Been in Naperville for 6 months, feeling kind of bummed. (Chicago: fit in, neighborhoods)

[kulik44]

So I relocated to Naperville for work back in March. I am in my mid -20s and graduated from college 1 yr ago. I moved from out of state and really had no connections in the area prior to moving. My issue is I am having trouble meeting people/forming friendships. I know this is a common problem for people my age but I am seeking any sort of insight to this dilemma. I have sought many outlets- Meetup, joined sports leagues- basketball, flag football. I am even taking a class at a local college. I am still having trouble making any sort of true relationships.

Over the past 6 months i have found it is really difficult to form a bond with someone of which you have nothing in common. It would be easiest to start with people at work, but again, 90% of my office is 30+.
I guess the big issue is that I have met tons of people so far but not too many my age range. When I participate in these meetup events, i notice a majority of the members are 30ish, married, divorced and/or with kids. This is the case with a majority of the people that i have met up with here. The problem with being 24 and moving to a suburb is there are very few others my age relocating to the burbs. Therefore, any of the 20 somethings - young professionals in the area are most likely from the area and have their own clique.

I have contemplated moving to the city but I couldnt deal with the commute. I feel the best opportunities are here in Naperville amongst any of the other suburbs. Perhaps, it is just an issue that these things take time and I just need to put myself out there as much as possible and wait it out. It can get really depressing but I love the Chicago area- just need more people to enjoy it with.

Im probably just making excuses but any advice or tips from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks!

[CSD610]

Don't give up just yet and expand your age limit for friends. Most of my friends are about 10 years older than I am and sometimes it just takes time to get out there and meet new people. It seems you are doing what you can to put yourself out there and taking classes is a good start. Whatever your interest are is a good place to start as well, do a search for groups in the city or in and around Naperville and join something. Shoot darts maybe, do origami, find a community garden, whatever your interest is. It will happen and you will wonder why you were so worried about it before. Good luck in whatever you choose.

[Lud Kissel]

Sounds like you're doing everything right, but man there must be something wrong with you if you can't make friends with people after doing all the B.S. you have done. I'm not trying to be an a---hole but you need to make your own way with the mobs of people in downtown Naperville. Go to the bars and start talking to people and get some friends. If your looking for that great life long friend it most likely is not going to happen.

[IAmEverywhere]

Downtown Naperville is lively. But it's not that varied socially. Not fitting into it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

You are unfortunately correct that people originally from the area have their own cliques. Furthermore, even they often move on by the time they hit their mid-20's.

You would think that having a college right next to downtown would expand social outlets for people in their 20's. But in this case, it really doesn't. There is very little social mixing between students there and Naperville-area residents.

Reading between the lines, I think the real issue is stage of life rather than age. Yes, Naperville tends to be full of people who are over 30. But that's secondary to the fact that these people have already started families. You're at a completely different stage of life. And Naperville just doesn't cater to your stage of life for the most part. The vast majority of the social life in Chicagoland for people who are single is in specific city neighborhoods and a few suburbs adjacent to the city.

[bostonguy1960]

I read a similar complaint on the Boston board last month. He had joined many groups and activities, like you, but no luck.

You may be able to find the thread and read the responses, if you're curious.

Just letting you know you're not alone...

[chisub]

The only places I've made real friends when moving to a new state/city were at work or school. I volunteered, did some running groups, etc. and while the people were friendly it just didn't result in real friendships. The other thing that it took me awhile to realize was that just b/c I'm not BFF with people, it doesn't mean they can't be a good friend. I kind of had to redefine friendship. That being said, any chance you could pick up a shift or two at a local restaurant/bar? Those types of jobs are usually pretty laid-back and have more young people vs. your typical office job.

[mattywo85]

Its hard to get involved with people that have such a strong click already but once you're in....well you're in for good! Its kind of like a up and coming alpha trying to join his pride, he has to prove himself.

[almost3am]

I was thinking back when I moved to LA in my 20s and all the people I met during that time. There are very few I still keep in touch with, although I met tons of people and did lots of things. I was going out with people 10 and 20 years older, I also at one point had a group of lower 20-something people when I was 30. Many times I didn't fit in, but I kept doing stuff until I met good people, but it took years to find really GOOD friends. My best friend from LA is 20 years older than me, but we shared a love of hiking the mountains.

I would meet people and we would talk about doing stuff, so I would just call them, which always made me nervous. Eventually you meet more and more people until you find good connections. I found sports teams worked well for me, but I would to go out with them after games and call them to do stuff to get the friendships started outside of the games.

My best friends are still my high school friends, which live two hours away.

[BRU67]

Originally Posted by kulik44

So I relocated to Naperville for work back in March. I am in my mid -20s and graduated from college 1 yr ago. I moved from out of state and really had no connections in the area prior to moving. My issue is I am having trouble meeting people/forming friendships. I know this is a common problem for people my age but I am seeking any sort of insight to this dilemma. I have sought many outlets- Meetup, joined sports leagues- basketball, flag football. I am even taking a class at a local college. I am still having trouble making any sort of true relationships.

Over the past 6 months i have found it is really difficult to form a bond with someone of which you have nothing in common. It would be easiest to start with people at work, but again, 90% of my office is 30+.
I guess the big issue is that I have met tons of people so far but not too many my age range. When I participate in these meetup events, i notice a majority of the members are 30ish, married, divorced and/or with kids. This is the case with a majority of the people that i have met up with here. The problem with being 24 and moving to a suburb is there are very few others my age relocating to the burbs. Therefore, any of the 20 somethings - young professionals in the area are most likely from the area and have their own clique.

I have contemplated moving to the city but I couldnt deal with the commute. I feel the best opportunities are here in Naperville amongst any of the other suburbs. Perhaps, it is just an issue that these things take time and I just need to put myself out there as much as possible and wait it out. It can get really depressing but I love the Chicago area- just need more people to enjoy it with.

Im probably just making excuses but any advice or tips from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be appreciated. Thanks!

I have been. Suburbs are inherently going to be difficult for a young single. As you said, most residents in these areas not still moving in their high school cliques are going to be married and doing couple-based things when it comes to socializing. Should you befriend them, they won't really know what to do with you except to try to set you up with someone so you too become a couple and thus no longer a third wheel, LOL! That can be good but I learned that those set ups are of wildly varying degrees of quality, with the general rule being the older the group, the more hit-or-miss the attempts will be. For a person in their mid-20s interacting with an older group of couple friends, probably a lot more on the miss side.

It may be a PIA but you will have to involve yourself in activities where you will meet other singles in the age range you are looking for. It's probably not just going to fall in your lap out there. Cooking classes, acting classes, sport/social clubs, things like that which you are already doing. Keep at it. And you may have to go into the City if you want a large pool of young, single professionals. Probably not what you want to hear but it is what it is.

[oakparkdude]

If I were you, I'd seriously consider relocating to Chicago.