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I moved to the DC area from Germany with my ex-husband 9 years ago for what he called a "fresh start". He had cheated on me shortly before the move while I was pregnant with my son. Needless to say, it was not a "fresh start" and we divorced. Even though I didn't have a support system in the US or any work experience, I stayed here for the sake of my children now 15 year old daughter and 9 year old son. It has been extremely difficult because the DC area is very expensive.
I remarried 1 1/2 years ago and have the opportunity to move away from here through my new husband's job. We really like the idea of moving to Albuquerque. It would be a new positive change for me, as I have had nothing but negative experiences here in DC. I feel like the change would be a good opportunity for all of us. My 15 year old daughter told me that if I move she will not go with me. She said she would stay with her dad. I'm so torn on what to do. On one hand I have sacrificed my happiness for the last 9 years for my children and would like to make a positive change for myself, but on the other hand I feel like what's another 2 years (when she graduates). But what if my son, who will be in middle school in 2 years, doesn't want to move then?
My daughter is really into Crew (rowing) with her current high school. I was hoping to entice her with information about rowing teams in Albuquerque, but I have not been able to find any information. I was told that the Rio Grande runs through the city. Are there any rowing clubs with the local high schools or universities?
Thank you.
I really feel for you Osterholz. I think it's one of the toughest balances we face. The balance between our lives and our children. If you give them everything, and are left bitter and resentful, what kind of parent can you be to them? I won't pretend to know the best answer to your particular predicament but your post really hit home because my dad once used the fear of poor schools in New Mexico and the promise of great schools in Northern Virginia to lure my sister and I away from my mom to live with and raise the step-siblings he has since left for a new start with another family.
Unfortunately, although the Rio Grande does flow through the middle of town, the sleek, long 'Crew' boats can't be found out here. The only sort of craft you'll see are flat bottoms for sport fishing and kayaks. It's like girls field hockey. Bring it up out here and people just give you a blank stare. Soccer is another one that doesn't come anywhere near the levels it's supported at out east.
In my very humble opinion, you could tell your daughter you found a Crew coach of National Champions out here in the high desert and what you'd really find is that there was always going to be some other something you'd need to make it right for her.
When I came back to New Mexico, I made a conscious choice to. I attended Freshman through Junior years in Fairfax County and told my dad I was moving back to Santa Fe for my Senior year. I already had the experience of New Mexico to know that the packed social and schools schedules leading to Ivy League colleges and life long careers wasn't the only path a person could choose. I knew that people grew up grounded and connected in New Mexico and still went on to do those things they wanted. It wasn't a jail sentence. But the differences between here and there are too great to learn, teach or sell. Life in and around the beltway is a strange little microcosm, and some people can breathe outside of it but others are never able to see another place without looking through the 'Beltway's' filter, ie:
"But what do you do without the Galleria at Tyson's Corner, or the National Mall, or Reston Town Center or the bars and clubs in Georgetown?". You can never tell someone that hiking in the Embudo Canyon in the early morning as the sun rises, just minutes from your house as you gaze at the quail and the roadrunners starting their day, can compete with the Galleria. It's something they will either get or won't. In the end it's something you feel, and only then will you know if it's right for you.
Best wishes to you on finding a fair solution for your family. From they way it sounds, you've given a lot and I don't think it would be unfair to take care of yourself. It's not like you're abandoning anyone, and when the plains indians had to pick up their lives to follow the herds, do you think the teenagers got a choice? No matter how it feels, kids today have amazing opportunities that many before them could only dream of.
Last edited by ziaAirmac; 04-28-2008 at 03:06 PM..
Osterholz, unfortunately the mighty Rio Grande is actually a very shallow and murky stream, unsuited for crew or any other type of water craft, except maybe a kayak during the brief periods where storms or spring runoff raise the water level. Otherwise, in 18 years living in Albuquerque, I have never seen a boat of any type in the Rio Grande. Nor do I know of any crew activities.
What the Albuquerque area DOES have to offer to the teen endurance athlete is high altitude X-Country and downhill skiing, endless mountain biking on desert and mountain trails, hiking in the mountains, and unique multi-event endurance competitions. My step-daughter graduated from UNM where she played water polo and studied martial arts. Elite endurance athletes from all over the world come to Albuquerque to live and train at high altitude.
BTW... Your daughter (and son, eventually) can attend UNM tuition-free on our "Lottery Scholarship". My step-daughter had all her undergraduate tuition paid for, just by maintaining a good GPA in high school.
Chas brings up an excellent point. If your daughter can get a cumlative 3.0, she can attend any New Mexico University free of charge if you move. This opportunity alone is a reason to entice her to move (but she still probably won't want to). I don't agree with ZiaAirmac on the soccer thing, it is actually one of the sports very well supported here. Big girl sports here are soccer, volleyball, basketball, and softball (soccer being byfar the biggest). Unfortunately, if you guys like water, the Southwest is the wrong part of the country to be in. However, if you like big rocky majestic mountains, you are in the right place!
... I don't agree with ZiaAirmac on the soccer thing, it is actually one of the sports very well supported here...
My bad abqsunport. I didn't mean that as an indictment of our local support relative to other sports here. I meant it more as a comparison of the resources by both families and counties that are put toward soccer in the D.C. area to our own area. Fields out there are strictly scheduled and managed to allow for all the play that occurs on them and they still look like pool tables compared to what most girls soccer teams practice on out here. There are girls by the droves that have played a lifetime of soccer, with the attendant experiences and injuries to show for it, by the time they've graduated high school.
Thank you so much for the thoughful responses. Especially ziaAirmac, it was as if you read my mind. Having lived in the fast pace Northern VA/DC area, you know exactly what it can be like. I long for the tranquility the west can offer.
What a wonderful program you have for college students. We definitely would be struggling with tuition in our income bracket. My daughter does extremely well academically, so she should be able to qualify.
We are hoping to find out soon about the position my husband has applied for.
Thanks again for all of the responses.
[SIZE=3]If I were you, I would search for some other place to resettle. I have lived here for over 40 years. The crime rate is the high (top 10%), the public schools are in the bottom 10% in the US, the university is better than nothing. The government is especially corrupt and wasteful. Other than that, the weather is great.[/SIZE]
Once again, a first time poster who automatically says the same thing. Oh what a surprise! Yoou would think that after living here for 40 years, they would have moved by now...
[SIZE=3]The crime rate is the high (top 10%), the public schools are in the bottom 10% in the US, [/SIZE]
Whaaaa??! I have never seen any statistics that would match up to these as factual at all.
Would you perhaps mind sharing the sources (with links preferrably) to where you obtained those stats?
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Thank you
