
Doesn't that make you mad? You can use that anger profitably and keep good partners.
copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. All rights reserved to Dr. Jeanette Raymond, 2008.
Do you wonder why you always end up with a lover who seems really into you one minute and indifferent the next?
Does the dialogue inside you go something like this?
Isn’t anyone out there ready for commitment?
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I just have a homing instinct for emotionally unavailable partners?
There are many reasons why you may be finding yourself with a lover who becomes unavailable over and again.
The common theme is FATIGUE. You are probably chronically fatigued with relationship uncertainty.
Tired with having to look around for the right person
Tired of wondering if you are attractive outside and inside
Tired of having to find someone who makes you feel good
Tired of having to please
Tired of having to perform
Tired of waiting for the signs of loyalty and commitment
Tired of searching for evidence that you are really the one
Tired of worrying if the relationship is real, and lasting.
Lets look at the F of fatigue - The Fear Factor
I know what you are thinking! Oh no! Not that fear of abandonment stuff again. NO, it’s not about preempting being left.
It’s Fear of being found unlovable
If you work hard to be the perfect date, you are probably trying to cover up what you believe to be unattractive parts of yourself. Your whole focus is on pleasing your partner, making sure you give no cause for complaint. That’s like doing a stage act where you perform for an audience of one. Instead of being WITH your partner, you have put yourself in a costume, out of reach, something to be admired. When the music stops and the curtain falls, your partner drops the ticket stub and leaves.
By hiding the real you that your partner first fell in love with, you make yourself unavailable. So your partner drifts, makes excuses, breaks promises, and gets noticeably cooler. You feel let down, angry that your efforts have been wasted yet again and you wonder what’s wrong with you? You are right back in that self-destructive cycle that makes sure you will never experience a genuinely mutual committed relationship.
Doesn't that make you mad? You can use that anger profitably and keep good partners.
copyright Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. All rights reserved to Dr. Jeanette Raymond, 2008.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I don't think so.no fatigue.everyday,you eat rice,but we hear that someone is tired of rice scarcely.lovers part from each other,always another reasons.Posted 08-29-2008 at 09:05 AM by iminer
