Is Chicago truly friendly?? (Lincoln, Manhattan: transplants, universities, gated)

[marothisu]

Originally Posted by downtownnola

I am definitely the "work hard and get it done" type as well, but I'm also very sociable and friendly. I sincerely enjoy getting to know other people... their background, where they came from, etc (perhaps that's why I find relocation forums such as this so entertaining).

I'm the same way. Haven't had a problem getting to know people though. My first 8 or so months were tough only because I didn't know anyone and thought that I'd only meet people while going to general bars and what not. Yeah, I met people but it's not like I wanted to call any of them a good friend. Then a guy started talking to me at a lounge one night and I became great friends with him, and then was introduced to his friends. My best friend here is a friend of his.

I've considered doing volunteer work or perhaps joining a meetup group to get to know some people. So far, I've just had trouble connecting, which has never been a problem for me.

This is always the best bet. Think about it this way - if you go to a regular old bar, there's no starting point of what you may have in common with someone. If you're volunteering or at a meetup for something you're interested in, you already know that many of you share a common interest. Go to those, certain concerts, etc etc. I've met many people doing these things. I don't think it's harder to talk to anybody at a regular old bar BUT I do think it's harder to find people at those types of places that you'd actually want to be close friends with. Sometimes you find it, but it's a lot harder to find that. Nonetheless, if you're at a bar and you are getting a drink and start talking to someone and don't come off as weird, they will talk to you more times than not. I've done this many times and people have started talking to me many times as well.

[Lookout Kid]

Well, I will say that I often have people on the street smile and me and try to strike up a conversation, and they usually want something--be it money, a signature on a petition, or some sort of scam. Nothing good ever comes from it, and you become cynical and jaded. When my wife first moved here in the 1990's, someone struck up a conversation with her on a train platform as an accomplice picked her pocket. Welcome to Chicago!

Manners are another thing entirely. I always try to hold open doors for people, move to the right on escalators, wait for people at elevators, and am even a somewhat courteous driver.

[Frank the Tank]

Originally Posted by probablyimnotsure

I think the OP is looking for "laid-back" type of people. People that are laid-back generally come off as happier. At least that's what I'm getting.

Yeah, that's my impression. I don't personally think "laid back" automatically equals "friendly", but know that a lot of people might think that way at a superficial level.

On that front, Chicago certainly isn't a laid back city. This is a pretty nose-to-the-grindstone-type of place with a "Work hard, play hard" attitude. Obviously, this is just a mass generalization (as you'll find every type of person in a metro area of 9 million people), but our overall culture is going to feel fast paced compared to virtually every other city in the country outside of the Boston/NYC/DC corridor (and for many people, a slower pace is inherently perceived to be more "friendly", although I'd personally disagree).

[Back to NE]

I lived in Chicago and spend time there almost annually because of family.

I think Chicagoans are actually more pretentious and snooty than other big city dwellers. They are more likely to think they are cool just being urban, maybe because so many come from Midwestern small towns. And there are a huge number of foodies, not interesting ones like Anthony Bourdain, just folks who must have the best food and wine and must critisize those who might eat at a chain restaraunt.

That said, I think making friends in Chicago is on the easy side. Middle aged and older people go out more than in the Eastern cities I know.

[mjtinmemphis]

Originally Posted by downtownnola

I definitely agree that the weather has probably had an impact on peoples' moods. I know that this winter has been awful, and I arrived last fall, just in time for it.

I've just found it a bit more difficult to connect with people here. I moved here from Denver, which is a bit more laid back, so I know that has a lot to do with it. Even at my office, I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of strangers even though I work with them every day. Most of the people don't really interact while filling up their coffee cup and it's rare for people to go out to lunch together. It may be the luck of the draw... I'm sure there are workplaces here that are much different. I suppose I'm just adjusting to the less sociable culture

Someone else also asked which neighborhood I live in. I live in Andersonville and work in Streeterville.

