What would you do? Lonely in Delta Junction

[maggiekate]

Originally Posted by maggiekate

hi, I feel your pain. Could you with your pastor talk about how you feel.
I do not think if you and the children are this unhappy it is good.
Could you also contact your family and go there for awhile to sort things out.
Sometimes it is best to leave rather than make you self so ill. However,
under stress it is not good to make any big decisions.

silly me I did mean to say not good! Life is for the living, and yuck, I will pray for you, and, what- if you can leave, do it.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by CLIMATECRAZY

Ok here is our issue:
We have lived in Alaska for 5 years now... In the last year we have landed the best job we could have and we are very grateful for it... The position is with Boeing and that was our goal. With that being said, we also knew that with a job in this company we can take transfers down to the states where all of our family lives.
Here is the thing, I have had cancer, ITP , Bleeding ulcers that I needed transfusions for.. and I have a really really bad time with SAD. I have learned along with being told that being in Alaska with multiple health issues is not the way to do things.. if you can help it. I would rather be down in Washington or California where I can get the best of health care that way.
The other issue are my kids. I have 5 of them and we homeschool... We don't agree with the way public schools handle things now adays and the schools in our area have other things within them that we don't like either.
Being said, we would like to put them into a private school, but there are none in Delta Junction to go to.
So my kids are like caged animals here at home and have been for the last year that we have been here.
Thing is my husband who I have stayed with for 15 years is a very temperamental person... and though many have said I should leave him, I don't just want to throw away that many years together...
He wont let us go anywhere unless we have to because it might cause wear and tear on the truck to take a 5 minute ride to the store ( the only vehicle we have) and if money is spent it has to be a needed spend or on him... or we all have to listen to it so to speak... The kids cant join anything in town to have something to do and meet other kids, cause if they do they will have no ride and even if they find a ride my husband generally will find a reason that they cant go...
I get in trouble if I buy any type of junk food such as chips or whatnot, because I am over weight and so he tells me that I should shut my fat mouth and stop eating the stuff .. and to get off my fat butt and do something.. the thing is I am not allowed to do anything past my front yard or we all get in trouble.. it isn't a physical thing.. it is a verbal and mental game that he plays.. I guess it could be worse.
I guess my question here is he has the option of taking a transfer to a position in the states with Boeing and is being very obstinate about it I think because he can control us easier here in the middle of no where... or he could take a 7 and 2 shift which would get us away from him and to be honest him away from us as I don't think he wants us around anyway...
He says no to both. He says that the 7 and 2 would be stupid and I am just an uneducated fool because then we would have to pay two rents...
He also says no about the transfer because he likes it here regardless of the kids and I not have a life out side the home.
Yet we will have to leave the rental we are in come Oct. 12th as our lease runs out at that point.
We wont have anywhere to live.
I have said to him in my anger that it will come down to the wire and we will have to do something... we cant just sit here and expect it to be alright...
Apparently I am a stupid idiot who knows nothing in regards to any of that either.
I know that I am doing a lot of venting at this moment... I am sorry for that.. I don't mean to take up a lot of your time in doing so.. I just have no one to talk to or anywhere to get advice about this. I would like to see us get the transfer then we would get better pay and be in an area that would allow the kids to go to private school as well as I would have places I could go and be able to walk to without using his truck... Here I cant do that.
The other thing is I would have good medical care and I need that..
If not the transfer though I would like to be able to do the 7 and 2... but getting him to see it the way that I do is not going to happen.. I was thinking about asking the pastor or someone from church to talk with him.. but he is good at making others see things his way.
I don't know. I just feel so alone in this and I hate watching my kids go through it as well.
Any ideas , advice or prayers would be welcomed.
Please don't email me in the private message... if you are going to respond I would greatly appreciate it through the open sector of this forum.
Thanks again ...
Lonely in Delta Junction Alaska.

Contact your family as soon as possible and get your children and yourself out of this situation ASAP!! This is no way for you or your children to live. Please do it now and keep us all posted.

