Adoption from foster care - question for those who have done it. (teenagers, children)
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I have no ill feelings for folks that adopt overseas but I don't understand it when there are children here that needs forever homes too.
Read some of the threads on this forum to get a better understanding of why some folks adopt from overseas. There really isn't any "right" way to adopt a child. Many kids are in need whether they are from the foster system or overseas in an orphanage.
We considered adopting from foster care however some very bad experiences scared us off quite frankly. Just as some posters in this thread said, not a certain thing. It would break my heart to become so attached to a child and then lose them. We have neighbors in our new neighborhood are fostering a very neglected sibling group with the intention to adopt. These poor kids have been through so much in their short lives and their foster parents are awesome. Unfortunately, the bio mom is making waves and fighting the system and there is a chance that the adoption won't happen. Heartbreaking, especially since it was long term neglect.
Read some of the threads on this forum to get a better understanding of why some folks adopt from overseas. There really isn't any "right" way to adopt a child. Many kids are in need whether they are from the foster system or overseas in an orphanage.
We considered adopting from foster care however some very bad experiences scared us off quite frankly. Just as some posters in this thread said, not a certain thing. It would break my heart to become so attached to a child and then lose them. We have neighbors in our new neighborhood are fostering a very neglected sibling group with the intention to adopt. These poor kids have been through so much in their short lives and their foster parents are awesome. Unfortunately, the bio mom is making waves and fighting the system and there is a chance that the adoption won't happen. Heartbreaking, especially since it was long term neglect.
We saw heartbreak after heartbreak with families trying to adopt from foster care. Somebody who hasn't been involved lately just can't relate. Sometimes it seems these abusive or neglectful parents take it as a challenge when somebody tries to adopt their child who was removed from their home. I don't think it is so much love for the child as it is a direct slap in the face which motivates them. Too often we see kids returned to the original home only to be abused or neglected again.
Many people don't understand that adopting couples are not motivated by wanting to "help" a child. They want a FAMILY. Being Big Brothers or Sisters or sunday school teachers is all well and good but it does not fulfill the desire to have a FAMILY.
Read some of the threads on this forum to get a better understanding of why some folks adopt from overseas. There really isn't any "right" way to adopt a child. Many kids are in need whether they are from the foster system or overseas in an orphanage.
We considered adopting from foster care however some very bad experiences scared us off quite frankly. Just as some posters in this thread said, not a certain thing. It would break my heart to become so attached to a child and then lose them. We have neighbors in our new neighborhood are fostering a very neglected sibling group with the intention to adopt. These poor kids have been through so much in their short lives and their foster parents are awesome. Unfortunately, the bio mom is making waves and fighting the system and there is a chance that the adoption won't happen. Heartbreaking, especially since it was long term neglect.
Thank you for that suggestion but I've gotten enough negative back lashing from this thread to tell me to get out of this section. Shame some people just have blinders on won't see outside the box to come to the final end they were seeking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
We saw heartbreak after heartbreak with families trying to adopt from foster care. Somebody who hasn't been involved lately just can't relate. Sometimes it seems these abusive or neglectful parents take it as a challenge when somebody tries to adopt their child who was removed from their home. I don't think it is so much love for the child as it is a direct slap in the face which motivates them. Too often we see kids returned to the original home only to be abused or neglected again.
Many people don't understand that adopting couples are not motivated by wanting to "help" a child. They want a FAMILY. Being Big Brothers or Sisters or sunday school teachers is all well and good but it does not fulfill the desire to have a FAMILY.
I'll speak directly to your post even though you round about way speak to mine. First of all you should stop "assuming" anything on a public forum about the other people posting. 2nd of all I am not "Somebody who hasn't been involved lately just can't relate". 3rdly I read so much pain in your posts that you are lashing out to folks on here trying to give you ideas to try that it is appearing almost like hate. Has the process filled you with so much frustration that you are becoming a bitter person? I hope not because that festers & sets inside of us to the point nobody wants to be around us let alone a kid that must.
Now to any other posters here open to suggestions: perhaps not trying to get involved in your community in other areas where children are might be missed opportunities you never know. Folks may see you helping children & youth see a caring side of you and remember your name when they hear about a teen that is pregnant & giving her child up for adoption. A private or open adoption might be a possibility in a case like that. Essentially you are cutting off networking opportunities in various degrees look around there are plenty of folks that got their dreams to come true by using nonconventional ways to get there that were still legal. Good luck to you all I mean that sincerely.
