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Dressing "somewhat fashionably" and good grooming are life skills that my wife teaches our boys... BTW seeing her pick out outfits for our female nieces and friend's female children makes me think how insane it would be if we did have a girl - but I digress.
We don't shop at high end clothing stores and she even started sewing some pajamas from her new found skills due to lessons locally (reminding me I wanted to start a sewing thread as I am amazed what she can do with a sewing machine since moving down here)...
So it's not just about "little girls" - there's nothing wrong with taking some time to look decent before going out and I continually thank my lucky stars that she takes the time to help the boys dress and groom decently... because if it was up to me they'd be flat headed hair, mismatched sweats, and T-shirts everyday. She also takes the time to look good herself... even if it means just driving the boys to sports or swimming or whatever.
Caring about your personal and children's appearance don't automagically make you pretentious.
You sound like the women I know who have moved here, are quite happy here, are not trying to impress anyone - and are just trying to live a quality life - like most of us.
I don't know if one would label it "snobbery" or not . . . I personally see it as a matter of self respect, but I, too, don't appear in public unless I am well put together and don't think any of us should have to apologize for doing so, lol.
I never notice snobbery. If a person has a personality that is pleasing to me and they can accept my warped sense of humor and other of my characteristics, I am fine and nothing else matters and visa versa. Like you, I have always had friends in high places, but if they made it obvious by indicating they had (have) a sense of superiority, I wouldn't associate with them. As you say, snobbery isn't the same as pretentiousness. Personally, neither fit into my social group.
Dressing "somewhat fashionably" and good grooming are life skills that my wife teaches our boys... BTW seeing her pick out outfits for our female nieces and friend's female children makes me think how insane it would be if we did have a girl - but I digress.
We don't shop at high end clothing stores and she even started sewing some pajamas from her new found skills due to lessons locally (reminding me I wanted to start a sewing thread as I am amazed what she can do with a sewing machine since moving down here)...
So it's not just about "little girls" - there's nothing wrong with taking some time to look decent before going out and I continually thank my lucky stars that she takes the time to help the boys dress and groom decently... because if it was up to me they'd be flat headed hair, mismatched sweats, and T-shirts everyday. She also takes the time to look good herself... even if it means just driving the boys to sports or swimming or whatever.
Caring about your personal and children's appearance don't automagically make you pretentious.
There are a lot of things that make up pretentiousness, but good grooming is not one of those criteria, lol.
Pretending one is well-educated and wealthy when one's grammar, style, and social skills say something else is gonna get folks labeled "pretentious."
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
Wasn't sure about that from my perspective, either, SB, but I did think to myself whether that was something basically "Southern" or basically for anyone over 50, hee hee.
LOL, of course some of the Southern sayings repeat in the Midwest. Also, as you know, Southerns from the Deep South, North Carolinians, & Virginians moved into South Jersey & Philadelphia during the 20th century. In the 1960s Midwesterners (including my family) & New Yorkers moved into South Jersey. I've always heard it, but not much with, say, the 30 & younger group.
Well. I have been misread or perhaps you are putting a context into my words that you WANT to be there.
First of all, if you had posted with me longer, you would know that almost all my close friends here are newcomers. But they are not mommies with kids in school. That is why I made that distinction. I have little experience with those mommies and how they act - I very rarely have an occasion to interact with them. All I know is what people have told me goes on in their neighborhoods (and I am speaking of NEWCOMERS and what they tell me about the way other NEWCOMERS act). I was responding to what others have said (on this thread) about these S CLT mommies and passing on what I have heard and what little I have personally observed.
And yes, there are many people who have moved here and think they are acting like Southerners and have acquired this crazy wannabe Southern thing that is not Southern at all. But as I said - I am not mingling with mommies at the Y b/c they are not my age group. I don't go to the Y.
I have NO PROBLEMS with newcomers at all and it really irks me that you would try to infer that I do. I am glad to see the expansion of retail and restaurants, in specific, wh/ has occurred precisely b/c of folks moving here. The PROBLEMS I see are squarely on the shoulders of city fathers. They did not handle the growth well and so we have problems with traffic and overloaded schools, for example.
You have completely misread my statement when I said that if what folks are seeing is pretentious folks in S. Charlotte, then it doesn't matter how much I try to describe it otherwise - it is what it is - and it is that way b/c of pretentious people who have moved here. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between snobbery and pretentiousness. S. Charlotte has always been an area for SNOBBERY but that is not pretentiousness. For one thing, people with real wealth are rarely interested in trying to impress anyone, because they do not have to! Hello! But we weren't discussing SNOBBERY, we were discussing PRETENTIOUSNESS. I will be glad to outline what it means to be a snob if you wish. And if you want to describe S. CLT as traditionally being a hang out for snobs, then I will agree with you - especially in regard to the NATIVES.
As for my calling a spade a spade, why on this god's green earth would you protest that? If they are fake wannabe Southerners, as obviously these folks ARE, then why pretend they are something else?
