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It simply puts me off that dating in America has deteriorated to the point that it's now boiled down to filing out a job application. Dating should be fun. It should be exciting. Spontaneous, if you really want to get deep about it.
But the moment you tell people that they must measure up to some pre-defined list of requirements you might as well be telegraphing: "You may likely not be good enough for me."
If dating is truly about "adventure" then dump those rules and regulations out the window and let the chips fall where they may.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb
Did you ask the poster to define adventurous? An adventure to my husband and I was a road trip to NH and we had a fab time. Some women like backpacking or hanggliding. You have to know what she means.
And again tall is relative. I have a girlfriend who is 5'2". To her, a man who is 5'8" is practically a giant. She thinks my husband's 6'2" is freakish. (Oddly enough, tall guys adore her and they freak her out.)
AcidSnake...I think men are becoming weak. Women want Alphas. Too many men actually care what women think about them instead of focusing on themselves & their own personal success. I dont blame women for having these outer space dreams of Mr. Perfect. The weaker men who chase these women are a major part of the problem.
Well as far as I know nobody is trying to date anyone in this thread, I simply thought we were having a philosophical discussion. I've always thought it was a good idea to ask someone their meaning, but perhaps not.
I think dating should be spontaneous and fun as well, up until around age 25 or so, by all means play to your heart's content. However, marriage and child-bearing are time sensitive issues. If you don't want any kids, well this doesn't apply to you, but if you're a woman who does want children there are biological limits on when that can happen. A woman's fertility RAPIDLY DECLINES in her thirties. It's a simple biological fact and it's not like there's a heckuva lot we can do about it. As someone who has been through the nightmare of infertility I wish I'd gotten serious about dating significantly earlier than I did. I know very few black women over the age of 35 that haven't had fibroids. Fibroids are a nightmare that leaves many women infertile. For the most part if you haven't had kids by the time you're 35 there's a high possibility that you won't have them without some (very expensive) medical intervention. Obviously, this isn't a man's problem. They can simply date younger women, and many choose to do that. But let's not get it twisted, a woman who is still "playing" in her thirties is playing Russian Roulette with her ability to procreate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake
I wouldn't need to.
It simply puts me off that dating in America has deteriorated to the point that it's now boiled down to filing out a job application. Dating should be fun. It should be exciting. Spontaneous, if you really want to get deep about it.
But the moment you tell people that they must measure up to some pre-defined list of requirements you might as well be telegraphing: "You may likely not be good enough for me."
If dating is truly about "adventure" then dump those rules and regulations out the window and let the chips fall where they may.
I came on this site to look for an inexpensive dry cleaner, but I just couldn't resist commenting on this thread. Yes, dating sucks in Atlanta - especially if you are an educated, successful woman. The odds are just not in our favor - there are more single women than men in this town. In fact, I went to a large singles event last Sunday night in midtown, and the ratio of women to men was about 5:1. I now know that if I am serious about finding a great man to spend my life with, I must consider moving to a city that supports that goal.
My advice to single women who are serious about wanting to find a great guy: move to where the men are. I have lived in other large cities, and I will attest that Atlanta has been the worst for dating. Go west, and you will see your dating life greatly improve. Don't keep wasting your time hoping that things will change. Don't be passive in living the life you want. If Atlanta doesn't support the type of life you want for yourself, find a city that does. And check the male/female ratio before moving......
Conversely, if I'm a educated, successful single guy living in the west (Denver, aka "Menver") should I consider moving to somewhere like Atlanta to improve my dating scene?
Conversely, if I'm a educated, successful single guy living in the west (Denver, aka "Menver") should I consider moving to somewhere like Atlanta to improve my dating scene?
Well as far as I know nobody is trying to date anyone in this thread, I simply thought we were having a philosophical discussion. I've always thought it was a good idea to ask someone their meaning, but perhaps not.
We are having a philosophical debate. But you and me simply have a different way of carrying on the debate.
You should realize though that the approach that you have to dealing with a situation is not the end-all, be-all approach...and those are flaws I see in a lot of women here in this country sometimes. The weird part is, we men used to be accused of acting like that before the feminist movement(and still are in a lot of cases).
