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Originally Posted by thebeautyinlife
Wow I must say I did not expect this many responses thank you for taking the time to respond to me i have to say it was interesting reading different and similar view points
i feel as though i need to give you a little insight into my life and why i have raised these questions now in a faith i have had for 30 years. my biological parents are of two different christian faiths (mother is protestant and my father is armenian orthodox). growing up i was raised by maternal grandparents because my parents had started their own business and could not do both, i spent a lot of time with them but for the most part I was with my grandmother (my grandfather traveled a lot for business) i really did not have a permanent place with my biological parents until i was in high school and they could afford time from work....i have to say that i do not blame them for this, when i was younger i was rebellious because of this but in college i was able to understand why they had made the decision they did.
i was baptized as a protestant but i have never really been in a protestant church since then and growing up i experienced religion through my dads faith and my mothers philosophy and bible study. if you were to ask me my religion now i would say orthodox and i celebrate the orthodox holidays from time to time i contemplate being baptized in the orthodox church and if i do get married i will be baptized so that i can be married in the orthodox church.
i have deep conversations with god, i honestly believe that i can talk to god no matter where i am, i do not feel you need to be in a church to do so because to me god is always around.
i have prayed for as long as i can remember, i always ask god for forgiveness and to help guide me on the correct path and i do the same for my family and friends those here and those who have passed. i thank jesus for dying for our sins.
one of the questions someone had asked me was what did i mean when i said my parents never come out ahead...i have prayed my entire life for my parents to be successful so they dont have to work all hours of the night and worry about money. my parents are not greedy or underhanded and have always tried to do the right thing...my father has paid for an underprivileged family's christmas every year..i only know this because i saw him load the car once and asked my grandmother who had also given him some things...he never tells anyone he does this because he does it because it is the right thing to do.... 13 years ago my unlce and grandfather died within in one month of each other both from cancer...my dad had spent every day the hospital going from one end to the other and then going to work at night...during that time his partner stole money and didnt pay bills or taxes...my father didnt complain he just went right back to work to pay things off...a few years ago he had a contract with a large company..the company decided to not pay any bills because the owners had stole all the money...between my father and a friend of his they were owed almost 2 million dollars..he won the lawsuit but he has never seen a dime...i have prayed everyday that he can just have a little time to enjoy life while he is on earth...many people have told me that i should keep praying because it is all part of a larger plan and that this is a test...to see that struggle makes me question why i pray and why i pray to a being that tests us if you in your heart not just lip service believe in god, love god, trust in god, are committed to being a real christian not just i go to church on sunday christian because in 30 years i have had few doubts and have always trusted and believed and tried
i know someone quoted james that we test ourselves, i disagree with that because how in the above example is my dad testing himself... is it that he did not go out and rob a bank or kill someone...these are clearly situations that were brought about by a higher being to see how we would handle them.
i understand that people gain things from bible study, i am not one of them. there is confusion and contradiction throughout the whole book to me ( i am not saying i am right but my personal opinion and thought is that) and ( i am sorry if this is pessimistic) i believe there are parts and meanings missing in the bible we read today...the bible was not written in english and i do not read ancient hebrew therefore it would be foolish of me to believe that it translated perfectly.
i believe the same person who quoted james said in my example of someone being beaten and raped and then robbed that god and ourselves are not responsible for our brothers sin...i was the person in that example...i had went to visit friends at the shore and while i was sleeping in my own room by myself another friend of theirs who was also staying at their home snuck into my room hit my several times and then raped me. my own friends didnt believe me they thought i had just drank to much and didnt know what happened...i did not have one drop of alcohol. you can argue any side of that you want but for me..the person who has tried to live a good life...how can god not intervene? but even then i told myself there is a reason..a year later when i was walking to the train on a sunday morning to visit family (i was in the heart of the city) i was grabbed and dragged beaten and robbed..had it not been for me throwing myself into oncoming traffic i do not know if i would be alive or not... yet i still believed that there was a reason....i left my job last year for another job that would let me be closer to home and have a better quality of life..not anymore money really just less commute and stress...on my second day i was told that they could no longer hire me because they were going to be sold...i still believed that this was part of a plan and that god would not give me more than i could handle.....a year later i am sitting here writing this with only a part time job and broke having sold most of the things i own..you can say well they are just possessions...but while i am on this earth that was all i had left.