Thank you for that suggestion but I've gotten enough negative back lashing from this thread to tell me to get out of this section. Shame some people just have blinders on won't see outside the box to come to the final end they were seeking.
Sorry but I feel no shame nor feel that I have blinders on. Adoption is a deeply personal decision. Some folks are comfortable with open adoptions, some want closed. Some adopt domestically or from foster care, some adopt internationally. Many of us went into adoption with our eyes wide open and carefully considered many options. I guess that I get weary of the "I don't understand why people adopt overseas when there are so many children waiting in the US" arguments. I go back to my earlier comment about reading through these adoption forums and other sources of why folks decide on the path that they did. All comes down to a personal decision. In the long run, adoptive parents are trying their best, whether that child is from the US or overseas.
I don't think anyone is judging you or lashing out. I tend to avoid these forums and CD as of late but sometimes just have to comment.
The one thing to consider when adopting from foster care is that the majority of public agencies are trying to reunify the biological family. This is their primary goal.
Any person looking to adopt through the foster care system should not believe that they will be able to adopt quickly from such a system. It's just not set up that way. As a foster parent your main role is to support reunification efforts. This is why fostering is not something everyone can succeed at doing. This is why children who linger in the system often experience multiple placements. Some people have rose-colored glasses on. Some misguided PAPs often think that becoming a Foster Parent is a way to "shop" or "test" out a future child...NOT. It is a dedicated role that is very taxing and initially unrewarding.
My advice, again, is to be realistic about what your expectations are and why. Infants do come into the system but mostly it is an older child who will be immediately available for adoption. And, with an older child, you will likely have to deal with the history s/he comes with. One needs a lot of support (family, friends, teachers, counselors) and strength. It can be done successfully, it has been done. There are great families out there that prove this to be true. Unfortunately, their stories are rarely heard because the negative ones remain in the limelight much longer.
Don't give up hope, just become well-informed about the system and the type of children in care and go into it with your eyes wide open.
. Has the process filled you with so much frustration that you are becoming a bitter person?.
Far from it. I have had three successful adoptions from overseas. Our first is a beautiful 30 year old woman who is making a successful life for herself. She is certainly giving back much more than she has taken.
Our "babies" are eleven years old and doing well in life and school.
While I admit there was frustration with the process-mostly for the two from Vietnam because of an unscrupulous agency and facilitator- I am filled with nothing but happiness for my three wonderful daughters and the joy they have brought to us. I do ,however, feel i have a responsibility to let PAPs and others know about possible pitfalls in adoption and to share our joys as well as our bumpy ride to get to this point. I feel if we had access to the knowledge of these possible set backs before we started our journey we could have been better prepared and fortified to endure the costly disasters along the way.
When I started this thread I focused specifically on adopting from foster care because 1) that is what I am intending to do and 2) to avoid the whole domestic vs. foreign adoption argument.
For the record, my intention is to adopt an older sibling group whose parental rights have already been terminated. I'm involved with kids in my employment, but I don't think I could handle kids coming and going in my life as a foster parent.
When I started this thread I focused specifically on adopting from foster care because 1) that is what I am intending to do and 2) to avoid the whole domestic vs. foreign adoption argument.
For the record, my intention is to adopt an older sibling group whose parental rights have already been terminated. I'm involved with kids in my employment, but I don't think I could handle kids coming and going in my life as a foster parent.
Oh goodness this was so far from being a real fight! You should see some of the "discussions" we have had on this forum in the past. Things have certainly calmed down quite a bit. Adoption is a very emotional subject and feels are very strong and we all like to offer forth our opinions. Prospective adoptive parents benefit from these discussions as long as they do their due diligence and make decisions based on their own individual resources and strengths. Good luck.
When I started this thread I focused specifically on adopting from foster care because 1) that is what I am intending to do and 2) to avoid the whole domestic vs. foreign adoption argument.
For the record, my intention is to adopt an older sibling group whose parental rights have already been terminated. I'm involved with kids in my employment, but I don't think I could handle kids coming and going in my life as a foster parent.
I'm glad that's available in your state. That would be impossible to do in my state.
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