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb
I think dating should be spontaneous and fun as well, up until around age 25 or so, by all means play to your heart's content. However, marriage and child-bearing are time sensitive issues. If you don't want any kids, well this doesn't apply to you, but if you're a woman who does want children there are biological limits on when that can happen. A woman's fertility RAPIDLY DECLINES in her thirties. It's a simple biological fact and it's not like there's a heckuva lot we can do about it. As someone who has been through the nightmare of infertility I wish I'd gotten serious about dating significantly earlier than I did. I know very few black women over the age of 35 that haven't had fibroids. Fibroids are a nightmare that leaves many women infertile. For the most part if you haven't had kids by the time you're 35 there's a high possibility that you won't have them without some (very expensive) medical intervention. Obviously, this isn't a man's problem. They can simply date younger women, and many choose to do that. But let's not get it twisted, a woman who is still "playing" in her thirties is playing Russian Roulette with her ability to procreate.
Point taken.
But the issue is that women, black women especially, need to own up to their responsibility in their current situation. And unfortunately all of our American Corporate media seems to go all out of it's way to foster a culture where the woman is the perpetually blameless victim in every situation regardless of the circumstances.
Somewhere along the way, many(but not all) of these women may have slighted men who didn't fulfill one or two boxes in the dating application, and those boxes may likely be something as benign and silly as height, looks, and financial situation(still in college, driving a beat up old car, working a low-paying job).
And now rather than own up to their part in their current relationship situation, these women would rather be blameless and not be held accountable. And our corporate mainstream media, in its typical "divide and conquer" fashion with shows like Oprah, The View, The Talk, most Tyler Perry movies, websites like Lipstick Alley, Essence magazine and many other publications, many conventions like "For Sisters Only", are more than willing to provide the tools to allow women(especially black women) to escape personal culpability. The man's side of the story is always ignored in this situation.
Deny this situation if you want.
But the only thing denial does is continue to allow more women to have their fun in the late teens and early-to-late 20s dealing with layabouts and ne'er-do-well men, while all the time ignoring men that actually are decent...and then turning into the women you discuss in their early-to-late 30s who complain about the lack of decent men.
This vicious cycle has to stop somewhere at some point.
Last edited by AcidSnake; 12-18-2011 at 11:31 AM..
Conversely, if I'm a educated, successful single guy living in the west (Denver, aka "Menver") should I consider moving to somewhere like Atlanta to improve my dating scene?
Yes, please do . Or at least visit first to see if it works for you. Maybe I need to get over my hatred of cold weather and consider a move to Denver myself.
And to quickly answer the "adventurous" comments - all I meant is that I am looking for someone who loves life, wants to experience as much of it as possible, and doesn't want to spend every second on the couch watching TV. A nice hike at a state park or a weekend trip to Asheville would both be nice.
Most assuredly, but I'm sure you understand that in a philosophical debate, I think it's reasonable for me to discuss MY philosophies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake
We are having a philosophical debate. But you and me simply have a different way of carrying on the debate.
You should realize though that the approach that you have to dealing with a situation is not the end-all, be-all approach...and those are flaws I see in a lot of women here in this country sometimes. The weird part is, we men used to be accused of acting like that before the feminist movement(and still are in a lot of cases).
I can't comment on any of this because I loathe Tyler Perry movies, haven't read Essence since I was in my teens (Primarily because of their wrongheaded views on relationships. It's funny because I've always thought that magazine was too man-focused for a woman's magazine. A friend pointed out an article about women finding men in strip clubs. Seriously?!?) I do watch Oprah and read her magazine, but I haven't seen her do any stories on black women and relationships. Maybe it was before my time.
Again, I've most assuredly known women who rejected dudes for their beater cars and lack of money, but those women are usually the "dime pieces" that all the guys seem to be clamoring for. It's a free market I guess they can put any requirement on their time that they like. Most of my friends have dated any number of guys who had a little less. I think it's interesting that the guys who complain about this are always after these type women, while passing over the women who'd be delighted to have them. I've seen this a lot with my male friends. Most unfortunate, but hey, there you go.