up until two months ago i still prayed everyday and believed that god would not let one of his children fall...but i have fallen and there is nothing (person or being how ever you see god) there to catch me
that is the reason i posted something...i wanted to see if there was someone out there that kept their faith when things got worse than rough...i have been able to handle rough patches..but when you realize its just a rough life it takes something out of you that i am not certain i will ever get back
to me and i know that it is not everyone...i find comfort in what makes other believe in their faith, it helps me find faith, it gives me faith but when i am told by somebody i believe it because i was told to it feels disingenuous and i can not understand why someone would want to have faith like that.
someone posted that there is a definitive 2+2 =4 answer when it comes to faith...i can not agree with that faith is not saying the something like the sky is blue faith is complex and simple all at once..there is no right or wrong answer to faith if there was we would know something like when the ratpure were to happen down to the second because we would have all the evidence and reason and there wouldnt be any questions
i hope this helps those who can not understand why at my age i could question my faith, something i have help onto close for all of these years
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dearest beauty - thank you for taking the time to give us more understanding of your situation and background.
I am so very sorry for what you suffered at the hands of those who did you harm and who wanted to harm you!
God see's all and they will one day have to answer for their actions and crimes against you, just know that.
It is wonderful to hear that you do have regular conversations with God!
Keep that up, he IS listening and does want to help you.
Try to understand though, that many people make the mistake you have made - I did it once myself when I was young - we mistakenly think somehow that faith in God will protect us from all bad things happening to us! This is just not the case.
Bad things DO happen to good people. Bad things DO happen to good Christian people.
God never promised to keep bad things from happening to his people.
He only promises to always be there with us through all our suffering, all our "bad things", to suffer along with us and give us the strength and comfort He can so that we can endure what this life brings to us.
In addition, some of our prayers get answered the way we want them to, and some do not. Remember, God is not Santa Claus come to make all our dreams come true the way WE envision them
People of faith simply have to step out in that faith when God has said "no" to a prayer we so badly wanted a "yes" answer to, that He knows better than we do what is truly best for us and the bigger picture that we just cannot see from our vantage point down here on earth.
There is power in prayer however, so do keep praying for your parents! They may be being helped by it in ways you can't quite see or appreciate. They sound like good people, good parents - let them know you keep them in your prayers - it might be important to them to hear that.
Concerning your thoughts on the Bible, please consider what I want to tell you now.... your words that "there is confusion and contradiction throughout the whole book to me" are the VERY REASON I asked you to consider going to a short 6-12 week course for those wishing to learn HOW to read and study the Bible.
Your feelings and reactions are so very common among people who don't have the frame of reference for being able to understand how exactly to approach all that is included in the Bible. While it seems like it should be such a simple book to read, it can be one of the most complicated ones if you don't get some directions first.
You went to college - let me put it this way...do you think you would have been allowed to take Quantum Mechanics or Quantum Physics courses as a freshman without ANY prerequisite course work? Not unless you were some kind of high IQ over-achiever, lol. No, you would have needed some background courses to prepare yourself to understand what would come later in those higher level courses.
Understanding and interpreting the Bible can be that way too. Not for everyone of course, but for many, especially when they feel as you do.
See, the reality is, there is no confusion or contradiction in the Bible. But I can't convince you of that here (don't want to either!). I just want you to realize with better understanding of it, you might see that yourself
Back to your wavering faith...
This can happen to the best of us at various times in our lives when we feel we are being pushed to our limits and things get really rough.
I am so sorry you are at a place where you are struggling financially, emotionally and spiritually to the point of questioning your faith.
Might I suggest you consider changing your prayer to God in regards to this?
Try praying for renewed strength and confidence to face all the adversity in your life right now.
Try praying for the discernment to know what God might be calling you to do differently.
Try praying for peace in the midst of the chaos of your life.
See if just changing your prayers helps you to grow stronger in your faith again.
I wish you all the best in this, and I will be praying for the best to happen
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