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In in interest of being proactive, you know, just in case, why not just buy a fully refundable airline ticket for her in advance? That is of course assuming finances will allow for it.
If I am not seeing any attempts at making these changes by early February, I will go ahead and buy a one way refundable ticket for her. Notice I said one way, if no changes occur then I think like it or not my brothers can figure something out.
She definitely pulls the "I am not emotionally ready to live on my own" but I am hopeful
How long has this situation been this way now? At least a year right?
Hope went out the window months ago, hon.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but if it were me and my mother was pulling this, I'd be using this next 4 months before my big vacation to take my mother to the places she can afford and make her get out of the car and see them. I would be telling her she is moving out and not caving it to wheedling from her. Get her on the same page and get her to realize this.is.happening.now. None of this "I promise I'll do better" crap. She sounds like a five-year-old and that's how she should be treated, "You should have done that all last year and now I'm done. If I can't get you to care about yourself, you need to do it on your own. You're a grown-ass woman and it's time for you to act like one."
{{{hugs}}}
ETA: Saw the plan to buy the one-way plane ticket. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
Oh gosh I had to go back and reread and make sure my wording wasn't wrong, the 16 yr old is not the one needing to be cared for, he is pretty self sufficient, the issue was him at 16 being put a position to have to "care" for his grandmother, should her lack of attention to her health cause a crisis while we were gone (I do recognize that even if she had been taking care of herself all this time, she could still have a health crisis while we were gone). I truly had no issues about leaving him here, I have wonderful neighbors and my in-laws are close enough should there be an emergency with him. However, I did not feel comfortable asking my neighbors or my in-laws to include my mother in that looking out, considering she is not senile she simply does not want to follow a few guidelines to help maintain her health.
As far as the not controlling others, it has been hard for me, I tend not to look at it as trying to control her (but I guess others would probably see it differently) more just an attempt to get her to recognize that there is life after death, there is even a full life with serious health conditions and so I am sure it comes across as me trying to control her but that truly isn't my intention. I see how much she has to offer and give to others but that can't happen in her bedroom, unless of course if she worked some sort of crisis hotline from home.
My brain totally flipped the words regarding your 16 year old!
It totally makes sense you wouldn't want to leave your 16 year old in charge of your mother.
I hope your mom is able to meet the expecations you've set for her. But mostly I think it's great you had a good conversation about those expecations/standards, and that it was handled so well on both sides.
As I recall from some of your earlier posts, that's a really great progression!
Congratulations on your coming grandchild! Hope you and your husband have a wonderful, happy trip to see your family.
It sounds like you have a perfect cut-off time for Mom with your child graduating high school. Definitely start looking now for senior subsidized apartments with her and get on the waiting list, if there is one.
If they are not available in your area, check out apartments in general since her financial problems have improved. You and your husband need to live your own life in your home after years of caregiving for children and now your mother. If she stays beyond your last child, it might be more difficult to remove her and your husband indicated this was his limit (understandable).
Your mother is so young! I realize she has health issues but it seems like they could be controlled somewhat by her cooperation with the doc's advice. Her choice or her loss.
Best of luck and please keep us informed - we are in your corner!
I didn't see the original posts about your mother so forgive my questions. How old is your mother and what is wrong with her?
69 and has CHF, secondary pulmonary hypertension, sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure (finally under control) morbidly obese and bone on bone in one knee, knee replacement in the other that she hasn't utilized correctly so having pain
In in interest of being proactive, you know, just in case, why not just buy a fully refundable airline ticket for her in advance? That is of course assuming finances will allow for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom
If I am not seeing any attempts at making these changes by early February, I will go ahead and buy a one way refundable ticket for her. Notice I said one way, if no changes occur then I think like it or not my brothers can figure something out.
Heck, if I was in your situation I would have bought Mom a one-way ticket to live with one of her sons back home many months ago.It is their turn to "figure it out". You have put in more than your share of time, energy and expense. The problem with giving a deadline such as when your youngest graduates from HS in two years is so much can happen in that time. What if a week before graduation she falls and breaks a bone or has a moderate health issue. It may not be enough to put her in a nursing home but it may be enough for her not to be able to fly to Texas to live with her sons and be "required" to stay at your house until she gets better (if she ever gets better).
Come on man. That might fly in other forums, but not the Caregiving forum. Not cool.
What did I do wrong? I am sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my intent.
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