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You can't "walk away" from being homosexual. You were born that way and you'll always be that way. You could choose to be celibate, but you'd still be a celibate homosexual. It's too bad your religious beliefs, your family, and your church make you think you're so unworthy of being yourself. That's the egregious sin here, not homosexuality.
So BDubLR I think the choice you have made is great and I wish the best for you.
I just want to offer this piece of advice. And I quoted the above for a reason. Churches and groups that are "supportive" of gay folk are going to have this ^^^ POV. Gayness is a poltical PC lifestyle and anyone who even suggests that one can be healed or turn away from being Gay is from the stone age.
I don't know how it is in your town, but I know of several major evangelical churches in my area that would welcome you with open arms. You would find tremendous support. It is ironic that the churches that support the gay lifestyle would not be so welcoming towards someone who wanted to go from being gay to straight.
May the Lord bless you and give you the relationships that you crave.
And just to add, I had a son up until two years ago. Now I have a daughter instead. I'm OK with it.
First, I want to say I mean no offense by this post. I am not condemning anybody who is homosexual and is happy living that life. It is just not for me and I have no desire to continue living a gay lifestyle. I no longer have SEXUAL attractions to other men which is what homosexuality means to begin with.
For background, I grew up in a strict Baptist home. I was heavily involved in church and serving God throughout my entire upbringing. Somehow or another, when I was in my early teens I began to have attractions to other boys. There were times when I could control them but overall they kept getting stronger and stronger. At the same time, I had no male friends in high school, and had a distant relationship with my dad. For some reason I just never fit in with the guys...I am not effeminate but I am far from being an alpha-male. By the time I was 23, I had moved out of my parents' home. At first I was very happy and involved in my church, but over time I fell away. It was then that my homosexual desires became uncontrollably strong. I contacted a local Christian counselor in my area who was affiliated with Exodus International but he just made things worse. He stressed the importance of non-sexual male friendships (I will have more to say on this a little later) but I still just didn't fit in with the guys, and continued rejection by straight men even in the church made further deepened my emotional wound that was already as deep as the mariana trench. After a few months of counseling, I just couldn't emotionally take it anymore and made the disastrous decision to give into my homosexual desires. The result was a realization of every nightmare as I had as a teen. The promises of homosexuality to fulfill that desire I had for male bonding were cut short, and I was sent on an out of control train ride to hell.
Only a year and a half of decadent living left me halfway across the country chasing a guy, a completely destroyed career/resume, drug addiction, smoking addiction, hostile relationship with my parents, and a feeling of general hopelessness. I woke up one night in the middle of the night and thought to myself "how did this happen!" I did some deep soul searching and realized that living openly gay wasn't making me happy. This was May.
My entire social existence at that time was rooted in the LGBT community. Over the next few months, my roommate (who is a hardcore gay activist) became abusive as I distanced myself more and more from the gay community. I found my self-esteem sinking and sinking until I reached a point where I felt worthless. I tried a few churches but found it difficult given the situation I was in with my roommate. I felt deep shame about it and felt I would have to lie if anybody asked me about my life. Sometime during these months a light bulb went off in my head. I was not gay! Yes, I have same sex attractions, but it is not a sexual relationship I desire with a man...its a close bond like a boy has with his father or a teenager has with his best friend. I never experienced that growing up and my desire for that became increasingly eroticized over time. Nothing about sex with a man appeals to me. That said, finding a close, non-sexual friend of the same sex I believe is essential to my healing. Unfortunately, that will be the most difficult part.
In September, my apartment lease was up and I moved out of my living arrangement with my roommate.
Now I have begun my long road of recovery. I have become extremely lonely being that all my gay friends are out of my life and I have yet to assimilate back into straight society. I have little idea where to start as far as doing this. I still feel awkward in Christian surroundings having discussions with other Christians. How do I explain to them what brought me to the point I am at today? When I am trying churches and people ask me questions I come up with half-baked answers which I am sure sounds off to people. Its as if I am hiding something (and I am). I am so ashamed of my homosexual past I could never make it public because people wouldn't understand and I might lose potential friends. How do I make new friends to begin with?
My work schedule doesn't let me attend any weeknight events so I am pretty much left with Sunday morning church and thats not enough to really get to know people in a Christian setting. How do I find a close male non-sexual friend? At age 25 male friendships begin to decrease in importance, so it isn't quite as easy as it is at 15 or even 20 ...and given my circumstances I couldn't even manage it back then.
I have made it past mile marker 1, which is realizing the truth about my same sex attractions and why I have them, and then mile marker 2...leaving the LGBT subculture behind. I still have a long way to go and feel very lost.