People who move here and are in MY AGE GROUP don't display this silliness, at least not in my experience. They have brought with them wonderful traditions that I have incorporated into my life. I do not see any of the pretentious behavior and only occasionally, some snobbery. I moved back here 9 years ago, and the people I found most interested in being friendly and creating friendships were the NEWCOMERS. Thus, other than my family members and some folks from high school and college, I have friends who are all NEWCOMERS from New York and New Jersey (and one from PA). Is that plain enough?
I don't want that impression to be there. I like most of your posts so obviously I don't want that to be the case, but like I said, that is just the impression I get sometimes. It really is only sometimes though, because I know you provide great advice to those looking to move here, and do remember you saying that many of your friends are newcomers. But I've seen several different posts in regards to negative aspects of Charlotte where you've chimed in saying something like "to be fair, it is not the natives that caused this," often times when there was no mention of natives/transplants previously. Even in the "C-D re: transplants" thread, you made a point of mentioning that only two of the responders were natives, even though most of the transplants that responded clearly stated themselves that they were not natives. To me, sometimes this comes off as you having a negative opinion of newcomers. So forgive me if I got the wrong impression, after all it is not always easy to get the true meaning of what someone is saying on an internet forum.
I don't want that impression to be there. I like most of your posts so obviously I don't want that to be the case, but like I said, that is just the impression I get sometimes. It really is only sometimes though, because I know you provide great advice to those looking to move here, and do remember you saying that many of your friends are newcomers. But I've seen several different posts in regards to negative aspects of Charlotte where you've chimed in saying something like "to be fair, it is not the natives that caused this," often times when there was no mention of natives/transplants previously. Even in the "C-D re: transplants" thread, you made a point of mentioning that only two of the responders were natives, even though most of the transplants that responded clearly stated themselves that they were not natives. To me, sometimes this comes off as you having a negative opinion of newcomers. So forgive me if I got the wrong impression, after all it is not always easy to get the true meaning of what someone is saying on an internet forum.
Thank you for explaining, GoPhils. Yes, it is sometimes hard to interpret things online - especially when doing quick responses.
I wish I understood where you are coming from b/c you put me in the position where I felt I had to respond to something that is a non-issue to me - if that makes sense. It comes across that you have a theory that there is some type of basic hostility b/n long time residents of this city and newcomers, but maybe I am misinterpreting you.
I am concerned about the sprawl and the way the city/county has not been able to keep up with infrastructure - that is the thing that concerns me about the growth of the area. People moved here - A LOT OF PEOPLE. It hasn't been that long ago that CLT was home to only 350K people. That is a huge amount of growth. I think some folks, not being aware of what Charlotte was like 20 to 30 years ago, just have no grasp of how that growth has impacted the city, b/c many of the folks who have moved here are from areas that were already densely populated - so they have no frame of reference.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
23,814 posts, read 34,666,340 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoPhils
I don't want that impression to be there. I like most of your posts so obviously I don't want that to be the case, but like I said, that is just the impression I get sometimes. It really is only sometimes though, because I know you provide great advice to those looking to move here, and do remember you saying that many of your friends are newcomers. But I've seen several different posts in regards to negative aspects of Charlotte where you've chimed in saying something like "to be fair, it is not the natives that caused this," often times when there was no mention of natives/transplants previously. Even in the "C-D re: transplants" thread, you made a point of mentioning that only two of the responders were natives, even though most of the transplants that responded clearly stated themselves that they were not natives. To me, sometimes this comes off as you having a negative opinion of newcomers. So forgive me if I got the wrong impression, after all it is not always easy to get the true meaning of what someone is saying on an internet forum.
GoPhils, the transplants who Ani is referring to are possibly the siblings, cousins, or neighbors of the transplants who streamed into South Jersey in the boom, driving up prices of housing & complaining, complaining & complaining.
I like them hidden, except when I have to go find the place!
Ballantyne is in the South and based people that I have met that live there, it is definitely more conservative than most of the North. Maybe that is what the OP means by uptight.
Funny, she says we are "uptight" yet others argue that southerners are "laid back," I wish they would make up their minds.
You sound like the women I know who have moved here, are quite happy here, are not trying to impress anyone - and are just trying to live a quality life - like most of us.
I don't know if one would label it "snobbery" or not . . . I personally see it as a matter of self respect, but I, too, don't appear in public unless I am well put together and don't think any of us should have to apologize for doing so, lol.
You are absolutely right Ani, dressing properly is a matter of self respect, and so is trying to be healthy as far as I'm concerned. Why would someone see that as a way to impress others is beyond me.
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Also, as you know, Southerns from the Deep South, North Carolinians, & Virginians moved into South Jersey & Philadelphia during the 20th century. In the 1960s Midwesterners (including my family) & New Yorkers moved into South Jersey. I've always heard it, but not much with, say, the 30 & younger group.
And if you want to describe S. CLT as traditionally being a hang out for snobs, then I will agree with you - especially in regard to the NATIVES.
