Doll making,nesty thoughts and old english,nature the great restorer

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn".
John Muir

Feeling better,thinking about red and doll making I saw a nice doll,Id really love to make dolls.Something to ponder doing,I suppose I would sew the little clothes,such a girlish pastime.
I'm going to do some cooking today and try and eat something,I'm looking at littlesugarplumfairy to cheer my spirits it always has everything romantical that I love,God I miss watching historical films being swept up in other times and drama.Life still feels strange but I adapt and grow strong.I dreamt about an old love last night and told him how beautiful he was.I feel more nested and homey rather than the Bohemianism that had swept over me,I suppose everything gets so befuddled that you long to be restored by tea,nature,home,hearth and cosy things.I feel like making shortbread,bathing,making a Sunday breakfast,listening to classical music and reading my Celtic books but that desire to be a wild poet roving the hedges is still there albeit quieter.It will all come again and I give thanks for the glorious days I have had.I really reflect on my life with such gladness that it was full of more thrill than I ever expected and more love too.But my gosh what a journey.I long to throw myself in the sea for a bit and wash away my troubles,I think nature is a great restorer and I don't think enough of us spend time alongside and within nature.I think it would close many wounds.

Oh I do wish I could do namowrimo,I use to do it every year,I highly reccomend it to anyone,if I could I would work on The Hawk and the Harper,my novel of two antiquated welsh poets.Actually I'd rather write Daughter of Ivor about an ancient brooch,the hebrides and red.Oh to have my mind back.Perhaps in those distant days I will hatch and write novels again.Its a great loss and I have every reason to feel put out.But all my stories still sway inside.In old English the mind is called ferðlocan - mind (spirit-chest) and thoughts hordcofan - thoughts (treasure-chamber).Oh I miss my treasures.I would love to learn Old English,I've become fixed on learning the craft of poetry,poetics and finding the best words.Im very glad that infact English is my mother tongue, and that its the language of my ancestors, deep into antiquity.I cannot imagine not speaking the language of my ancestors.I can't imagine writing in any other language, I would say the only other language I'd love to have is maybe Gaelic or Russian.Oh that would be marvellous.It would be something to learn old English and see the way in which things were cherished not all our dry,formal clinical terms that herald the age of reason.Ejaculate what a profoundly cold and mechanical term for something so sacred I'd love to know what it was in old English or Gaelic,poetic and sacred no doubt.

I promised to make today a good day despite everything and I should really start my paintings I have a clear idea of what I wish for,I want primitif work,almost a folk style,with Celtic motifs and for it to be about me and red(my redheaded soulmate),all our mutal legends and mythos.But today I don't feel much like painting,just being snugged up,tea,words and maybe candlelight.I have enjoyed feeling myself bud back though into a creative bloom that I had my whole twenties,wanting to be a painter and poet.When I think of that life it's always in flow and flight,running away with life.Its not stable and steady but oh there are plenty of poets who live steady lives eating pudding.I have never been an adventurous spirit,I don't want to sail down a mountain,which reminds me I did do my proper astrological chart and I am very Taurean and Geminian which surprises me,I feel completely like a Pisces, but I suppose I'm always studying making me Geminian enough and I can be flighty.But nothing in my chart resonated,still I think astrology so symbolic and interesting.Well I feel a little forlorn again let's hope it's just an energetic shift,I do tire of these constant changes it had been a mellow and upturned day so far but I'm still ill and battling that.Its really more than I can bear though I wanted to be free of it for just today.I miss my high flights,I miss so much,I want to take everything with me,all my beloved things and make another life in some better world.I am determined despite everything to go ahead with the day and love it for whatever it contains.