Yes, I could go back into the LGBT community and get more immediate satisfaction out of that, but it will fall short because I am homoSOCIAL, not homosexual.
I know this was a long post and I appreciate anyone who reads it or replies.
I have to agree with this post...God will bless and reward anyone who completely denies themselves for His sake. I am not here to bash homosexuality, quite frankly I haven't figured out yet how to feel about it because of what scripture plainly says about it.
However, one thing I know for sure is that any lifestyle that involves sexual promiscuity is a means to a horrible existence and definitely leads to drugs and all sorts of immoral acts. It's a spiral down into the dregs of hell itself, and I speak from experience.
To the OP, you have definitely made the right decision simply because your choice to not be sexually active. There's a reason God wants us to be pure and to wait until marriage.....it's to save us from ourselves and a whole lot of pain and heartache. Not to mention how it devastates your self-worth and self-esteem.
Even
I made a conscious decision to be celibate a few years ago and one of the best decisions I've ever made. I will not ever engage is sexual relations outside of marriage again. God will put the right people in my life, whether just friends or a partner, at his will and timing. And He will do the same for you. God bless you and I will be praying for you too.
Ilene,
That was a great post. Even though homosexuality is definitely portrayed as being sinful, all of us have to repent of sinful aspects in our own lives, and should be sympathetic and nonjudgmental toward others in their struggles to overcome things from their past lives. If we truly repent of whatever sins we harbor, and truly believe that Christ can give us that Holy Spirit, this will make it possible for us to overcome whatever is holding us back from living a holy life.
2 Tim 1:7 says, "God hath not given us thespirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." When we submit to doing the will of our Father in heaven, "we are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do," as our Saviour said in Luke 17:10. Since it is His spirit which gives us this power, we have nothing of which we can boast or that gives us the right to look down on anyone else.
Last edited by Robert M Prince; 10-19-2010 at 07:27 AM..
Reason: addition
How about showing a little bit of the tolerance. It's ironic that if a straight person explores homosexuality it is applauded and celebrated but if a gay person steps back and questions whether they are gay to begin with it is condemned and ridiculed. I am not talking about some straight camp here or reparative therapy. How about listening to what I have to say before you start throwing venom.
If I wanted gay sex I could go to one of the numerous gay bars in my area to find it. In fact when I go to the bars I usually always end up with somebody wanting to take me home. Thing is, I don't want it. Is it possible I was never homosexual to begin with? Is it possible I was pressured into homosexuality by a homophobic society that says two men can't go to a nice restaurant together or that two straight men must leave an empty seat between them at the movies to avoid appearing homosexual? Maybe I explored homosexuality because it was the only place in this society I could escape this nonsense...and I was pressured into thinking I was gay by my straight peers who said I was because I wasn't masculine enough, or wasn't athletic enough.
One thing that is interesting is nations that allow platonic same sex intimacy (China, India) have a far lower rate of true homosexuality.
First, I want to say I mean no offense by this post. I am not condemning anybody who is homosexual and is happy living that life. It is just not for me and I have no desire to continue living a gay lifestyle. I no longer have SEXUAL attractions to other men which is what homosexuality means to begin with.
For background, I grew up in a strict Baptist home. I was heavily involved in church and serving God throughout my entire upbringing. Somehow or another, when I was in my early teens I began to have attractions to other boys. There were times when I could control them but overall they kept getting stronger and stronger. At the same time, I had no male friends in high school, and had a distant relationship with my dad. For some reason I just never fit in with the guys...I am not effeminate but I am far from being an alpha-male. By the time I was 23, I had moved out of my parents' home. At first I was very happy and involved in my church, but over time I fell away. It was then that my homosexual desires became uncontrollably strong. I contacted a local Christian counselor in my area who was affiliated with Exodus International but he just made things worse. He stressed the importance of non-sexual male friendships (I will have more to say on this a little later) but I still just didn't fit in with the guys, and continued rejection by straight men even in the church made further deepened my emotional wound that was already as deep as the mariana trench. After a few months of counseling, I just couldn't emotionally take it anymore and made the disastrous decision to give into my homosexual desires. The result was a realization of every nightmare as I had as a teen. The promises of homosexuality to fulfill that desire I had for male bonding were cut short, and I was sent on an out of control train ride to hell.
Only a year and a half of decadent living left me halfway across the country chasing a guy, a completely destroyed career/resume, drug addiction, smoking addiction, hostile relationship with my parents, and a feeling of general hopelessness. I woke up one night in the middle of the night and thought to myself "how did this happen!" I did some deep soul searching and realized that living openly gay wasn't making me happy. This was May.