Quote:
Point taken.
But the issue is that women, black women especially, need to own up to their responsibility in their current situation. And unfortunately all of our American Corporate media seems to go all out of it's way to foster a culture where the woman is the perpetually blameless victim in every situation regardless of the circumstances.
Somewhere along the way, many(but not all) of these women may have slighted men who didn't fulfill one or two boxes in the dating application, and those boxes may likely be something as benign and silly as height, looks, and financial situation(still in college, driving a beat up old car, working a low-paying job).
And now rather than own up to their part in their current relationship situation, these women would rather be blameless and not be held accountable. And our corporate mainstream media, in its typical "divide and conquer" fashion with shows like Oprah, The View, The Talk, most Tyler Perry movies, websites like Lipstick Alley, Essence magazine and many other publications, many conventions like "For Sisters Only", are more than willing to provide the tools to allow women(especially black women) to escape personal culpability. The man's side of the story is always ignored in this situation.
Can we get a little consistency here? I thought you wanted dating to be "fun and spontaneous." Now you're castigating women for having fun in their twenties. Which one is it? I would think the time to deal with layabouts and n'er do wells is when you're out just having a good time. Then you put away childish things and get real when you're grown. Certainly men have always been encouraged to "sow their wild oats" and play the field with a certain type of women in their youth, then find a "nice girl" to settle down with. It seems that young women are essentially doing the same. Seems like a reasonable approach to me.
Quote:
But the only thing denial does is continue to allow more women to have their fun in the late teens and early-to-late 20s dealing with layabouts and ne'er-do-well men, while all the time ignoring men that actually are decent...and then turning into the women you discuss in their early-to-late 30s who complain about the lack of decent men.
This vicious cycle has to stop somewhere at some point.
Yes, please do . Or at least visit first to see if it works for you. Maybe I need to get over my hatred of cold weather and consider a move to Denver myself.
And to quickly answer the "adventurous" comments - all I meant is that I am looking for someone who loves life, wants to experience as much of it as possible, and doesn't want to spend every second on the couch watching TV. A nice hike at a state park or a weekend trip to Asheville would both be nice.
If u want to get married move to either Columbus,ga, dover delaware, san Diego, or near that big military base in Colorado
Can we get a little consistency here? I thought you wanted dating to be "fun and spontaneous." Now you're castigating women for having fun in their twenties. Which one is it? I would think the time to deal with layabouts and n'er do wells is when you're out just having a good time. Then you put away childish things and get real when you're grown. Certainly men have always been encouraged to "sow their wild oats" and play the field with a certain type of women in their youth, then find a "nice girl" to settle down with. It seems that young women are essentially doing the same. Seems like a reasonable approach to me.
Nice hit-job.
You are ignoring the main point of my message by cherry-picking and taking out-of-context some of my statements just so that you can reinforce your own bias and further your own pro-feminist/puritanism supremacy agenda. Let's revisit my quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake
But the only thing denial does is continue to allow more women to have their fun in the late teens and early-to-late 20s dealing with layabouts and ne'er-do-well men, while all the time ignoring men that actually are decent...and then turning into the women you discuss in their early-to-late 30s who complain about the lack of decent men.
This vicious cycle has to stop somewhere at some point.
Could've swore the whole point of this post was about the choices women make in men. And I also could've swore that I specifically was talking about women who had fun in their early years dealing with layabouts and ne'er-do-well men. And...that they should stop complaining about the results of their poor decision making in later years.
After all, we men are always told to man-up and face the consequences of our decisions. It's only fair that women should do the same. Is that not true equality?
But it seems though, that you are only interested in furthering your own agenda. Not in having an honest and blunt discussion about male & female dating/marriage relations in Atlanta/America; why it sucks and what to do about it.
Pity.
Oh well. Japan, here I come!
Last edited by AcidSnake; 12-18-2011 at 01:04 PM..
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. Or at least visit first to see if it works for you. Maybe I need to get over my hatred of cold weather and consider a move to Denver myself. 
