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Here is something that is not a generalization - the boy friend or husband of a bio-parent is the most likely abuser.
If all of you were abused by your adoptive parents why don't you try therapy?
Using the word "all" is a generalisation. I was not abused by my adoptive parents.
You seem to be of the opinion that interest in one's biological family is due to problems in one's adoptive family - I am sorry you feel that way.
I am capable of loving both my adoptive family and my biological family - do you think I need therapy for that?
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the boy friend or husband of a bio-parent is the most likely abuser.
I am sure that you don't think that all single or divorced women who decide to get a boyfriend or get married again should have their children removed though, do you? This is where your genrealisations are problem. You not only generalise about groups eg pregnant women under 21 - you have also proposed laws re banning them from parenting.
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Instead of being angry at adoption, be angry at the people who abused or neglected you.
Who says we are "angry at adoption"? We are angry at any injustices done in the name of adoption - an entirely different thing.
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It would be akin to a wife abused by a husband to be against marriage. Marriage works for some people. Be angry at abuse in all forms, not only in the context of marriage.
Our situation might be more like wives in FORCED marriages abused by husbands being against FORCED marriages and campaigning against ending FORCED marriages. Many people would consider forced marriages to be an unjust form of marriage - it doesn't mean that are against marriage in general.
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I am against all forms of abuse. I am also against poverty and ignorance. They are frequent factors in abuse.
There I go generalizing. I am against poverty and ignorance. They generally do not lead to good family outcomes
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I am all for helping people to help themselves rise out of poverty and helping to educate them. When that is used with expectant mothers as with families in general, that can lead to better family outcomes than if one just stood by and judged them.
Could you please provide a reference showing most intants relinquished for adoption were abused by their bio parents?
Yes, please. I'd like to see this too.
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Originally Posted by lkb0714
I think looking at that would help prevent abuse in all families. It could be a real opportunity to learn why good people make mistakes and abuse their children.
Agree. Looking at abuse in terms of how a family began (bio, adoption, kinship, etc.) is not going to solve the problem of child abuse. People who abuse children will no doubt have certain characteristics that non-abusers do not have. Identifying what they are, and screening for them in BOTH biological and adoptive families is really what should be done. No child should be abused and assumptions about APs or Biological families should no longer be a reason to not screen for potential abusers.
*note: IMO, for biological families the screening need only be done for first-time parents.
Could you please provide a reference showing most intants relinquished for adoption were abused by their bio parents?
I am not sure that anyone said that "most infants who are adopted at birth were abused before their adoption". I know that I didn't say it.
I certainly did not say that. I think that most infant adoption is a protective factor against abuse.
Many older children become eligible for adoption because they were removed from the custody of their bio-parents because of abuse.
Abuse is prevelent in the homes of unwed parents and the most likely abuser is a consort of the bio parent - boyfriend, girlfriend, step parent. THAT is what I said and what I maintain.
The bottom line is this. Most children find themselves available for adoption because of abuse at the hands of their biological parents thn do at the hands of the parents who adopted them.
This is the exact quote. Including the words "most children."
I know I wasn't put up for adoption because of abuse issues, so this doesn't apply to me.
Sheena, I don't believe it applies to your daughter, either.
I don't know if "most children" is the right way of putting it.
Perhaps "many older children" or "some children in foster care available for adoption"? I don't know the numbers and don't feel able to make generalizations.
Here is something that is not a generalization - the boy friend or husband of a bio-parent is the most likely abuser.
If all of you were abused by your adoptive parents why don't you try therapy? Instead of being angry at adoption, be angry at the people who abused or neglected you.
It would be akin to a wife abused by a husband to be against marriage. Marriage works for some people. Be angry at abuse in all forms, not only in the context of marriage.
I am against all forms of abuse. I am also against poverty and ignorance. They are frequent factors in abuse.
There I go generalizing. I am against poverty and ignorance. They generally do not lead to good family outcomes.
Another frequent factor n abuse? Being raised by someone who is not biologically related to you -- yet it is interesting you conveniently leave that one out.
You absolutely CANNOT equate abused adoptees to abused wives, or adoption to marriage. Abused wives were not GIVEN to those husbands as an infant or child & conditioned to consider them mother or father. They were not forced to call their abusive siblings who have no relation to them as brother or sister. This is NOT the same in anyway.
Also society as a whole does not have a problem speaking about how serious of a problem domestic violence is, where as most people will try to minimize abuse in adoptive families. What are your opinions on that, Sheena?
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 01-22-2013 at 08:34 AM..
You absolutely CANNOT equate abused adoptees to abused wives, or adoption to marriage. Abused wives were not GIVEN to those husbands as an infant or child & conditioned to consider them mother or father. They were not forced to call their abusive siblings who have no relation to them as brother or sister. This is NOT the same in anyway.
This is the exact quote. Including the words "most children."
I know I wasn't put up for adoption because of abuse issues, so this doesn't apply to me.
Sheena, I don't believe it applies to your daughter, either.
I don't know if "most children" is the right way of putting it.
Perhaps "many older children" or "some children in foster care available for adoption"? I don't know the numbers and don't feel able to make generalizations.
YES MIRRENC When "CHILDREN" not "INFANTS" become available for adoption. CHILDREN, got that?
Infants who stay in the homes of unwed, undereducated young women, when they did not plan the pregnancy find themselves at an increased risk for abuse says almost any study that I have ever read.
You absolutely CANNOT equate abused adoptees to abused wives, or adoption to marriage. Abused wives were not GIVEN to those husbands as an infant or child & conditioned to consider them mother or father. They were not forced to call their abusive siblings who have no relation to them as brother or sister. This is NOT the same in anyway.
Um - ever hear of the FLDS??
Obviously. What exactly is the point you are making here, aside from derailing the conversation further?
Another frequent factor n abuse? Being raised by someone who is not biologically related to you -- yet it is interesting you conveniently leave that one out.
You absolutely CANNOT equate abused adoptees to abused wives, or adoption to marriage. Abused wives were not GIVEN to those husbands as an infant or child & conditioned to consider them mother or father. They were not forced to call their abusive siblings who have no relation to them as brother or sister. This is NOT the same in anyway.
Also society as a whole does not have a problem speaking about how serious of a problem domestic violence is, where as most people will try to minimize abuse in adoptive families. What are your opinions on that, Sheena?
No, you have that wrong. The frequent factor contributing to child abuse is "THE PRESENCE OF ONE UNRELATED ADULT IN THE HOUS AS IN A BOYFRIEND OR STEP PARENT< MARRIED or COMMON LAW.
NOT TWO ADULT ADOPTIVE PARENTS. Get your facts STRAIGHT!
Infants who stay in the homes of unwed, undereducated young women, when they did not plan the pregnancy find themselves at an increased risk for abuse says almost any study that I have ever read.
Just like infants who find themselves in a home being cared for by those who are not biologically related to them are at an increased risk?
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