My entire social existence at that time was rooted in the LGBT community. Over the next few months, my roommate (who is a hardcore gay activist) became abusive as I distanced myself more and more from the gay community. I found my self-esteem sinking and sinking until I reached a point where I felt worthless. I tried a few churches but found it difficult given the situation I was in with my roommate. I felt deep shame about it and felt I would have to lie if anybody asked me about my life. Sometime during these months a light bulb went off in my head. I was not gay! Yes, I have same sex attractions, but it is not a sexual relationship I desire with a man...its a close bond like a boy has with his father or a teenager has with his best friend. I never experienced that growing up and my desire for that became increasingly eroticized over time. Nothing about sex with a man appeals to me. That said, finding a close, non-sexual friend of the same sex I believe is essential to my healing. Unfortunately, that will be the most difficult part.
In September, my apartment lease was up and I moved out of my living arrangement with my roommate.
Now I have begun my long road of recovery. I have become extremely lonely being that all my gay friends are out of my life and I have yet to assimilate back into straight society. I have little idea where to start as far as doing this. I still feel awkward in Christian surroundings having discussions with other Christians. How do I explain to them what brought me to the point I am at today? When I am trying churches and people ask me questions I come up with half-baked answers which I am sure sounds off to people. Its as if I am hiding something (and I am). I am so ashamed of my homosexual past I could never make it public because people wouldn't understand and I might lose potential friends. How do I make new friends to begin with?
My work schedule doesn't let me attend any weeknight events so I am pretty much left with Sunday morning church and thats not enough to really get to know people in a Christian setting. How do I find a close male non-sexual friend? At age 25 male friendships begin to decrease in importance, so it isn't quite as easy as it is at 15 or even 20 ...and given my circumstances I couldn't even manage it back then.
I have made it past mile marker 1, which is realizing the truth about my same sex attractions and why I have them, and then mile marker 2...leaving the LGBT subculture behind. I still have a long way to go and feel very lost.
Yes, I could go back into the LGBT community and get more immediate satisfaction out of that, but it will fall short because I am homoSOCIAL, not homosexual.
I know this was a long post and I appreciate anyone who reads it or replies.
You have been, and are now going through alot. Your post has taken great courage, and I wish you the best.
Notwithstanding any struggle with your specific sexual attractions, it sounds like you have been involved in some toxic relationships. And it takes strength to tear yourself from them.
My prayer for you is that you will come to realize you are one of God's kids, you are loved with an everlasting love, and that you find a healthy and loving community.
First, I want to say I mean no offense by this post. I am not condemning anybody who is homosexual and is happy living that life. It is just not for me and I have no desire to continue living a gay lifestyle. I no longer have SEXUAL attractions to other men which is what homosexuality means to begin with.
For background, I grew up in a strict Baptist home. I was heavily involved in church and serving God throughout my entire upbringing. Somehow or another, when I was in my early teens I began to have attractions to other boys. There were times when I could control them but overall they kept getting stronger and stronger. At the same time, I had no male friends in high school, and had a distant relationship with my dad. For some reason I just never fit in with the guys...I am not effeminate but I am far from being an alpha-male. By the time I was 23, I had moved out of my parents' home. At first I was very happy and involved in my church, but over time I fell away. It was then that my homosexual desires became uncontrollably strong. I contacted a local Christian counselor in my area who was affiliated with Exodus International but he just made things worse. He stressed the importance of non-sexual male friendships (I will have more to say on this a little later) but I still just didn't fit in with the guys, and continued rejection by straight men even in the church made further deepened my emotional wound that was already as deep as the mariana trench. After a few months of counseling, I just couldn't emotionally take it anymore and made the disastrous decision to give into my homosexual desires. The result was a realization of every nightmare as I had as a teen. The promises of homosexuality to fulfill that desire I had for male bonding were cut short, and I was sent on an out of control train ride to hell.
Only a year and a half of decadent living left me halfway across the country chasing a guy, a completely destroyed career/resume, drug addiction, smoking addiction, hostile relationship with my parents, and a feeling of general hopelessness. I woke up one night in the middle of the night and thought to myself "how did this happen!" I did some deep soul searching and realized that living openly gay wasn't making me happy. This was May.