[fahilia]

This type of controlling behavior is emotional abuse. I get that it isn't easy and you feel that walking away from a 15 year marriage is giving up - but can you picture living this way for another 15 or 20 years? I work with people that have been in abusive and controlling relationships, and I have talked to women that have finally asked for help at the age of 80 after being in the relationship over over 50 years. It's no way to live. It doesn't mean your husband is evil - but if he isn't interested in changing, nothing will change. If you'd be interested in talking to an advocate about what you can do to make changes for yourself and your kids, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (open 24/7 and confidential). I hope you'll reach out to someone : )

[Raven6k]

Don't let him walk all over you. Somehow, he need to change his ways or (more likely) you need to get out and take the kids with you. I know, 15 years is a long investment to the marriage. (I feel you. I sometimes question my own commitment but stick with it because of the years I've put in.) But verbal abuse and restriction of your life is not acceptable. Please do talk with your pastor, if only for yourself, and maybe to have him talk to the husband. You and your children deserve a better life. Be the active participant in making it better.
Consider that when you are in a strained family situation that gives you more stress. Stress has proven to have an affect on the body's immune system. If you can find a way to be happy in your home life this will help your body heal. (I hope this doesn't discourage you but inspire you to do something differently.)
Also Anchorage has okay health care, probably better than Delta Junction!

[sohnnenstrahl]

Hi. My husband and I will probably try to relocate to Delta Junction. We are about to have our fifth child in October. We are a Christian, homeschooling family. In your latest post you asked not to receive responses via private message. If you want to discuss further my husband's and my thoughts for you, please let me know.
I read in one of your other posts that you were leery of the other Christians in Delta Junction because you heard them to be weak in following Christian convictions. If you're still there if and when we get there, you will find that not to be the case with us. I have been so inspired by my husband as I have watched him take tens of thousands (probably hundreds by now) of dollars in losses on the basis of convictions, when it would have been easy to make money. We are not talking drugs or anything like that. We are talking refusing to sell a property near a canal to a family with kids who could drown in it, refusing to pay a price that a property owner didn't realize was too low for the market, and situations such as this.
Because of his growth in Christ and his growing Christian backbone, we have been learning how to stand in Him as He guides us, regardless of trends, popular fears and peer pressure. This applies to homeschooling, health care, church, how we dress (just covering up past our knees draws stares! we don't even wear head coverings! oh yeah, and we cover cleavage), not tuning in to junk tv, spending my husband's free time working, playing and learning together, and the list goes on. One huge item on the list, though, is marriage.
About five years ago, we were in real, big, humongous trouble. He and I both agreed we had no marriage. At that time I perceived myself to be quite under his thumb, and an unwillingness to give up one minute of custody of the kids was the only thing that kept me from leaving. We had been married four and a half years.
Enter God. I was a professing Christian, and prayed for a solution. He told me to read His Word. I went back after reading everything I could about marriage and being a wife in the Bible, and said, "You cannot be serious." Things stayed the same, maybe got a little worse, and I prayed again. Same answer. Meanwhile, a Christian cousin of mine, who had been pursuing the doctrine of Biblical femininity (NOT being a slave, cowering, acting mousy, taking abuse) shared some resources with me.
I had first to consider that God might need to change me and my attitude toward Him and my husband at least as much as He would deal with my husband, instead of continuing to assume that my husband was THE one who needed to change. I had, in fact, to relinquish all demands that he change in any way.
I read "Me? Obey Him?" by Elisabeth Handford, and some articles in the "Marriage" section by Debi Pearl on nogreaterjoy.com and an article by Nancy Campbell from aboverubies.org and more recently "Created To Be His HelpMeet" by Debi Pearl.
A sincere cry to God to do with my heart what He would, an open mind toward His message in the Word, and these experienced wives' input all began to steer our marriage and entire family life on track, not to mention health, social life and everything, as we literally give each area to Him to control. God is making a miracle out of our family, and He doesn't show any signs of stopping.
We do not sell any materials, but if you want to correspond, you can contact me. I'll be happy to share more of our experiences, because my heart went out when I read your post. I know there is hope for your family, and we will pray for you.
Also, check out the resources I mentioned.
God bless you.
Sohnnenstrahl

[WriterofWords]

Originally Posted by Kingsnkali

It might be different if your husband took a strong interest in family fun activities like fishing, music, camping, road trips across Alaska etc. A sense of wonder and adventure. It doesn't sound that way. He sounds equally miserable.

What a waste for you and your kids. Sounds like you guys have locked your world into a small box. The home schooling thing doesn't help either. A lot of kids end up bored out of their minds and eventually either rebel or become dependent in age as they haven't developed their wings.

It won't change in the lower 48 unless he changes.

It won't change unless they BOTH change.