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My wife uses "kiss ma grits" all the time, but I've never seen the insult in that? And in all seriousness, 99% of the time you BYH, it really is just a phrase and I don't think people should give it must thought. The giver is likely being sarcastic or sympathetic, so who cares? I wouldn't get sensitive over it...
Not all areas in NY are the same. I think Brooklyn/SI are their own planet and are totally different from Manhattan which is worlds different from Queens.
I think "Forget about it" is mostly used in the Brooklyn/SI or Downtown Manhattan area and I've never heard it being used scarcastically.
I think it's usually a euphemism for "you're pathetic." Or maybe "you're beyond hope." My Southern friend says it about her own child, because he looks like her husband. The husband is not a great looking guy. As in "Yes, W looks like Doug. Bless his heart, we all need to pray for him." So it can be a good-natured ribbing, too. It's all in the delivery and the context.
In my experience Bless your heart has always meant to convey sorry you are going through that or I'm sorry that's happenning to you. I have never experienced a negative from this phrase. My Great Aunt used to say it all the time. It was really sweet.
I think it's usually a euphemism for "you're pathetic." Or maybe "you're beyond hope." My Southern friend says it about her own child, because he looks like her husband. The husband is not a great looking guy. As in "Yes, W looks like Doug. Bless his heart, we all need to pray for him." So it can be a good-natured ribbing, too. It's all in the delivery and the context.
That has to be the worst way I have ever heard of the phrase being used.
It's not what Southerners say as much as how they say it; listen to their tone of voice, and look into their eyes. If you listen and observe, pretty soon you will understand.
I have heard this expression my entire life. In MOST contexts, it is an expression used for consoling, empathizing, showing genuine concern, expressing sorrow or, in some cases, a declaration of shock.
"She didn't get to come to lunch with us because she has the flu...bless her heart."
After seeing something awful that happened to someone on the news, or hearing of a bad situation or tragedy from someone else, whether or not you even knew the person: "Oh my goodness...bless her/his heart!"
To use it in the negative sense, this would be a good example:
(Said with mock disappointment to someone you don't care for and really didn't want to see):
"Oh, you didn't get to go on the company cruise because your back was out...well, bless your heart." (This is a Southern passive-aggressive "jab" said by genteel ladies who were taught not to show anger or "ugly" behavior, but feel the need to express it somehow. It allows them to say "mean" things with a safety net because if the other person should ever "call them out on it" they can say:
1) You must have a problem.
2) You misunderstood.
3) It was a joke.
LOL!
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