My entire social existence at that time was rooted in the LGBT community. Over the next few months, my roommate (who is a hardcore gay activist) became abusive as I distanced myself more and more from the gay community. I found my self-esteem sinking and sinking until I reached a point where I felt worthless. I tried a few churches but found it difficult given the situation I was in with my roommate. I felt deep shame about it and felt I would have to lie if anybody asked me about my life. Sometime during these months a light bulb went off in my head. I was not gay! Yes, I have same sex attractions, but it is not a sexual relationship I desire with a man...its a close bond like a boy has with his father or a teenager has with his best friend. I never experienced that growing up and my desire for that became increasingly eroticized over time. Nothing about sex with a man appeals to me. That said, finding a close, non-sexual friend of the same sex I believe is essential to my healing. Unfortunately, that will be the most difficult part.
In September, my apartment lease was up and I moved out of my living arrangement with my roommate.
Now I have begun my long road of recovery. I have become extremely lonely being that all my gay friends are out of my life and I have yet to assimilate back into straight society. I have little idea where to start as far as doing this. I still feel awkward in Christian surroundings having discussions with other Christians. How do I explain to them what brought me to the point I am at today? When I am trying churches and people ask me questions I come up with half-baked answers which I am sure sounds off to people. Its as if I am hiding something (and I am). I am so ashamed of my homosexual past I could never make it public because people wouldn't understand and I might lose potential friends. How do I make new friends to begin with?
My work schedule doesn't let me attend any weeknight events so I am pretty much left with Sunday morning church and thats not enough to really get to know people in a Christian setting. How do I find a close male non-sexual friend? At age 25 male friendships begin to decrease in importance, so it isn't quite as easy as it is at 15 or even 20 ...and given my circumstances I couldn't even manage it back then.
I have made it past mile marker 1, which is realizing the truth about my same sex attractions and why I have them, and then mile marker 2...leaving the LGBT subculture behind. I still have a long way to go and feel very lost.
Yes, I could go back into the LGBT community and get more immediate satisfaction out of that, but it will fall short because I am homoSOCIAL, not homosexual.
I know this was a long post and I appreciate anyone who reads it or replies.
Perhaps being gay isn't your problem, but choices in behaviors, friends, situations, etc. was the problem. I'm gay, dated in college for a few years, fell in love, and have been with my partner in a healthy, happy relationship for almost 15 years. And now we have children. There was never any abuse, drugs, or addictions for me, but I chose not to hang out with gay men who did those things. Being gay isn't about sex, bars, drugs and alcohol. It's about who you are able to fall in love with.
I
However, one thing I know for sure is that any lifestyle that involves sexual promiscuity is a means to a horrible existence and definitely leads to drugs and all sorts of immoral acts. It's a spiral down into the dregs of hell itself, and I speak from experience.
I don't know if it was your implication, but being gay does not equal being promiscuous. I'm gay and have been monogamous for 15 years.
Perhaps being gay isn't your problem, but choices in behaviors, friends, situations, etc. was the problem. I'm gay, dated in college for a few years, fell in love, and have been with my partner in a healthy, happy relationship for almost 15 years. And now we have children. There was never any abuse, drugs, or addictions for me, but I chose not to hang out with gay men who did those things. Being gay isn't about sex, bars, drugs and alcohol. It's about who you are able to fall in love with.
In the past whenever I dated guys over time they became a friend and my physical attraction to them diminished. It happened with every boyfriend I had, one of which was very attractive. Gay relationships don't work with no sex...because without it...well its just a friendship.
In the past whenever I dated guys over time they became a friend and my physical attraction to them diminished. It happened with every boyfriend I had, one of which was very attractive. Gay relationships don't work with no sex...because without it...well its just a friendship.
That's how I felt about all of my boyfriends before I met my husband. I was very attracted to them in the beginning and then I didn't want to be intimate with them anymore. It was because I realized I wasn't in love with them anymore. The only person that didn't happen with is my husband - because we are truly in love. My ex used to call the beginning phase of a relationship the "euphoria" phase. After the euphoria wears off - then you can tell if it's love or if it was just attraction. Sometimes the euphoria phase lasts for a few weeks - sometimes it last for a couple of years. If it never wears off - chances are you found true love!
I think you need to just be who you are and take it one day at a time. Just accept and love yourself and figure out who you are and what you want out of life. If doesn't matter if you are gay or straight as long as you are honest with yourself. If you aren't honest with yourself - then you won't ever be able to have a successful relationship. You can't have a sincere romantic relationship with a woman if you are gay - it wouldn't be fair to her. And you can't have a sincere romantic relationship with a man if you aren't gay - it wouldn't be fair to him. But in order for you to find out who you are - I think you need to take all the pressure off of yourself and take away all the expectations of what you think you want to be. Just take the time and figure it out - with no pressure and no expectations.
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