I think you will be just fine. Give it a chance. You're in a great area. The friendly thing is over exaggerated for any city. It's all about you and how you use the city and it's resources. They say it take around two years to adopt a city as your own. You're well on your way.

[Chicago60614]

I find people here to be very down to earth and friendly. Probably the most pretentious I found were DC and S. Cal.

[probablyimnotsure]

Originally Posted by Chicago60614

I find people here to be very down to earth and friendly. Probably the most pretentious I found were DC and S. Cal.

Southern California is not pretentious, it's a very working class area. Someone might think Northern California is pretentious because of the intellectual atmosphere, I can see that.

[PerseusVeil]

Originally Posted by probablyimnotsure

Southern California is not pretentious, it's a very working class area. Someone might think Northern California is pretentious because of the intellectual atmosphere, I can see that.

Maybe not all of SoCal, but I'd definitely say that LA comes off as more pretentious than Chicago.

[stephei2000]

Originally Posted by Frank the Tank

Yeah, that's my impression. I don't personally think "laid back" automatically equals "friendly", but know that a lot of people might think that way at a superficial level.

On that front, Chicago certainly isn't a laid back city. This is a pretty nose-to-the-grindstone-type of place with a "Work hard, play hard" attitude. Obviously, this is just a mass generalization (as you'll find every type of person in a metro area of 9 million people), but our overall culture is going to feel fast paced compared to virtually every other city in the country outside of the Boston/NYC/DC corridor (and for many people, a slower pace is inherently perceived to be more "friendly", although I'd personally disagree).

This is true. Chicago is not a laid back city. There are friendly people in the city, but is not an overall friendly laid back energy like the OP is use in Denver. It is shocking how many security guard are everywhere in nice areas and places like Whole Foods for example. Little things like that I notice and make me feel uneasy. In addition, I think friendly and laid back can easily cross over. I do not necessarily see it as fake or superficial. It is just not being uptight, defensive, and that everyone is not out to get you feeling.

That is probably the vibe the OP is feeling, and he seems like an energy type of person that really absorbs his surroundings.


The OP could make friends, join groups, and participate in many activities. But if his energy comes from people being friendly, laid back and relaxed upbeat feeling with just a lot different random people. I would say do not stay in Chicago too long. It will probably drain your energy because you will generally not find this here.

There is uptight energy here. Others absorb it, and some people don't. I think Marothisu stated it earlier that random people are not a priority when you are passing by your everyday life. Basically most people in the city do not really care about your feelings and sometimes tell it like it is which can be hurtful.

I think the OP thinks from how people feel perspective because if you are the type that feels energy around them, you are conscious of other people's feelings so you try to be as friendly so you will not hurt someone's else's feelings.

Lastly, I think it did not help that all the hype of Chicago friendliness has been posted. To the OP, you have to work hard to make friends here, it will not come you. Living in the city does not equal instant social life. You have to work super hard at it in Chicago and will not emphasize this. This is what a lot of people on this message board leave out and then your expectations come out of whack and if your the mingling laid back type outside of events that involve drinking, you might be disappointed and run into trouble.
People will not just mingle and have conversations with you for the most part even at some organized events. This is my definition of friendliness and was expecting that. You might be around a lot of events, people and activities. But you are not wrong about the energy you are feeling.
Overall the energy especially in the popular neighborhoods is uptight and clickly. I know other can say that they are might be shy, but overall I think it more of an uptight vibe and people trying to keep up their game face.

[Standard111]

I haven't read all the comments, but no, Chicago is not known as a friendly town. You don't get many smiles or thank-yous.

In that respect it reminds me of Canada and the Pacific NW. It's a little cold in terms of the human element. It isn't "in your face" like the Northeast, it isn't "in your business" like the South, it isn't "casual and cool with everything" like the West. It isn't even similar to other Midwest cities like Detroit or Indy, which are generally friendly.

That isn't to say that Chicagoans are rude. They just aren't particularly warm.